The Devil's Innocent Soul
by LeaveWithoutATear
Summary: Who do you become when you have forgotten who you were? A story about a girl who must work to overcome her heart, mind, and her Innocence before it kills her in the process.
1. What has been lost

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 1

_Where does one's journey begin? _

"…_I don't think I deserve it… selflessness… find your way into my heart... All stars could be brighter... All hearts could be warmer…"I listened to the soft melody play through the air and sighed feeling the __cold breeze against my back. My cheek felt warm despite the cold day as I leaned against xxxxx's shoulder. My face dug into his neck and his long shaggy hair tickled my nose._

_ "__What would it take for things to be quiet...? Quiet, like the snow… That we meant to be empty-handed… I know I could I could be better…" Xxxxx sang to the sky his chest moving with the words and I felt the soothing movement of rocking with his breathing. I took a deep breath and smelt the scent of wheat and hard work on his shirt. The fall day was comforting and the falling leaves of golden and brown dancing across the sky happily ending their lives. The wind picked up biting my arms and legs and I curled up closer to Xxxxx's chest. He glanced down at me reaching the last notes of his song, folding his arm around my waist._

_ "…What would it take for things to be quiet?" he finished and pressed his lips against the top of my head. "Do you want to go back and get your coat?"_

_ "No, this is fine." I smiled into him my face blushing pink, "Don't you still have work though?"_

_ "I always have work." Xxxxx scowled, "I swear, as soon as I have enough money, I'm taking you and Xxxxx and getting out of here. Well go to London." _

_ I laughed lightly at the notion, "You've said that. You know Xxxxx would never go though. He loves this town to much. That old man could never part with that book store."_

_ "But you would come right?" he asked playing with my hair._

_ "I have nothing holding me to this town." I said._

_ "That didn't answer my question."_

_ "Of course." I said into his shirt and I felt his arms wrap around me tighter._

_ My chest twisted painfully suddenly and my stomach turned nauseously. My whole body shook and screamed at my mind to run. I knew my face must have reflected the irrational feeling I was having and Xxxxx picked up on my strange expression._

_ "What's wrong?" He asked leaning his face down toward me, sitting up._

_ "I don't know. I-I feel sick." I stammered feeling my body swaying. He caught me and held me steady._

_ "Are you ok?" he asked flustered. _

_ "Something is wrong." Sweet poured down my face and I turned over so I faced the ground shaking violently on my knees. Xxxxx shouted in worry, knelt and started asking me questions I didn't hear. I panted clutching the cold grass with shaky hands. I never experienced such a horrible attack so suddenly. Sometimes when I would walk around town I would have a pain in my gut but never something this extreme. I felt something dark looming in my mind, a thought I didn't know the meaning of. _

_ The Akuma are here._

_ Screams echoed throughout the town that lay to the right of Xxxxx and me. I felt his hand against my back tight with urgency and I heard panic in his words. The sky darkened and the scream grew louder, large explosions sounding off and a wave of noise booming from the town._

_ I turned my head toward the town, still on the ground and looked at the destruction in horror. In just a few minutes the town had been reduced to fire and flying debris. Large dark menacing balls floated above the town, flashes of purple lighting up mechanical body parts and limbs. I sat paralyzed watching these strange creatures, my stomach churning. _

_ Akuma._

_ I registered vaguely Xxxxx pulling at my arm, forcing me to my feet and running with me stumbling behind still watching the scene. The dark orbs shifted in the sky and hesitated, and then as if by command, they shot forward tearing through the sky toward us. As the masses grow larger I saw their bodies more detailed. They were chucky machines with black vines that looked like large tree roots twisting around them. Several canons protruded out from it aimed in all directions but they curled and wavered like fingers the beast controlled. But I really wasn't looking at these, because my eyes were frozen looking at its face._

_ It stared at me with wide hollow eyes like endless spiraling holes. It's leathery face was wrinkled in extreme pain and it's mouth hung open like it's jaw was dislodged, forever staying frozen mid-scream. It was twisted so ugly, so __grotesque, I felt my stomach reaching into my throat. And even though I trembled as I stumbled away from these monsters, I felt tears washing across my face, tears of pity. What are these creatures?_

_ Akuma._

_ "Akuma…" I echoed the voice in my head and I watched as all the canons turned slowly toward us. I heard Xxxxx scream and purple light illuminated the air around us. A deafening silence rang out as smoke and sparks flew into my face choking me and singeing my hair and skin. I choked falling to the ground my arm slipping from Xxxxx's hand and I felt needles impaling my entire body, passing through my flesh and sending blood flashing in all direction. A fire ripped through my body and I choked out a moan as blood spilled across my mouth staining my lips bright red. Smoke rose and I was blind to all but the flashing purple colors and Xxxxx's hand lying by my head._

_ My heart beat furiously in panic realizing that Xxxxx must be dying. How could I have been so stupid? I knew we were in danger, yet all I did was stare at the monsters as they came to kill us. Oh God, don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Tears mixed with my blood as they ran down my cheeks. How could this be happening?_

_I felt something vicious stinging across all the bullet holes eating at my flesh. I felt the pain searing across my whole being, clouding my mind. My breath grew short and the poison that burned like acid swam through my veins infecting my entire body. My vision dimmed and the cold dampness of the grass tickled my skin. _

_ It was dark. I was alone in that unforgiving darkness frozen in time. I didn't call out as to not disturb the silence that incased the room. I was there, but not quite all there. I saw the darkness and heard the silence but I was not there. My body was missing yet my presence, my essence was there. I sighed a wave of sadness as I realized I must have passed on. This would be my world until the end of time. If I had eyes I would have cried. If I had arms I would have hugged myself. If I had a mouth I would have called out to Xxxxx. If I had a heart I would have killed myself. _

_ Then as time passed, I felt a pulling in my stomach. Slowly I was reeled back by some invisible force feeling myself move through the thin air. Then all at once, like being sucked into a vacuum, I took a breath and shot up in my body panting staring into the smoky air. I looked down and watched as little black stars disappeared across my skin. Dull light danced across my skin twisting around the light blossoms of blood that covered chest. I watch little fiber of skin stitch together across the wounds blocking of the bleeding. I barely registered the strangeness of this in my groggy state and I looked up getting my barring on things._

_ The metal creatures were gone, the Akuma. The town was gray with smoke and the sky had turned dark with the night that had pulled in. I sat in a pool of blood that had completely soaked into my clothes and shoes seeping in between my toes and I shivered. I took a breath and turned toward the spot Xxxxx was supposed to be. _

_ There was no body. In place of the boy I loved to deeply I would kill for was only a pile of dust and black stars. I felt a lump in my throat and placed a hand on the pile, letting my fingers touch the course ashes. Then I cried. I cried like a small child, screaming into the air letting the tears run down my face and dry there, my chest heaving. I let my tears flow away with everything else._

I held the golden leaf in my hand, spinning it between my fingers. The dense forest was painted bright red and gold shining bright in the evening light. The air was calm and still and I sat reclined against a tree.

"I can save you if you wish." I said twirling the leaf.

"Do you really mean that?" The voice asked desperately. The cute girl kneeling in front of me had large sad eyes and jet black hair the bounced around her head. Dirt smudged across her cheek and her arms clutched at her sleeves.

"Why would I lie?" I said to her flipping the leaf over.

"I don't want to kill anymore." The girl whimpered hugging herself. Her bright yellow dress clung to her body and small crystal tears bubbled up in her eyes.

"You won't have to anymore." I assured her waving the leaf through the air. Well, it was true.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really." I answered.

"But how? How could you possibly help me now?" she asked looking intensely into my eyes. What did she want me to tell her? I was practically as clueless as she was.

"You just have to trust me." I held the leaf out to her. She took it and stared that it thoughtfully. "Do you trust me?" I asked raising an eyebrow. There was a silence and she cupped the leaf into her small hands.

"I will trust you."

"Thank you." I said and took off my glove calmly, "I hope you find happiness."

I reached out toward her with my bare hand and touched her cheek softly, a large crack appearing across her face splintering out around her neck. She gasped and her eyes grew cloudy.

"That feels nice." She said through cracked lips. I moved my hand down and caressed her hand and it broke apart too sending cracks up her arms and chest. Slowly her body broke into pieces leaving scars racing across her skin. She smiled a peaceful smile and giggled, "I feel so good. Thank you. Thank you so much."

I watched as her body crumbled and a large gust of wind sweep by carrying the girl away in a thousand little specks of light and a little golden leaf. I stood and picked up the yellow sundress and folded it over a tree branch. I pulled the hood of my cloak up across my head letting the tattered old thing drape across me as I pulled the black leather journal from my bag.

I pulled out a pen and flipped the journal open, turning the pages until I found a blank spot under my last entry. I pressed the pen into the book and began:

_October 14__th__, evening_

_Mary Gracia Arthur RIP- "I don't want to kill anymore." Why did she need to kill before? No resistance. Seemed happy. I'm not as tired as usual, but I'm still starving. Where do these Akuma come from? Why do the kill? Where do they go when they dissolve? Should reach London soon._

I finished and put my things back into my bag.

"Ty!" I called into the trees and after a moment I felt a breeze and a small raven was perched on my shoulder. I grinned at the small bird and shuffled across the ground making my way back towards the town I was staying at, humming a song that reminded me of wheat and hard work.

*.***.*

_AN:/ Thank you for reading. This is the first time i've ever uploaded so im still figuring out how to work with Fanfiction. For one thing i can't figure out how to make indentions or change the sizes of the writing. I'm hopeing that this turned out nice and that you like it. I'm planning to put up another chapter soon. :) In the later chapters you'll start to see characters from DGM. Oh and the song that Xxxxx sings is called "Louder Than Thunder" by The Devil Wears Prada. BTW: the XXXXXs aren't a mistake... you'll figure it out later in the story :3 /:AN_


	2. New day

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 2

I woke to a bright florescent light shining in my face and I moaned, rubbing my eyes wearily. I had a moment of confusion as I stared around the foreign room, but quickly gathered that this was the inn I had checked into the previous night. I sighed deeply and massaged my neck gently, feeling it's soreness and cursing myself for not asking for the pillow that had been absent from my bed when I had first entered it. I stood and turned off the light that had been left on when I had passed out and I let the morning sun shining through the window to illuminate the room. I crossed the floor, briefly registering Ty cuddled up on the bars of my bed frame, and looked at myself in the dusty mirror hanging on the wall.

My appearance in the mirror was completely ordinary. My face was just another face. Simple, dull, muddy brown eyes and pale lips and skin. Smudges of dirt ran across my forehead and cheeks and a light row of practically invisible freckles sat on my nose. Slightly wavy wheat colored hair draped across my head and swept down my neck reaching toward my shoulders. The only reasonably interesting thing about the image was the gold rings that looped through my ear. I rubbed my eyes again and yawned, stepping away from the mirror, taking hold off the white nightshirt I had managed to pull on before blacking out.

I pulled the shirt over my head, letting my hair sweep down and tickle my shoulders pleasantly, and stepped toward the bathroom. I turned on the water, and waited a few moments for it to heat before slipping into the shower and letting the water pour across my body.

"AHHHHH~" I smiled sighing deeply letting the water run soothingly over my muscles, unknotting them. I watched the currents of water travel across my body passing over my collection of birth marks that covered my torso. The appeasing streams traced the dark swirling marks that branched out from my spine, reaching around towards my chest and down my body stopping at the small of my back, coming around again and dancing across my stomach. Though I called them birth marks, the lines seemed too intricate, too balanced, and too complex to have been a simple defect of my skin. It was as if god himself had painted a design on my flesh with an ink brush, though what the design was of was beyond me. To me the lines looked like lace weaving through my skin, full of swirls and curved designs. Whatever it was, it wasn't washing away anytime soon.

I placed a hand over my marked stomach and listened briefly to it's grumbling complaints of the lack of food I've consumed. I reached up turning the water off and wrapping a soggy towel around myself. I dug through my bag and grabbed a thin bright red ribbon and pulled back my wet hair away from my face. Shuffling across the floor, I swiftly tucked away my night shirt and pulled out my basic clothes and my cloak. After wiping away what was left of the water from my body I slipped into the grimy fabrics, pulling on my boots and my gloves before picking up the rest of my things and packing them away. I glanced around once to check if I had left anything and called for Ty to follow me.

I left the room with the raven perched on my shoulder and I trickled through the hallway up to the front room where I was met by the hostess, a cheery plump woman who seemed to constantly be cleaning the same plate with a dingy cloth.

"Good morning miss, have you come for breakfast?" She smiled politely and continued to wipe the plate.

"Yes ma'am. I just need something before I leave." I replied, compelled to act pleasant by her respectful tone.

"Well, you're welcome to anything that we've set out on the table down in the dining room. I've already eaten so eat what you'd like. If you want something else, help yourself to anything in the cabinets by the sink." She said offhandedly, glaring at her plate. She looked up in surprise when I placed a hand on her arm.

"Are you sure?" I asked, childish excitement playing in my voice.

"Huh?" she said, "Sure about what?"

"The food, I can have much as I want?" I clarified staring into her eyes intensely. She hesitated at my reaction but then nodded and said I could have whatever I wanted considering I had already paid for my room. A wide grinned spread across my face and I thanked her graciously, skipping out of the kitchen into the dining room.

I approached the table and was taken aback by the display of food lying in front of me, wafting sweet smells around my face. My stomach roared in anticipation and I quickly got started on the various foods. Ignoring manners and pleasantries I quickly ate as fast as I could chew, demolishing the plate of rolls in seconds and moving on towards the lush fruits. I licked the juice from my fingers as I bit down on the sweet flesh of the fruit and giggled in delight at the taste. How wonderful the meal was after eating nothing but what I could buy with pocket change for days. Not to mention that I had always had a large appetite since I was young. My hands grabbed greedily at the food, not paying any mind to anybody who may have been passing by and watching as a strange girl ate like a starving man.

"You are leaving today, correct? Don't worry about-" she stopped mid-sentence as she turned the corner in the dining room and saw me sitting back, wiping my face with a napkin. Several plates were laid out in front of me, all finished off and shinning as if they were clean. The women stare blankly for a moment and then laughed merrily, stepping forward and collecting up the plates.

"You have quite the appetite. More than my son ever had before he left home, even when he was growing. I have some pastries in the pantry if you'd like, that is, if you're still hungry."

I blushed and looked down at my hands, "Yes please, thank you ma'am."

"It's quite alright." She smiled and turned back to retrieve the treats. I watched her leave, a small smile on my face and I stood, stacking the gleaming plates into a pile.

"That was nice of her." I placed my napkin on the table, and let the feeling of fullness comfort me. When the hostess returned she joined me at the table and I controlled myself, taking care to eat the sweets slowly without getting crumbs over everything. I took a small roll and crush it into bits, placing them in a neat pile on the table. I called to Ty, who swooped over and feasted on the miniature mountain of goodies. The hostess regarded Ty with a curious amusement.

"That's a strange bird. We don't normally see ones like him around here" she said eyeing him, "Is he a crow?"

"No, he's a raven. They're similar but raven's are generally bigger and have purple in their feathers." I explained looking at the sparks of color the onyx bird had as he stood in the mercy of the rays of sunlight. "Ravens live longer." I added turning back towards the kind women and smiled, "They're supposed to be intelligent, but I think this one is a special case." The raven looked up and made a sharp chirping noise in complaint. "You know it's true." I told the raven and he continued eating. The women chuckled leaning back against her chair.

"You two seem to be friends. Does he have a name?"

"I call him Ty." I told her biting into my pastry.

"Why Ty?" she asked admiring the bird.

"I don't know. Sorry, I can't remember." I told her honestly and she simply nodded and moved on. We talked briefly about trivial matters like the weather and what bugs Ty enjoyed eating. I finished the plate of pastries and finally stood and collected up my bag.

"I can stay and help you with the dishes." I offered but was shot down by the women who carried the great stack of plate away with her.

"No need honey, you're company is more than enough already. Don't you have someplace you're traveling to?" She said, not as a question but as a reminder.

"Yes, thank you again. You are very kind." I said adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder and standing up straight with the raven perched on my shoulder. She smile once more and nodded as her farewell and I spun around and strolled out the front door. I left the small inn behind me and departed into the cold street of the nameless town.

The streets of the town were long and thin, trailing out in long stretches and breaking off into new streets every twenty or so buildings. Old oil lamps that were long passed ever being lit, riddled the street corners. The buildings were small, but were modeled after the brilliant Victorian style cities. Appealing windows and intricate detail were spotted across the buildings. The look was romantic, an interesting medieval gothic feel to it, and I embraced it wholeheartedly.

Despite the lovely design, the street was filthy and the sky was gray with dust. The pathways were littered with people and carts going wherever they wished. I weaved my way through the dodged an oncoming cart, a small sign caught my eye. I stopped and walked toward it, leaning down to read it's print. It said, "Ernst's and Edgar's Bookstore. Sale: mysteries and autobiographies 50% off" I blinked at the sign and pulled out my coin purse from my bag. I opened it up and stared at the measly change, and looked at the sign once more. Worth a shot.

I entered the bookstore smelling the air filled with the fragrance of old pages and fresh ink. It was a quaint little store and I grinned at the comforting little space. I placed my bag down on a rickety table and walked over to the self and traced my fingers over the books until I hit the mysteries. I skimmed through several titles such as _The Daughter of Time_ and _Red Dragon_ before stumbling across the famous _Sherlock Homes_. I pulled it out of the shelf and flipped through it till I landed on the first chapter and I plopped down on the ground and dived into Arthur Conan Doyle's world.

_September 25__th__, 6:47 in the evening_

_Dear Journal,_

_I woke up today. Those things have left, but I can't stop shaking. I've lost something. I can't remember much. I don't remember anything. I'm scared, but I need to find that thing I lost. I might have left in that dark place. My fingers hurt. I wonder what that thing I lost was. There's allot of blood, and I can't stop crying. I remember someone telling me that pentacles were the signs of cures. My skin is cursed. Where is that lost thing? The sky is getting dark. I need to find a light. I don't ever want to be in the dark again. If the lost thing is in the dark I won't go and get it. I'm scared. Shouldn't there be people in a town? Too much smoke. My heart hurt like my fingers. Where is that lost thing? I smell sulfur. I can't move much. If I sleep will I be left in the dark? I don't want to forget anything more. I've lost that thing. Where is it? Where is my lost thing?_

I flipped through the pages of the novel skimming through the words considering the amount of coins in my purse. Subconsciously I began to hum a familiar tune.

_September 26__th__, 12:13 noon_

_Dear Journal,_

_I have decided to start writing. Yesterday, after the Akuma attack my memory was completely wiped away. I can tell from what I wrote I was frightened beyond belief, and I'm surprised I had the sense to write down my thoughts. I can still feel my heart beating a bit too hard. In case this is to happen again I will record everything I do and all of my thoughts so I always know. First of all, I have forgotten. I do not remember the world I am living in, yet I do at the same time. The town I'm in is familiar and makes me happy, but all the signs seem foreign to me. I remember I had parents but I can't see their faces and their names have escaped me. Also there is someone very important. Bit and pieces are swarming around my head but I can't put them together. I can't make any sense of things. Yesterday, I was in a field when monsters flew from the sky and attacked this town. I was in the dark… When I woke up I was covered in little stars but they disappeared and I found these markings on my body but I don't know if they're new or if I've always had them. The town is in ruins. What do I do now?_

I stood, book in hand at felt the coin purse in my pocket and approached the counter. The man across from me lifted his head from the newspaper he was indulging himself in and stared at me. I took the coins from the purse and laid them out in front of him and put the book on the counter. He looked from the book to the coins and said it wasn't enough. I told him it was all I had.

_September 27__th__, 4:32 morning_

_My memory isn't coming back. I hoped that if I waited it out it may, but it hasn't. I can't fall asleep because I'm terrified. I gets so incredibly dark here…_

_I saw a bird yesterday. I read in a book once about birds and this one was a raven. Of course, I don't know what book it was or when I read it, but I still remember what it was about. The raven had come up to me, and smiled. No, not smile. Birds can't smile. He must have tilted his head in a strange fashion and made it look like he was smiling. Then he flew away. I wonder if I'm insane._

I held the freshly bought book to my chest and thanked the kind man. I trotted through the store and came to my bag. I opened it and dropped the novel in but as I was about to close it I froze. It wasn't there. I shifted frantically through the contents of my bag and then turned and scanned the aisle of bookshelves. Where is my Journal?

_September 27__th__, 6:59 evening_

_I saw the bird again. He came and left as he did yesterday, only staring at me and then flitting away. Ravens are curious animals._

_I been thinking about the thing I lost. It's important to say the least, but I have no clue to what it possibly could be. Maybe I should focus on finding this thing. I guess I can start searching the town for clues… tomorrow. When it's not so dark._

I ran into the street my heart thumping madly and I looked around in a senseless panic. I saw Ty perching on a roof, and once he realized I was out of the store he came down and made a long chirping noise and flew off. I hesitated and dash forward, following the bird to my missing journal.

_September 28__th__, 12:00 night_

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._

_I've killed someone._

_A little boy. He came into town. It's so dark. He walked up to me and I stared at him and asked him his name and he seemed really happy. He said he likes to play games and told me to play a game with him and I told him I don't play games in the dark. He started crying and ran away so I followed him to say sorry but he was gone. Then a later he came back and I said sorry and he asked me if I was one of those mean people and I said no but he said he had a feeling that I was and that he wasn't allowed to play with me. He said he liked me though but he didn't know why. So I told him thank you and he giggle a little and held out his hand like he wanted to shake hands or something and then I touched him-_

_Oh god. I killed him. He turned to dust and I couldn't stop screaming. I'm so scared. I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore. Oh god. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

_Forgive me._

_The raven is staring at me again._

I ran through the more deserted parts of town following the bird as he flew through the air. As we moved through the alleyways the city became barren and even filthier. Soon we were going to hit the edge of the town and then where would we go? The raven soared on.

_September 29__th__ 1:54 afternoon_

_Dear Journal,_

_How to you bury a body that has turned to dust? _

We reached the edge of the city and began crossing the few farmers' lands that spotted the fields. I was breathing hard and my bag banged uncomfortably against my side as I stumbled across the rocky ground. Ty flew straight down the dirt path and finally, to my greatest relief turned into a yard swooping toward a tree.

_September 29__th__ 3:48 afternoon_

_Dear Journal,_

_I decided to burn flowers for the little boy, whoever he was. I don't know why I'm still alive. _

_The bird returned. Today he had something strange on his leg. A little note with these words on it "-but we could all you a bit of a break. Maybe we should go to London for the holidays with-" For some reason or the other, whenever I read that word, London, my head spins. Maybe I knew that place before my memory was wiped. If so, maybe London has that lost thing. _

_I don't know why I should go there though. What would I gain from it? I'm still a filthy murderer. That will never go away. I'm the true demon. _

_London is it._

Up the tree I saw blocks of wood nailed into the bark and farther up a wooden house laid in it's branches. Placed my feet on the blocks and began to climb the tree, pulling my way to the top. I lifted myself through a hole in the floor and plopped onto the ground. I panted, my cheek crushed into the wooden floor and I took my weak arms and pushed up so I could look around. Straight ahead of me a boy sat in a large chair. He was reclined back with his glasses thrown askew on his nose and he stared wide eyed at me in surprise. In his hands was my journal.

*.***.*

_AN:/ wooow~ done. Sorry guys, that took awhile. I'm so tired right now, but I'm happy I could finish this Ok a quick disclaimer on any DGM themes. Check. An explanation on the books mentioned in the story (All those books exist but because I'm a lazy writer they were all published after the 19__th__ century (except for Sherlock homes which was publish in the late 1800s) derp herp derp oh-well. I bet nobody noticed anyway.) Check. I think that's it…oh yea! Thank you guy so much for reading and an extra thanks to all those who added me to their favorites and alerts. It really means allot to me and I'm so thankful ;o; see you soon /:AN _


	3. Strangers

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 3

When I had first seen the journal in his hands as I climbed through the hole in the floor, my mind was filled with nothing but a horrible realization. It was open. The journal was open. He was reading it. He was reading my journal.

I was still out of breath, and I took a moment from trying to figure the situation out to focus on steadying my breath and standing. I pushed off with my shaky arms and balanced myself so I was upright. Closing my eyes, I timed my breathing and stood.

When I finally did open my eyes, composed as I was going to get, I looked at the boy holding my journal. He was tall. Even as he sat in the chair you could tell simply by the way his legs were sprawled out, too big for the tiny house. Light bronze hair shined on his head wafting lightly around the nap of his neck and his ears. Small wire rimmed glasses sat on his nose framing his pale green eyes. His face had lost the roundness that comes with childhood and was well defined. He looked at me curiously, and then glanced down at the book in his hands, realization dawning on him.

We stared at each other, still trying to processes the situation. I felt a nervous churning in my stomach, as my body realized that the boy in front of me would no doubt be able to win in a fight and a foot race. If this was going to get violent, I would lose. I would have turned and ran away then, gaining a lead, if the thing holding my back wasn't still in his hands. So I stayed and stared at him, putting a fearless look on my face.

"That's my journal." I said coldly at him.

"Yes, I was afraid of that." He said back, giving me a half smile. His voice sounded friendly, even a bit embarrassed but having lived on the street for so long I wasn't easily fooled by sweet voices. I dug my feet into the floor and ignored the beating of my heart in my throat and glared at him.

"You-" I began but was cut off by something slamming into the side of my body. I heard screaming and sobbing saying incomprehensible things. I tripped and fell against the floor hitting my shoulder and looked down on my chest where a little boy was waving his fists, beating them into my side. He was small, no older the six, so his attack didn't hurt but it served to scare the heck out of me for a moment. I tried getting a hold on his shoulders to stop his flailing but he squirmed around too much and continued to pound his fists into my side.

"Hey!" I said a bit frantic, "S-stop. It's alright, just get off me!" He just started screaming louder but now I could actually recognize what he was saying.

"Nooo! It w-wasn't Jem's, It wasn't Jem f-fault! He-e didn't didn't steal it. He d-didn't steal it. Don't! Stay-y ah away-" Tears were pouring out of his eyes and I panicked.

"Uh, hey I'm sorry! Please stop crying."

"That's enough Chris." The boy said standing above us and my heart speed up. I had forgotten he was there. He reached down and wrapped his arms around the boy's chest pulling him away, "Attacking her is the last thing you should be doing." The child stopped struggling and let the tears and snot run down his face as he whimpered helplessly.

He took the boy, Chris, away and then set him down kneeling on one knee to talk to him in hushed tones trying to calm him down. I watched them, picking myself up from where I was lying. The boy had his hand on the Chris's head in a comforting way and the child slowly grew quiet. Once he was satisfied the boy stood and turned towards me with an apologetic smile and held out my journal to me.

I blinked and looked blankly at it.

"You're a really bad thief."

I reached out and took the journal hugging it to my chest. I grabbed at my bag and put it in letting my sac fall against my leg. Now I could leave-

"I'm sorry about stealing your journal. Chris had asked me for some drawing paper, but I wouldn't give him any. He got the idea just to borrow some from someone on the street. I was just looking for your name when-" he cut himself off and cleared his throat, "Anyway, I know I really don't have room to ask anything of you but-" he squirmed uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck, "Could you stay awhile? I'd like to talk with you."

"Talk?" At this point I had little to no fears of him attacking me, given his supposedly calm nature, but I hesitated to except the invitation. Mostly because I already knew what he wanted to talk about and for obvious reasons I didn't want to try and explain the insanity written on those pages.

"Yes, I just want to ask you a few things about your journal," He looked over at Chris, "and a few other things."

I really didn't want to stay.

"Alright."

So that was the moment that I decided that I must have been either an idiot or a masochist. Of course I knew the real reason why I stayed but it's hard to put it into words. Something about the way he spoke, it intrigued me. He interested me. I felt compelled, however slightly, to hear him out. To stay. Well, instinct had gotten me this far. Besides, the way the teary eyed boy was looking at me from behind his tall companion touched a nerve.

The boy smiled brightly at me, like I'd given him a present, and turned and headed off toward the opposite end of the tree house, "Great! Wait at the table for a moment. I'll make something to drink."

I took that as a chance to finally take a look around the room. It was small, like any tree house would be, and cramped with stuff. All around the floor were stack of things, book, blankets, toys, clothing, newspapers, food, loose papers, pencils, maps, and various piles of junk. For a tree house it was actually quite large and by the chair the boy had been seated in before was a hot plate that he now placed a teapot on. Chris had huddled himself up into the corner with a crayon and a piece of paper ripped out of a book. I almost laughed at the sight. Thieves coloring and making tea? Though I guess if they were telling the truth about the child only wanting coloring paper then I guess they are really intentionally thieves. I was almost positive they were telling the truth about it too, I mean, why would anybody steal a cheap journal that had already been written in? The ugly black leather thing was hardly worth anything other than a good fictional story book.

"How far did you read?" I asked picking at my nail just to have something to do as I left my mind to process what was going on.

"…September twenty ninth." he said without turning from the teapot. I let out a quick dark chuckle at the questions that must be brewing in his head. September was not a good month for me. Well, that may not be completely true; the beginning of the month that I have forgotten might have been perfect.

"I didn't kill him," I said but then thought about it, "actually, I guess I did, but he isn't really a 'he'. More like an 'it'… I think."

"I'm not following." He said picking up the teapot and bringing it to the little table I was sitting at, pouring the tea into one long metal cup and a chipped ceramic one. He sat down across from me and took the metal cup, "What do you mean he was an 'it'."

I thought about my answer and tried my best to rephrase it so I wouldn't sound as insane as it truly was, "He wasn't human. He was one of those metal monsters I talked about in my journal. It just looked human."

"How did you know he was one of those monsters?" I was surprised he was taking the story calmly let alone seriously. I would have already locked myself up in an insane asylum.

"Later on I meet more people like him. They were wearing human skins and-"

"What? Hold on, start from the beginning. From September twenty ninth, what happened after that?" he asked me, sipping from his cup. I sigh, slightly irritated that I would have to explain everything, but I guess I had already committed myself to telling him what I knew. Why was I here again?

"Fine. Let's see… London right? I had decided to go to London that day." When he nodded I was silent for a moment, thinking back to those days a year ago, "well, I was pretty torn up back then, I mean, I had thought I murdered a completely innocent child. I was quickly running out of excuses to go on living. London was my main reason. It's seemed really important to me." I picked at the corner of my thumb nail, "Anyway I started heading North by foot, because I didn't have any money or desire to travel with people. I was frightened of people, so I avoided towns. But three or four days into my travels, I couldn't take my hunger any longer and I headed into town. I bought what I needed with the money I had collected up from my old town and I tried leaving as swiftly as possible but," I stopped for a moment lost in memory. I remember that moment, the point where things became so clear yet so horribly complicated.

I had been walking through the town, a brown bag resting in my arms, when it had happened. I was shuffling along, the brown cloak I had picked off the road a ways back thrown over my head in an attempt to make sure I didn't touch anybody. My stomach was in pain, causing my sides to cramp up every few steps or so until I finally made it to an alley way. I reached in my bag, grabbing on to a golden apple and just as it met my lips the man approached.

"Hello little missy, what are you doing so far from home?" A large man with a greasy beard was stalking his way down the alleyway toward me and I couldn't help my stifling gasp. I stumbled back, my back hitting the cold stone wall.

"What's wrong? Thought you could hide your innocence?" I didn't know what he meant by it but it sounded creepy so I gripped the bag and leaned to the side preparing to run when a curious sound came from the man. A bubbling gurgling noise came from his throat and then his face twisted horribly, his features actually morphing around his head. I let out a barely audible scream and the man's body ripped apart in front of me. A metal creature emerged from the mass and floated into the sky, it's guns trained on me. Akuma.

I didn't waste a second, ditching the bag and sprinting away, trying my best not to trip over the rubble. The monster shot its purple bullets at me as I ran, landing only inches away from my feet. The creature shot a hole in the wall next to me and it exploded, brick slamming into my side sending me flying back into the opposite wall. My head smashed against it and my lip was split but besides that I was alright except for the pile of brick weighing me down. I couldn't run and the Akuma quickly caught up.

I wasn't about to die. My hand grabbed onto a rusty pipe and I jumped up with it in hand and charged the monster swinging the bat at it as hard as I could. No effect. The Akuma simply pulled back and aimed his guns at me once more. I dropped to the ground instinctively as the monster shot at me. Once the gun shots stopped I picked myself up and swung at the beast again with my pipe, but it bounced off the metal uselessly and flew out of my hands. The monster swung forward trying to ram me and I put of my hands out to protect myself from the impact just as it hit me.

I was flung back, a high pitched screeching in my ears. I lifted my head, my eyes dazed, specks of black floating through my vision. The creature was thrashing around it side cracked and it's body chipping away turning to sand.

"What the…" I stood up shakily, spitting blood from my mouth and walking cautiously forward. It was lying on the ground screeching out incomprehensible curses. I must have forgotten I was there, and was completely focused on its preservation. I knelt down and gently brushed my finger against the metal and it cracked some more, the voice of the creature picking up an octave. My hand felt warm and numb, glowing ever so slightly. I stood and scrambled away running to the place I had dropped my bag and raced out of this town and far away from the Akuma.

"Hello?" the boy in front of me called from across the table, I jerk myself out of my memory and realized something.

"Hey, what your name?" I asked trying to get a hold on reality.

"…my name's Joseph, Jem for short, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing really, I just realized I didn't know."

"Well, as long as we're having introductions, what is your name?" he sat back into his chair with an exhausted yet amused smile.

" …"

He raised an eyebrow and waited for me to answer but I felt my eyes glazing over as I tried to remember. Because I couldn't remember. I had forgotten it all, from the origin of the markings on my back to my very name.

"I don't know."

"huh?"

"I don't remember. I thought you read my journal. I can't remember anything about myself besides a few things here and there." I said resuming my picking at my nails.

"So, what should I call you?"

"…"

"What have you been going by?"

"A whole bunch of different names, I just use fake ones whenever I need to sign my name or somebody asks." I wondered vaguely why I didn't just give Joseph a fake one. I mentally shrugged it off. Might as well keep the honesty thing going.

"Then what should I call you?" I sipped my now cold tea and stayed silent. He looked at me for a while and tilted his head to the side in thought. His glasses slid down his nose and he pushed then back up absent mindedly then ran his hand through his hair closing his eyes, mumbling.

"How about Sara?"

"Sara? Isn't it pronounced sah-air-ah?"

"I like sah-our-ah better."

"…ok.:

"Sara it is then."

It's strange getting a name from someone. I had been using fake names for almost a year but I had always been giving those names. Getting a name made the name seem more real, bidding and official. The name meant allot to me, and this wasn't an interrogation anymore. This wasn't a conversation between victim and thieves. This was a talk between the boy named Joseph and the girl names Sara. I could even tell Joseph felt the switch of the relation change. He seemed even happy about it.

I could see it. The way he sat in his chair, the way he let his eyes droop slightly, the way he lean forward and rested his cheek on his hand. He lost his formalities. I could feel my own self relaxing into it too. I sat less straight in my chair and finally started to try and work the tangles out of my hair as we talked. Almost like friends. Almost.

"Where was I?" I ask absent mindedly and picked up my story, "yes, well anyways I was leaving town and the man came up to me and suddenly burst into this metal creature and started attacking me. I managed to not get killed long enough to accidently touch the thing and it shattered into pieces like the boy. Later on I had gone back into town and bumped into somebody and they didn't shatter so at that point I decided that the boy must have been one of the metal things." I paused drinking the cold tea, "I was a bit skeptical on whether or not it was alright to kill something like that even if I wasn't human but I decided it was because…I've talked to them before."

"You mean the first little boy?"

"No. I meet this one girl before. She was about my age and she came up to me and said that she wanted me to kill her." I shook my head before I got lost in this memory too, "she was very insistent. She told me that I could do it, and that if I didn't do I quickly then she might change her mind and decide to kill me instead. So after that compelling argument she touched my hand and her eyes got all hazy and she told me that it felt like bliss. She looked like she hit some sort of peace within herself. Anyway I've talked to other people like her and they've had similar reactions so I think that wherever these people go must be nice. Plus all these people seemed like they were very troubled or in pain."

"So you're saying that there are metal creatures walking around every day in human flesh attacking humans, especially you, and you seem to be the only one who can defend themselves against them?"

"Pretty much."

"Hmmm…"

"Yea, I didn't really expect you to believe me." I shrugged placing the cup on the table and leaning back. Joseph stared at me for moment then turn in his chair to face Chris who was deep into his coloring.

"Chris." He said calmly and the child looked up with wide eyes. "Show Sara your drawings." The boy nodded slowly and collected up his papers and shuffled over the Joseph handing them to him and retreating back to his corner. Joseph took the papers putting them in order and laid them down on the table where I could see. I looked down at the papers and at the crayon drawing, I picked them up and shuffled through them, they all looked vaguely like-

"This one," he said pulling a piece of paper from a stack of book, "Is my drawing."

This one was done in pencil and I instantly recognized what it was. Staring right up at me was the horrid screaming face of an Akuma. The body structure, the guns, the root that spun around it. He couldn't have made this from my description in my journal.

"I think you'll find that I believe quite allot of impossible things." I picked up his drawing and held it closer to my face in disbelief.

"You're quite the artist." I managed. "So… I guess you already knew what I was talking about."

"Vaguely."

"Care to explain?"

"It killed my mother." He murmured taking the paper from me.

"Oh…" What are people supposed to say at a time like this?

"Yes, it happened fast when I was pretty young and I didn't know what had happened. I still didn't know what had happened and what had killed her until I stumbled across a peculiar journal entry talking about it." He sat back in his chair again sigh staring at the page in his hand wistfully. "Is there anything else you know about these Akuma?"

"No, I mean, all I know is that these things are simply killing machines, but I'm sure they understand what they are doing. They have a conscience, but they can't control themselves. They are compelled to kill."

"Do you know what is making them kill?"

"No."

"Do you know where they come from?"

"No."

"Do you know what they are?"

"No."

"Well aren't you bloody helpful." He said but he chuckled lightly deep in thought. I smiled at my own uselessness and laughed.

"I bet your mother was pretty." I said without thinking and he looks at me strangely for a moment and then smiles.

"She was."

"So, Is Chris your brother?" I asked changing the subject and flashing a glance to the boy in his corner.

"Yes." He said adjusting the thin frames of his glasses on his nose, "I've been taking care of him since my mother died." I almost asked him about his father but I decided against it. No need to dive into that pool.

"Must have been hard…" I said thoughtfully, letting my mind wander into thoughts of Joseph and Chris standing beside a grave dressed in black with nothing but each other. I wondered how it must feel to lose someone you love. I've never had anyone to love so I would never know the feeling of losing it.

Joseph raised an eyebrow at me, "Nothing compared to what you must have gone through." I thought about this a moment and shook my head.

"No. I guess it was scary for awhile and defiantly confusing, but… not heartbreaking." He watched me as I shifted awkwardly in my chair.

"What's in London?" he asked and I looked up at him, glaring slightly.

"You know I don't know that."

He shrugged, "Thought I might as well ask, you are still heading there?"

"Yep."

"May I come with you?"

"Huh?"

_AN:/ Hey guys. Ok, so first, Sara's name. I might have not explained it well in the story but the way you pronounce her name is strange. If you want to read it correctly think about the first syllable in 'Sorry' (Sor-ah)I had issues trying to find a spelling that would make it sound correct in the story because Sara is read as Sarah and Sora is read like the boy from Kingdom Hearts. Also, big thanks to all the favs and alerts and reviews. Honestly it means so much to know that you guys read this thing and it means even more to get feedback :DDDDD. THANK YOU! 3 /:AN_


	4. Frustration

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 4

"Good morning."

SMACK!

"Owww!" My forehead collided painfully into something hard as I jerked up. Bright lights blinded me and I curled up to my knees rubbing my eyes and massaging my throbbing forehead, I heard shuffling and a small groan of pain from behind me. My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw that I was under a stone bridge, the sun of the dawn rising up beyond the horizon. I blinked, my mind muddled, and turned toward the groaning behind me. Joseph sat crouched against the bridge rubbing his own head gingerly.

"What the hell were you doing?" I asked peeved to have been woken up, not being a morning person.

"Just waking you up." He said as if he was the innocent party.

"You didn't have to lean down so close to do it." I growled while my face was still scrunched up from the morning air and light.

"My mistake." He said flinching as he touched a sensitive spot on the bright red bruise now plastered on his head.

I shifted around, twisting my body so I was sitting facing Joseph instead of towards the opposite end of the bridge. I pulled violently at my bag I had been using as a pillow and reached inside it for my dried meat. I pulled strips of it out and began chewing on it for my breakfast, using my other hand to reach beside me to smooth the feathers that were slightly ruffled in Ty's back. I shook my head slowly and sighed, letting my eyes droop, almost closing completely, as I let my mind adjust to being awake.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice considerably nicer.

"Six."

Too early.

"Why am I up at six?" I asked him, the tone of my voice saying something ruder.

"You are trying to reach London sometime this century?" he said a grin on his face silently laughing at me. "You've been traveling for a year and still haven't reached it."

"I've gotten sidetracked." I mumbled rubbing my eyes again.

"Yes well, I'm not wasting a year wondering Europe. We'll make it there in a day or two if we start early in the mornings." Optimism was sickening at six in the morning, and I glared at him pulling at the strips of meat with my teeth.

This had not been part of the plan. Back at the tree house, now abandoned along with its treasure trove of objects, he had asked to accompany me to London. He explained to me about his goal, how he craved to know what these Akuma where, how he stayed up at night trying to replay the moment he had seen the creature in his mind until his head ached with the mental strain of remembering, how his only wish was to understand. To understand the death of his mother. He told me, that if he could just know, maybe he could let it go. If he knew and understood why she had to die. Why _his_ mother had to be one of the people who suffered from these unknown creatures. Only then could he lift the pain of his heart.

I didn't tell him that I didn't think understanding would help any.

But what do I know?

I thought about it for a long time before finally agreeing. Because on one hand, I wanted to travel alone. I liked acting on whim and impulse. I liked to stray of my beaten path, doing as I pleased as thoughts streamed across my mind while most of my actions having no reason and no way of explaining their origins. Even now that I knew that I wouldn't kill everybody I touched I didn't talk to people or get near them unless necessary. I really preferred to be without having to answer to anyone or explaining myself to judging eyes. Alone is just easier.

But.

There was that weird feeling in my chest again. The same one that had persuaded me to stay and tell Joseph about the Akuma in the first place. It fluttered in my chest and whispered in my ear, singing to me soft words telling me to take him with me. Telling me to keep him around. Besides the feeling, I also felt strangely empathic to Joseph. I didn't understand his pain. I didn't understand how the memory of his mother must have twisted his heart so painfully every time the thought of her crossed his mind. But I could see it on his face when he said the word. I saw it in the crease of his forehead and the tension in the lines around his mouth. I could see his pain he tried so hard to hide deep within himself and I felt myself wanting to help him make it go away. Maybe the answers in London would help, though I still doubted it.

So, I agreed. Joseph had spoken with Chris; spoke to him for hours through several series of tears and sobbing from the small boy as Joseph tried to explain why he was leaving and why he wasn't taking him. Joseph told him that he didn't want to risk his safety, that if he was in any danger, that he would be very sad. When the boy heard this he broke out in bigger tears apologizing and begging Joseph not to be sad. The whole scene tugged at my chest and I had to look away from them both. Finally, finally, Chris stopped crying and sniffled, drying his tears on his sleeve. He looked only at the ground and he hung his head low, not making eye contact with anything.

We had taken him to Joseph's friend Alexander, an engineer that would be willing to take Chris in for the time being if not adopt him. They said their goodbyes and Joseph kissed Chris on the forehead one last time before turning and leaving with me, setting out for London. I wondered as we walked the dirty streets of nameless towns, why Joseph left Chris to find answers? Joseph was searching to heal the hurt of loss yet he left someone he loves. Wouldn't that just make the wound ever so bigger? I didn't understand.

I didn't understand anything. I curled my legs up into my chest and rested my head on my knees closing my eyes fully. I didn't understand anything. Not Akuma, or myself, or the boy in front of me. I felt stupid. Like everybody know this really funny secret and they wouldn't tell me, no matter how I begged a pleaded and I started to think that maybe the secret was about me and that the whole world was laughing at me. So stupid.

I shoved the rest of the jerky in my mouth and stood pulling my bag over my shoulder and Joseph stood beside me, stretching his long legs out. I waited as he collected up his own bag filled with whatever possessions he felt should come with him and I called to Ty who shook a bit and hopped onto my shoulder and proceeded to fall back asleep and I envied the bird as we began our walking.

I didn't speak with him for a long time. Hours passed and the sun rose into the sky slowly casting a bit of heat across the late fall day. Joseph walked in front of me, his chest high and his feet sure, as if he had walked this path everyday of his life. I trailed behind watching his back and pondered him. I thought of how the hair around the nape of his neck sort of curled in faintly, I thought of the way his left leg ever so slightly limped, I thought of the way he reached towards his face every once and awhile to readjust the wire glasses on his face, and I wondered what he might be thinking about as we tromped are way across that rocky field. Possibly it was his mother, or his brother, or maybe the Akuma. He was so silent, I was hard to tell. Not knowing was getting on my nerves.

Once he looked back at me, possibly to check if I was still there, and when he saw me looking, he simply grinned and turned back to the land in front of him, eyes on his goal. I still didn't speak, nor did I try to catch up to him. Ty was awake, be he continued to stay on my shoulder, clinging to the cloth of my cloak, hardly making a noise as we moved forward. Ty hadn't approved of Joseph once I had agreed to let him come, and had taken to making a loud angry bird noise whenever he got to close, both to my silent amusement and wonderment. Though I already know Ty was a strange bird, was it normal for bird to have such particular opinions about people?

I didn't notice until it was too late to do anything about it that Joseph was using my daydreaming as an opportunity to slow the pace of his steps just enough to come down beside me without me seeing. I jerked to the side in shock and he laughed at me.

"I won't bite." He said smiling down at me.

"I know that." I glared up to him.

"Oh really?" he said eyes raise and he chuckled to himself. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

I shrugged keeping in step with him, Ty's feathers getting ruffed irritably, "I'm always hungry, it's nothing new."

"Oh, alright then. Do you want to stop at the next town and get something to eat?"

"I don't have money." I said thinking back to the unread novel in my bag.

"I'll buy." He said shuffling along.

"How much do you have?" I asked skeptically.

"Not much. It's enough though." He said. I doubted it thinking about some of the bills I had to run from in passing towns.

"You go ahead then; I'll just have some of my jerky."

"No seriously, I can pay."

"You haven't seen me eat seriously." I say picking up the pace, "How long till the next town?" I asked peeved.

"About a mile I think." he said looking around the horizon line, "See that?" he asked me point out, "Right there, that black spot."

I saw it rising over the horizon, a dark shadow on the grassy field. The thought of food was planted in my mind now and all I could see of the town was the possibility of a full stomach, and the measly jerky in my bag seemed sad in comparison. I sighed sifting away from Joseph in an attempt to calm Ty, who was waving his wings trying to be threatening.

"Exactly how much do you have?"

"About fifteen pounds." He said and I mentally converted it to francs.

"Alright then." I said though I doubted I could get enough to be satisfying but this way my jerky would last longer.

"Good." Joseph smile at me again.

"Stop that."

"What?" he asked losing the smile on his face.

"Smiling all the time. It's strange and a bit creepy." I told him before I realized just how rude it sounded. "I mean, it's just seems unnatural."

He didn't seem mad, he just stared at me for a moment, and then he looked away, his face painted with amusement. "Creepy huh? Haven't heard that before." He reached up and adjusted his glasses again. "Honestly I was just trying to be friendly. You've seemed on edge ever since we first meet. You looked so scared before I thought you might die of fright." Then he has a short dark chuckle and shook his head. I felt my face turn hot in embarrassment and anger. Then he continued, "You still seem like you're ready to bolt at any moment. Is it because you don't trust me or are you just scared?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said glaring. "This is how I normally act."

"Really?" He said raising his eyes. "So you're naturally stand-offish."

I ignored that, "I'm not scared, and I don't not trust you. You're just confusing to me."

"Confusing?"

"Yes!" I said, louder than I should have stopping in my tracks and I felt myself slipping, letting myself say it all at once, "You are just confusing. Nothing that you do makes any sense to me, and you don't explain any of it! What makes you think that I'll actually find something in London? It's a vague idea that I had, back when I was practically insane. Why are you putting all your faith into that one little fact? So much faith that you left your own brother who cried for hours to make you stay with him! What makes you possibly think that whatever you find, if you find anything at all, will help you get over your mother? Why do you even trust me? According to my journal I could be a murdering psychopath for all you know and yet you're willing to travel with me? AND WHY ARE YOU SO BLOODY NICE TO ME?" I stopped, though I wasn't finished, and panted, clenching and unclenching my fists. So stupid, I felt so stupid.

"Why?" I asked again, my chest deflating and my shoulders hunching over. "Why?" I whispered.

"I don't know." He said and I balled up my fist to punch him. I didn't though, "I don't know why. You have faith in it, don't you? I don't really have faith in London, but I have faith that you'll be the one to find something, whatever it is."

"Why do you have faith in me? We just meet."

"I don't know." I swore if he says that again I would become a murderer just to kill him. "Call it a feeling. I feel like I should trust you and I really didn't see that I had much of a choice. I want to learn about Akuma, and I might not have gotten a chance like this again. And about my mother…" he stopped and thought for a moment. "Well, it's worth a shot. I know it's not likely but…"

I didn't say anything, I just stood there, looking at my feet. Silence.

"I don't have all the answers Sara." He said looking away from me. "If you think I do, then that is where you're wrong." Wrong. Wrong and stupid.

"I'm sorry." I finally said, soft so it was barely audible. "I'm sorry I got mad."

"It's alright." He said, "Friends are supposed to fight sometimes right?"

I felt myself get red again, but not with anger. I turned my head away from him, hiding my embarrassment. I tried telling myself he was teasing me, but I didn't listen because my heart was jumping. Friends. My only friend that I can remember, which was as good enough as being my first.

"You don't make sense to me." I said taking a step forward.

"Sorry." He smiled, a real smile, and followed me.

_An:/Thank you for making it to chapter 4! It's astonishes me if you have read this far without giving up lol. Anyway quick side notes for anyone who is curious, Sara it a bit moody in this chapter. I realized this after I finished writing but I can see why. It's a combination of not being a morning person and an inferiority complex. Haha. So yea… thank you again for read and I'll talk to you again next chapter. /:An_


	5. Blinding light

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 5

I leaned my chest across the countertop and buried my face into my arms, letting my feet swing around the bar stool I was sitting on. The mundane clatter of the world surrounded me, seeping into the background as I thought of my sore feet and aching back. How they throbbed as I rested in the cramped bar, how they wished for a soft bed to rest on for months and months. I audibly sighed and rubbed my face into my shirt sleeves, pausing for a moment, and then lifting my head up to the protesting groans of my shoulders. I reached up and adjusted the strap on my shoulder, and turned on my stool so I could lean against the counter and face the window and watch the street rushing around outside.

The streets were busy, as streets are meant to be, busy, crowded, and loud. I watched laborers carrying there burdens in carts and I saw women embellished with powders and rouge dancing through arm and arm with men standing straight with onyx suits and hats. A thousand feet rushing around, crossing the dirt and cement going to their various destinations. Walking briskly forward to reach their goals. How nice it must be to know where you should be going so certainly. In front of the large glass window of the bar, a child stood. He wore a dark jacket hugging his torso, and a cap pulled tightly over his head. He watched the people, just as I had been, walking across the street yet he made no move to walk himself. He stood frozen by the window, swaying slightly in the wind. I pursed my lips in thought, and turned to the boy next to me.

"Do you think he has lost someone?" I asked Joseph. I sat perched on his stool, drinking deeply from a cup of coffee. He pulled away from his cup and turned to see the boy I was looking at.

"Maybe." He replied shortly, giving a half shrug and drinking from his cup again. I stared at him for a moment but quickly looked away, blushing slightly remembering our walk to this town. Though I had apologized and he had generously accepted my words, I remember myself lashing out seemingly randomly at Joseph who has been nothing but kind and yelling at him for my stupidity, and my stomach heaved nastily. I felt guilty, like a dog biting a stranger who, instead of kicking the dog away, chose to pet him. What's a dog to do now?

"By the way," he said turning to me, putting down his cup and leaning forward slightly, "I forgot to ask earlier but since we have time now, what have you been doing all this time? You told me you woke up somewhere in France, but it shouldn t have taken you a year to get to London."

"Mmm" I said looking at the black drink swirl in his cup, "Well for one, I was in Russia before I learned that I wasn t even heading in the right direction to get to England. Shut up, I m not good with direction." I said my face going redder as Joseph chuckled deeply from his stool.

"But Russia?" he laughed shaking his head, "I'd think when you d hit Switzerland or Germany, you'd know that something was wrong." I smiled his laugher infectious.

"Yea, well, I wasn't exactly in the right mental state to ask someone for directions. I met some interesting people in Russia, and I got sidetracked. Eventually I tried to see if I could head back to the town a started at and head to London from there but a man I was acquainted with persuaded me to take a train to Germany and take a boat from there. Sadly though, I boarded the wrong train and I ended up in china, very confused." I was laughing softly along with Joseph, remembering wandering the roads of China hopelessly. "French isn t all too useful in China as you might imagine. But I did finally meet this woman who knew English and she pointed me in the right direction. I refused to get back on a train again and I set out to Europe, walking the whole way. I stopped periodically in different towns to rest and work for food and money for rooms. I finally did make it to France again and I caught a ride with this family also headed to England. When we hit Cherbourg, I departed the family and swam the English Channel-"

"Wait, you swam the channel?" he asked an amused smile still wavering on his face. "You do know there are boats right?" I shrugged.

Didn't have the money for a ticket. Swimming the channel nearly killed me too, but I made it, exhausted and ready to die but I made it. And once I was in England it would be pretty hard to get of track from there. You can guess what happened next." I watched a man approach us, hot plates filled with food in his hands. I smiled brightly as he placed one in front of me, sizzling beef and buttered potatoes playing beautiful illusions of bliss in my head. Joseph thanked the man for the food and handed him his payment. I took a bite of potatoes.

I was close to tears.

"Thank you so much Joseph." I said through the food, forcing myself to be slow, to taste it fully before shoving more of it into my mouth. I saw Joseph in the corner of my eye and turned my head toward him. He had his hand over his mouth like he was trying to stop himself from smiling, but I saw his laugher in the roundness of his cheekbones and the glint in his eyes.

"Sorry." He said trying to smother his laugher and failing, "It s just the faces you re making." Then he pulled away and laughed openly," Like you've never tasted food before. Like these potatoes are a meal from heaven." I looked at him for a moment and grinned at his laugher. It had bugged me, his endless smiles, before. It was different now though, these were real, and this was Joseph.

I kind of liked him.

I took to devouring my food as slowly as possible, which turned out to be not very slow at all because he looked at my empty plate with wide eyes when I finished before he even started his own. We talked and teased and laughed, and slowly the food on Joseph s plate grew less and less and I decided I didn t want the food to disappear. I wanted the food to stay where it was so I could stay in this nice bar with it s nice cooks and quiet people and Joseph s laughs.

Too much to wish for?

Yes.

Something seized inside my chest, my breath catching in my throat and my body tensed in my seat. Joseph didn't miss a beat.

"What's wrong?" he said glancing over curiously. I shook my head slowly, tilting my head to the side reading my unease. I turned around from the bar and searched the window.

"He's gone." I said softly. Joseph turned with me.

"He probably found whoever he lost." he said to me, "Either way, it's none of our business."

"I need to go find him." I stood.

"What?" he asked like I suggested we go hunt unicorns.

"I need to go find him." I repeated emphasizing 'need'. My voice was strange, light and airy. Feather-like, touching the air gently instead of the crashing of my harsh syllables. I turned once to look at Joseph who watched me incredulously. He sighed and stood with me.

"I'm starting to understand why you got so sidetracked." he gave a small half grin. I peeked around him and saw the plate of food that he hadn't eaten. A shame really. I nodded at him, like it meant something, and nearly sprinted out of the bar. When I made it through the bar's door, I stood stunned for a moment, the chaos of the streets around me sending panic throughout my body but I shock it off and confidently stepped into the sounds of scraping feet and voices echoing down the mass of bodies. I weaved through the crowd like a master, checking ever now and then to see whether Joseph was following. His tall body made him slower to sneak through holes in the clutters of legs but whenever I looked back I could always see him. He was still following me. I pressed on.

I was far down the street before I stopped in my tracks abruptly. I paused for a few moments letting the travelers stream by me like water and Joseph caught up with me. I clutched his arm and dragged him around and into an alleyway beside a police station and a market place. I dropped his arm quickly and leaned against the wall gripping my head. There was no physical pain, no knives stabbing my head. There was something though. Something was inside my mind, a presence of some sort. Then as quickly as it had come, it left. I closed my eyes and tried to be logical. I could stop running now and freak out about someone being in my head, which, would likely cause Joseph to finally come to the conclusion that I was crazy or I could ignore it and deal with it later.

Ignoring it never hurt anybody right? Not that I really had a choice, the gripping unease in my chest filled my lungs with air and adrenaline was coursing through my veins. I had to move. I had to find that boy. I lifted my head to a worried looked from Joseph and I almost laughed.

"Your face isn't made right for worry." I told him and shuffled down the alley way, all the while Joseph shadowing my steps. We ran hard for awhile and I was quickly reminded that I was not someone who willing exerts herself nor am I in any physical condition to start. I was not build for running. But run I did.

Then suddenly, I wasn't. I stopped and grabbed onto Joseph pulling him back and down against the wall of the alleyway, crouching behind a large engine.

"What's wro-"

I shoved my hand over his mouth, silencing him and then placed my pointer finger once over my lips. I took my hand away and he adjusted himself on the ground. Then he spoke, his voice so light and fragile it might as well have been the wind.

"What's wrong?" he breathed.

"Akuma." I whispered back, "Around the next corner." I knew this, because I felt it in my stomach and smelt it in the air. My stomach was trashing violently around warning me desperately on the dangers waiting. The air stank of sulfur, and rust. The rusted smell of fresh blood being spilt. I swallowed the vomit that threatened to escape my throat. The bile burned like acid as it retreated into the back of my throat.

"What should we do?" the air next to me asked.

"We need to know what the Akuma looks like." I told it back in hushed tones, "If it looks like a human then we can talk to it, if it looks like one of the metal ball things..." I let my voice trail off because I didn't know what we'd do. We couldn't run. Scratch that. I couldn't run. Joseph could leave any time he felt right. He didn't though. I wonder what that means.

I crouched low to the ground, shifting my weight and moving across the floor. I drifted towards the corner slowly, like fog on a twilight lit town. My lungs where tight with air, heart racing to jump out of my throat, sweat beading down my face and my feet finally reached the place the wall broke of and turns in. I took a breath. Two. I leaned over and looked around the bricks.

A golden lion gleamed in the bright sun, his hide giving off waves of light and scorching flame. He was a machine, constructed of large metallic body parts that coiled together to form his chest and torso. A long tail flailed out dressed with millions of razor like spikes. Vicious fangs protruded from his mussel, dripping something that stank onto the ground. This was not human nor was it anything that looked like the metal ball things.

I looked down to its paws, and saw a dark figure laying crippled on the ground, a deep pool of red forming around it. The lion roared into the air and tore at the flesh of its victim, bringing back something that looked vaguely like a shoulder with a arm attached. The sound of blood and flesh being sucked on and devoured, assaulted my ears and I was instantly glad I could see the victim's face through the lion's shadow. I could stomach the scene, I could, as long at the body didn't have a face. Because without a face, it wasn't really human. Yea, I didn't believe myself either.

Rough hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me around the corner, and I now faced Joseph, his eyes full of questions. I opened my mouth to say something but a flash caught my eye. I turned my head slowly and stared at a object laid discarded in the dirt. It took me a moment but the realization came hard, like a slap in the face and i almost cried out in some sort of pain. The child's hat laid at my feet, light blue and specked with violent red blooms.

Joseph took my chin and pulled my face back to him, his eyes were pained but focused. He knew.  
>"What did you see?" he whispered. Louder than before so i could hear him easily.<p>

"It's a Akuma... but it's not human." I paused shaking my head back and forth. "and it's not one of the metals balls. It's this metal lion... on fire." he blinked at me and I continued, "I've never seen anything like it before."

"You're sure it's a Akuma?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's not a new species of lion."

"You know what I mean."

"What can it be other than a Akuma?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking." I glared when he said that and I opened my mouth to give a retort, but I shut up when I heard a long pointed growl in my ear. My heart caught in my throat and I felt the Akuma stalking up to the wall I was leaning against, finished with the child and looking for a new kill. Whether the lion knew we were there or not didn't matter, because he was simply steps away and eventually he'd find us, so I reached up grabbing Joseph's shirt sleeve and began running desperately down the alleyway.

Not seconds later did I hear the roar of the lion and a loud malicious... laugh? Laugher thunder across the wall, wet with blood and anticipation. I turned my head and saw that it had come from the lion, a definite human laugh ripping through its throat. I turned back quickly, forgetting the horrible aching in my chest and fling my legs out in front of me. Strange how fear make you tremble, even when you re so focused, so distracted with the task at hand you can barely think yet fear streams through your body anyway making it shake violently. Making your legs tremble so much you trip. You fucking trip.

My hands stopped my face from hitting the ground first and I skidded a good three feet before stopping leaving my hands to act as breaks, pealing of skin and flesh in the process. They stung deeply, like I clutched acid inside them, and I screamed pulling them into my chest. Joseph had run on ahead, not realizing I had tripped for several steps, but he turned now and reached for me. I screamed wordlessly in a attempt to get him to get keep running. He flinched but kept reaching for me grabbing at my shirt to pull me to my feet. I screamed curling into my hands, the blood soaking into my shirt and hair, and Joseph pulled away.

"SARA!" he yelled and my name rang out into the air, ordering my head to come up and see him trying to get me up, a emotion plain on his face. Fear. Fear looked sad on his face.

I stood shakily by his command and stepped forward and was hit instantly by the metal lion catching his fleeing prey. His large fiery head slammed into my shoulder and his mouth wrapped around my shoulder and I felt his six inch long fangs sink into my flesh scrapping my bone and piercing my muscles. No screaming this time, no pain. I felt the long teeth inside my arm but it wasn't painful. Shock can do that to you sometimes. It can make you go numb.

I watched the lion gnaw on my shoulder calmly, the flames eating at my clothing. A sickly gargling noise came from his throat and he released my shoulder and I stumbled back and was caught by Joseph who held me in place. The lion reared back his mouth beginning to dissolve and I felt myself smiling because I knew it was over for him. I waited for him to disintegrate and blow away as dust in the wind. I waited. Waited.  
>The lions stood tall on its front paws it's mussel melted away leaving only half his teeth and his face scarred violently but that was all. He was hurt, but he was still very much alive. I glanced at the bloody mess that was my shoulder, flesh caked with dark red blood oozing a sickly black color. I watched my untouched skin around it and saw the little black pentacles forming and I was glad I couldn't feel anything. Sadly, when you can't feel the pain, you can feel urgency. I just shook there in Joseph's arms as he tried pulling me away from the lion, and I simply watched everything with an apathic gaze.<p>

The lion struck again and something inside me told me Joseph wouldn't react the same way to the pentacles. I pulled away from him and flung myself at the lion.

_/A: I'd like to thank you all for reading my story, i'm so greatful to all of you and i'm surprised you've read this far :3 Nothing much to say about this chapter accept that my computer has been broken so i wrote this on a computer that didn't have Word so the quality of the grammar and spelling may be low...sorry:A/_


	6. Reawakening

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 6

"SARA!"

-bleeding hands turning a brilliant rose color-

_I know, this isn't much..._

-flame rose across his body and I screamed at him to run-

_all stars could be brighter..._

-my blood smeared across the floor-

_all hearts could be warmer..._

"Joseph!" The words blurred from my mouth-

_find your way into my heart..._

-digging into the flesh covering my stomach and I was sure-

_for things to be quiet..._

-sound of approaching foot steps leading innocents to their deaths-

_quiet like the snow..._

-rolled through my mind but I couldn't stand. I couldn't do allot of things-

_what would It take..._

"Joseph?" the words didn't escape my lips and my eyes drooped-

_what would It take..._

-Darkness... Darkness again...-

…

"Do not fear. A doctor will come soon." A women's voice rang through my darkness.

"Do you really believe she'll live? Do you not see those wounds?" A man's voice followed.

"Hush. She might still be able to hear you." her voice struck out.

"I doubt It." the man said and then added, "At this point, it may be more merciful to kill her now, a quick death is better than a death of blood loss and fever."

"Hold your tongue Emmet. The Exorcist will do their job and we need to do ours. We need to save as many of them as possible."

"And the boy?" the man asked.

"Joseph..."

"She spoke!"

"Child do you hear me?" the women called but her voice was fading, "You hang on, a doctor will come for you and your friend soon."

This was not an unfamiliar darkness. I had been there several times before. A world of nothing. There was no sadness in my nothing, not anymore. I let the nothing eat my heart away and I no longer saw the need to envy feelings, to desire light or to remember those things that held me to existence. Almost like sleeping but having conscious thought throughout. If I had feared this nothing before, the darkness took that from my mind too. The ultimate in eternal contentedness.

What voice could call into my nothing and touch my heart? What hand could lift me from the pits out of my sanity and bring me to the light? What face did I desire to see that could bleed away the darkness and shower me with my lost feelings? The nothing had taken the answers away.

I awoke to blinding lights that flashed a rainbow of colors in my eyes and the air seeped into my lungs audibly. I flinched and found my arms as I tried to cover my aching eyes. I blinked hard and slowly lowered my hands and my eyes searched the room hungrily. It was a small space, bleached white and smelling of harsh alcohols. I felt myself with my hands, finding a strange dress on me, covered with piles of pristine white sheets. I pulled at the sheets as I looked around the room, taking in its emptiness. It held only a small bed, which I saw I was currently laid out on, and a quaint little side table holding a vase of dying flowers and objects I couldn't name. They looked thin and metal, various sizes and shapes, like tools. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and sat against the wooden backboard of my bed.

I pursed my lips thoughtfully and began to collect my mind. How far back could I remember? I stared at the ceiling but saw the fields of France and the ruins of a town that I vaguely remembered. What's my name? This one took longer and words played at my lips before I found It. Sara. Where am I? I looked around the room again and came up blank, though I didn't expect an answer. I sighed and closed my eyes and started unraveling the more difficult memories. How did I get here?

I remembered.

"Joseph." I murmured sitting up straight. I pulled the sheet away from my body and swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I pressed my bare feet to the floor and another question occurred to me. I had never seen this dress before, and I knew I had different clothes on before. I pulled at the collar of my dress, looking at my naked body and I reached for the hem of my dress curiously. It was short and plain, a light blue and slightly grungy, and it opened at the back revealing my body. Pretty idiotic design if you ask me. I stood and the dress's end fell to my thighs. I shifted my weight onto each foot testing my balance and stretching my muscles. I stepped forward towards the door.

It opened before I could get to it and a woman stood in the doorframe looking at me with wide eyes.

"Oh! Hello... how are you out of bed?" she said her mouth hanging slightly open in surprise.

"Who are you?" I asked stepping back slightly surprised. I had assumed it was a hospital, but it didn't occur to me that there may be nurses here.

"Jennifer." she said as she stepped Into the room gracefully, placing a tray on the table and turning back towards the door, "Come In quickly Corinna." she called and took my arms leading me back to the bed. A petite girl lingered in the doorway, face blushing deep red, shyly holding rolls of bandages in her arms.

"Now," Jennifer said pushing me back onto the bed and looking me in the eye "How are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"This morning alone I had to change your bandages five times on your shoulder and your stomach and the doctor was sure you were going to die. Now you're up and moving like you don't have anything wrong with you."

"Five times huh? That sounds tedious."

"Please be serious." she made a thin line with her mouth, tucking back strands of hair that had fallen from her tight bun. Her eyes were dark and calm, but I saw uneasiness in the way she held her face. "You should be dying of blood loss right now."

"Blood loss and fever."

"What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head back and forth slowly, "I'm healed now so there is no reason to worry. This actually happens allot." I said this to reassure her, but I served to only make her eyes get wide with surprise. The girl was hidden behind her, but her face peeked out from around her back, mouth gaping open.

"Ms. Jennifer, is this the girl you told me about?" the women answered with a stiff nod, "but, wasn't her stomach ripped open?"

"Indeed." Jennifer looked down at me like I owed an explanation. Sadly, I had none to give.

"Look, I heal fast. Can we leave it at that?" I said looking at my lap. There was a silence and a brisk sigh.

"Let me check your shoulder and stomach. Corinna is here to learn how to wrap bandages correctly. I was just going to let her watch while I did It but considering you seem to be far from a fatal condition, would you mind allowing her to practice on you?" I hesitated, looking at the small shaking girl's bright eyes, staring at me like I was some sort of monster. I doubted she wanted to change my bandages.

"Only if she would like to." I told Jennifer, as I looked at my hands. They were thickly covered in medical tape so they looked twice there normal size. Jennifer spoke to Corinna but I wasn't listening anymore. I began to unravel my hands as they talked around me. Once I reached the bottom layer of bandage I saw the dark red stains that had nearly turned brown thickly coating the coarse cloth. At first the blood stuck to my skin, holding the bandage in place but I pulled them apart and the blood simply flaked across my hands.

"Holy…" Jennifer's voice hovered around me. Her long fragile fingers took my hand and she pulled it closer to her face. Her face revealed that she didn't really understand what I meant when I said I heal fast. She rubbed the blood away from my hand and found nothing to suggest that my flesh had been attacked by the ground. She told Corinna to unwrap my shoulder and with slightly trembling fingers she did so, showing skin similar to my hands, dark with dried blood but completely healed. Even I was surprised when I saw that my stomach didn't even have a scratch.

Corinna was right, I was a monster.

"How…"

"I don't know." I wondered briefly if I might someday never have to say the cursed phrase. It seemed doubtful.

Then Jennifer the nurse did something that I shall remember for as long as my memory is still mine. She looked at me uneasily, seeing the girl who was not human, who couldn't possibly be human, and placed a hand on my shoulder. Her face relaxed into a smile, and her hand was warm and… accepting.

"I'm glad you are alright, my days are made brighter when young girls like you can live just a bit longer. Is there anything you'd like me to bring you?" I suddenly felt a weigh on my chest, and a wave of sadness washed over me. My eyes threatened tears and I looked down speaking into my lap.

"Thank you. Food. Please, I'd really like to eat."

"Alright." She smiled and told Corinna to fetch me something. She turned to leave the room too and I grabbed onto her sleeve before she could.

"A boy. There was a boy with me before. He's ridiculously tall and he has glasses. Is he here? Is he okay?" There was a slight pause.

"Is he handsome?"She asked smiling at me.

"huh?"

"Is your boy handsome?" I didn't really like the way she phrased the question but I nodded. He was handsome.

"The boy that came in with you was alright, he simply had a few burns and a concussion." She turned from me and left the room, shutting the door with her last words, "nothing fatal."

Relief. My lungs filled tight with air and I felt a trail of a tear escape from my eyes. I would go find Joseph. I curled up into a ball on my bed and sank into memories. I would search for him. I just... needed a minute.

I sat shaking on the bed for far too long and Corinna returned with my food before I could get myself under control. I didn't lift my head from my knees to meet her eyes but I did stop shaking when I felt her small hand against my back. She made small hushing sound as she rubbing my back as if she was calming a child. She must have gotten over her fear of monsters.

"Thank you." I told her, uncurling myself and reaching for the tray of food. It had a sandwich, ham and cheese by the look of it, a tall glass of milk, an apple, and some sort of pudding. I smiled at it sadly and nibbled on it at first. Once I swallowed my first bite, my stomach roared and I shoveled it down without thinking.

Corinna smiled at me as I ate impossibly fast, amused by my stomach just as Joseph had been.

"Your bag is with your friend. They thought it was his but he didn't seem the type to read Sherlock Holmes."

"You went through my bag?" I asked through a mouth full of apple. She nodded and quickly added, "I didn't read anything if that's what you're worried about, it was just open and I happened to see it." I didn't have much to say to that so I stayed silent and shoved as much food in my mouth as possible.

"Once you're done I can take you to him." She said.

"What's with the sudden change in attitude." Letting my mouth say rude things again, "Earlier you didn't want to touch me, what's with the kindness?" she was quiet and the responded softly.

"You just seem really sad."

It was pity then. Well, it was better than fear.

"Alright then." I said placing the tray down, "lead the way."

She lead me from the room into a thin hallway garnished with many doors, we weaved through several hallways and stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall. She opened her mouth to say something but then silenced herself and quickly departed, leaving me standing at the door.

I opened the door and looked inside. He wasn't covered in sheets and he wore the same clothes I remembered him in, though tattered and muddy. He was laying on a bed similar to mine, and he was propped up on a mound of pillows, his eyes closed, sleeping. I smiled and walked forward.

I stopped when I could see his face. His glasses were gone and a long band wrapped around his head spotted with blood, his hair sticking up around it in strange directions. Burns ran up the side of his right cheek and around the side of his eye. They stretched out like a spider web down towards is ear and across his eyebrow. They were a harsh red and bound to scar. I looked at the skin of his arms that were visible around his shirt and saw they were also burned but not as severely. These would heal.

I felt my chest fall when I saw the burns on his cheek, knowing they wouldn't heal. Damn it. I had caused those burns. I lead him to that Akuma. Me.

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes and I shuffled around the room sullenly. I found my bag and retrieved my journal. Pulling a chair in the corner of the room over to Joseph's bed I began reading from day one.

I was an hour before Joseph woke up, and I had just reached my train ride to China. He opened his eyes slowly, eyes drooping low. A small moaning noise came from the back of his throat and he leaned forward pulling his head into his eyes. I put the journal into my lap and watched him, not sure if I should announce my presence. I didn't matter in the end though, because he turned his head slightly towards me and I caught his eye.

"Ahh!" he gasped jerking back. I grinned at him and the stopped when I saw his scars. "Sara?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"Yep." I said toying with the journal in my hands. He squinted at me and then rubbed his head like he had an ache.

"I can't see…" he murmured as if he was too confused to understand why this was.

"You're glasses are gone." I pointed out and he touched his face, realizing I was right. The way he looked around the room and at himself I could tell he was having issues, his eye sight proving to be terrible. Not only was he blind but his head seemed to be aching furiously because he kept rubbing his forehead with pained eyes.

"Do you feel okay, Joseph?" I asked glancing at the burns on his cheek.

"Just peachy." He mumbled, an irritated lit in his tone, probably from the headache he couldn't shake. "What happened? I'm having issues remembering."

"W-well…" where to start? "Um… we were eating lunch and I had a weird feeling so we left and ran into this Akuma lion thing. It attacked us and well…" my voice trailed off as I shied away. I was ashamed of myself, I'll admit. If I hadn't passed out, I might have been able to prevent the scars.

He seemed confused for a moment, but then all at once his eyes lit up with realization. He had spun around and his eyes squinted at me. "You're okay?"

"Y-yea." I said stiffening.

He took his hand and gripped my shoulder, and with the other hand he cupped my cheek in his palm and he pulled me nearer.

"you're really alright?" he moved his face closer, lines of worry deepening and his forehead cut deeply forcing his eyes to squint. He surprised me and I tried to escape his touch but he felt this and only gripped me harder, not painfully, but firmly. He thought I was hiding an injury that didn't exist.

"y-yes I'm alright." I felt my face burning from his touch and I couldn't help but try to pull away again, to no effect. He held me in place and made his face twist in strange ways to try to improve what little vision he had. I didn't like to be touched, nor did I want anybody getting so close to my face, It simply frightened me. I wished to smack his hands away, to wash my face of his touch.

I didn't though. His face was painful to look at when it as covered with his burns and twisted with panic and worry. I had made his face this way, a face that had been so beautiful, nearly flawless, and I had corrupted it with violence and my coldness. It was pitiful, a sight that hurt my eyes and sent pain into my chest. I owed him much.

I let him touch my face, and only flinched slightly when he brought my face closer once again. We were only a breath away and I could see his eyes struggling to find me. I took a silent breath and tried holding myself still. His hands relaxed and he brought the hand on my shoulder up to my face to join the other. He used his fingers to feel across the lines of my face, trying now to see with them like a blind man. I closed my eyes and held the air in my lung, feeling the trails of heat across my skin leaving a fire on my flesh. My face tends to turn red allot but I suspected now my face was taking it to a new extreme. I took a breath as he ran his finger over my eyes and I tried to relax myself. Slowly I did and he removed his hands.

"Sorry." he said his face unfolding, returning to itself.

"Mmmh." nodded slightly pulling away and averting my eyes from him. The heat faded from my cheeks.

"So... You are alright. I won't touch you again but what about your shoulder? What about your stomach?" he looked like he was going to be sick. I started to say that I was fine but it stuck in my throat.

"My stomach and shoulder are both healed good as new." I told him instead.

"How is that possible?" he asked rubbing his eyes. I laughed slightly without humor and answered with the words that were familiar.

"I don't know."

We stared at each other for a moment and he smiled at me, a huge sigh causing his body to fall into itself, shoulders relaxing and his back slumping over. He looked like he had been beaten.

Being around Joseph was weird. During my journey to London I had meet a wide assortment of people from various places and acquainted myself with them. I knew many people in several countries but never did I really pay them any mind. Joseph was a first for many things. He was the first to know of my strange ability to kill Akuma. He was the first to call me a friend. He was the first to try and save me. He was the first to worry about me. He was the first to want to touch my face.

He made me laugh and joke. He made me frustrated and angry. He made me ashamed and worried. How many days had we known each other? Two, maybe three? Yet he inspired all these strange feelings within me that made me feel both strong and weak. Protected yet utterly vulnerable. He made me human.

I squirmed uncomfortably.

A knock came from the door and I looked up at it. A few moments of silence passed and Joseph called to invite them in. The door opened to reveal a frightened Corinna and two people dressed in long tan coats. A large older women, maybe in her forties, built wild and solid. Her face was dark and worn down, a face that had seen many years of harshness. Next to her was a boy in a similar coat, considerable younger than her, maybe a few years my senor. He had light ginger hair and a thin mousy face with eyes that darted around the room. Corinna shuffled into the room and swept behind me, away from them both. I was on guard.

"Who are you?" I said, my voice portraying a false courage.

The women stared me down and responded in a monotone, "Roxanna and this twit is Emmet." He gestured to the boy next to her. He turned to glare at her and then he stepped forward hand outstretched in greeting.

"That doesn't really answer my question." I said, not taking the boy's hand. He grinned and withdrew his hand.

"We are finders."

"Just get to the bloody point." Joseph muttered under his breath irritably rubbing his head.

"We understand you are under the possession of Innocence." The women said crossing her arms.

"Are you trying to be poetic or something?" that's what I said but I doubted this women had any tolerance for poetry. The boy looked at me curiously, a smile playing at his lips.

"Don't tell me you don't know. Don't tell me you threw yourself at a lion and you don't know." He grinned like I was a great joke. I felt my mind scream. Suddenly all my frustration, all my irritation, all my stupidity was directed at the laughing boy.

"Who the hell are you?" I hissed at him, venom dripping through my words.

"Hey, calm down, were trying to help you."

"Sure you are." I snapped at him. I wanted him to leave. I didn't want to see his horrible mousy face. I wanted him to leave. He stepped back.

"Ms. Sara." The women coming forward, clunking him on the top of the head with her hand, "ignore him. He's new to the Order." She looked over at Joseph and then to me. "I am glad both of you have returned to health. We all must discuss a few things."

_AN:/ lots of dialogue this chapter~ Damnit Sara! All that sexual tension and it goes right over your head! Why must you be so naïve to emotion? *sob* … I feel bad for Emmet. Wrong place at the wrong time dude. Next time just keep your mouth shut. Thank you all for reading chapter six of TDIS! I am very grateful to all of you and I hope you'll review! Please…? ^u^" /:AN_


	7. Decision

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 7

"Corinna." I said reaching for the girl's arm. I turned my head toward her and faked a smile, "Why don't you go attend to other patients. Joseph is fine." The girl quickly accepted my invitation to leave and she rushed out of the room, taking pains to make a wide arc around Roxanna and Emmet. She obviously didn't like them. Then again, she didn't like me at first either.

Once the door closed the four of us into the room alone, Roxanna began speaking, "Like I said before, Emmet and I are finders. We work for an organization called the Black Order, and we work under an elite team of people who do various jobs for the Order. We have come to believe that you are in possession of a substance that we are searching for. A substance called Innocence. Have you heard of this before?"

I was about to loudly proclaim that I didn't but I stopped myself. Because I had heard of it before, "…yes, I think I have. I wrote about… and I remember…" Sometimes the Akuma talked about innocence.

"Innocence is a mystical substance that's causes a variety of different reactions to its environment and its accommodators. When controlled, it's a weapon used to destroy dark matter in the form of demons called Akuma." I twitched and stared at the women. Was… she telling the truth?

"Mmmm." She said and pulled a chair resting by the wall toward where we were talking and Emmet followed suit. She sighed into her chair and rubbed her neck. Her harsh eyes softened, "Listen child, there is allot to know and I'm really not the person to be explaining it all to you, we need to leave that to the scientists or Komui. I can't answer the questions I know you're bound to have but right now the most important thing that needs to be decided is whether you will come with us and what we are going to do about your friend."

I narrowed my eyes, "What do you mean 'what we are going to do about your friend'?" Emmet coughed and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

"I'd like to know that too." Joseph added leaning his head on his hand.

"Don't worry, it's not what you think it is." She waved off our worries. "I only mean that we need to decide where you will be going once we leave with Sara-"

"I'm not going anywhere." I said setting my mouth into a scowl.

"Well we still need to talk about it."

"Listen babe." Emmet said, "You see, you have the Innocence we've been looking for over a year for. You don't even know how far we've gone tracking you down. We can't go back to headquarters without the Innocence and you're the Accommodator, so as the name implies, you'll have to come with it."

"Don't call me babe." I frowned, "What do you mean 'Accommodator'?"

"What the twit means is that you're the Innocence's partner." Roxanna said thumping Emmet on the head.

"That's strange, because I can't be partner to something I don't have." I pursed my lips. Roxanna smiled.

"You know as well as I do that you do have it. You wouldn't have survived this long if you didn't. Innocence is the only way to fight Akuma, and you've been able to kill them." I didn't have anything to say to that because… well it made sense.

"Innocence kills Akuma…" I mumbled, "What exactly is Innocence?"

"An excellent question for the scientists, you can ask them when we arrive at the Order." Emmet said clapping his hands.

"Why should I go anywhere with you?" I spat at him.

"Ms. Sara." Roxanna said ignoring Emmet, "We need this Innocence and we need Accommodators. Without people like you thousands of people will die. There is a war going on. One that can change the world if we lose. Don't you want to understand why Akuma attack you? Don't you want to stop them from harming others?"

Too much. I couldn't processes so much in such a small time. Akuma, Innocence, Accommodators, a War, I didn't understand anything that she was saying.

"I don't understand anything your saying."

"Then I will have to ask you to make a leap of faith and come with us to the Order." She said and something in her voice caught in me. A memory…

"You're the one who spoke to me when I was unconscious…" I turned to Emmet, "You wanted to kill me." His face turned red.

"I didn't know you could magically heal yourself!"

"… That doesn't normally happen with Innocence?" he seemed to think about this for a moment and then once he opened his mouth again to speak, Roxanna hushed him. I looked at her puzzled and her smile apologetically.

"Other that the fact that these questions should be answered at the discretion of the higher ups, we cannot speak so freely of the Order in public. Though the door to this room is closed, our enemy has ears everywhere." Roxanna sighed and rubbed her neck again, "This was so much easier before. Certain events have lead to a confidential and strict code of conduct. The Order lives in constant fear of losing this war, and we have learned that trust is not something to give carelessly."

"Yet you ask me to give mine."

"No, I ask for your cooperation. I wish you no harm and I'm willing to sacrifice myself if it means you are safe. I will not lie to you, if you refuse to cooperate, the Order is not against using force. If the Order wants you to come, you will come." She said sullenly. The way she said it it made a chill run down my spine and my eyes darted away.

"Maybe you two should step out for a moment so she can think it over." Joseph suggested brightly from his bed. Emmet flinched having forgot the Joseph was there and Roxanna nodded and dragged Emmet from the room. Once the door shut he turned to me with his eyebrows raised.

"Do you think they are genuine?" He mused leaning back on his pile of pillows.

"Sort of hard to believe," I murmured "a magical rock that kills demons."

"She said substance, not rock."He said, "Besides the fact that she called them the same thing you do is a bit strange. Akuma."

"Yea but it's not like I have Innocence. I don't hit the damn things with rocks or 'substances'. I just touch them." He pursed his lips at this.

"It's the best explanation you have so far."

"It's hardly an explanation at all." I ran my fingers though my hair irritably. "Roxanna won't tell us anything if we don't agree to come with her."

"You agree to come with her, you mean." Joseph said pressing his palms against his eyes. "I don't think the invitation was extended to me." I didn't say anything to this and Joseph sighed.

"Sara… you didn't really have a purpose to going to London. The name just seemed familiar to you. If you go with them, you could learn all sorts of things. You could learn about Akuma and yourself and you know…" he paused looking at me, "maybe you could get your memory back."

"My memory?" I murmured.

"It's possible. After you lost your memory, all this stuff started happening to you right? Well, maybe these guys were involved. Maybe they can help you."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I guess I'll have you try and figure things out myself." He smiled sadly and pressed his palms once again into his eyes.

"Do they hurt?" I asked as he moved his palms in small circles.

"Only when I try to focus on something for too long. Do you know where my glasses are?"

"They weren't in my bag, they probably were smashed." He frowned at that.

"I don't have replacements."

"Will you be okay without glasses?" I asked.

"I'll be fine but it defiantly won't be helpful. I can't see anything. It all just looks like blurring water colors across paper." His scowl deepened. "Don't change the subject. Are you going to go with them?" I stared at him and said nothing.

I didn't know. For one thing, they could be completely fooling us. Though why do this and how they know about Akuma and my ability to destroy them seems a bit odd. Their story was strange, a rock- sorry, a 'substance'- that vanquishes demons. I wasn't religious, but I guess if it was some holy thing sent by God it would make sense. Like holy water and crosses. And what was this Order? Whatever it was it didn't give me the impression of something good, but that could just be because I'm still a bit shaky from…well never mind.

All and all, they're story was full of holes and assumptions. Nothing near convincing or reassuring. Plus, why should I even go in the first place? Joseph had said I could understand about Akuma and myself and get back my memory but did I even want that?

Which leads to the question that matters most. What is it that I want?

I didn't know.

Roxanna opened the door and peeked her head in.

"Will you come with us?" she asked, hand still on the door handle.

Even though I didn't know if this Black Order existed. Even though I truly didn't desire what they offered. Even though I didn't want to know of the war in which she spoke of. Even though the idea of the Order scared me. I answered with a leap of faith.

"I'll go with you, with one condition."

"The condition?" she echoed.

"Joseph comes with me. He comes with me and he is not injured."

"Sara…" Joseph said.

"Give me that and I'll go with you."

Why? I don't know.

There was a pause and obvious conflict on her face. She stared at the blind Joseph and mulled the offer over in her head. I wondered what made her hesitate, what made her not want to take him where she was so willingly taking me.

"Alright." She sighed shaking her head, "but only because we're going straight to the Order from here and not through a gate."

"Huh?"

She waved my confusion off. "Child," she said to Joseph, "If you are coming are you willing to begin traveling in the hour? I understand that you just woke up and you may still be in pain but time is essential."

He stared in her general direction, "um… I don't have my glasses. Walking may be an issue."

"We have a carriage waiting outside."

"Then I'll be alright." He said. She nodded and turned to me.

She bowed her head slightly and spoke, "Thank you Ms. Sara. I am glad that this was settled civilly." Then she lifted her head and departed out the door leaving her words, "Meet in front of the hospital in ten minutes so we may depart."

I sat once again in the room with Joseph and a thin awkward silence.

"So I guess I'm coming with you?" Joseph suppressed a grin from his bed.

"Shut up." My face turn bright red and I stood.

"Ah well, I wanted to go anyway so I guess no harm done." He laughed and swung his feet over the bed and stood wavering a bit. He put out his hands and waved them around searching for something solid. I watched him wobble around for a while and then spoke up.

"Do you need help?" I asked as he tripped over my bag and tumbled to the floor. He glared at the direction he thought I was which was several feet to my right. I giggled and reached down pulling him up.

"Just stay there a second." I said letting go of his arm and picking up my backpack and tucking my journal inside of it. I'd need to put a new entry in it soon. I threw it over my shoulders and collected Joseph's backpack and handed it to him. He flung it over his shoulder and closed his eyes waiting. I gripped his hand and lead him from the room.

I weaved our way through the hospital's hallways and before one of the nurses could approach us, we walked confidently through the front door. This was about the time I realized I was still in the patient's dress uniform and in the biting cold of early winter, the wind ate right through the fabric.

"R-Roxanna!" I yelped, my teeth chattering. We stood in front of a large carriage that had a two person bench in front to drive the giant white stallion stationed in position. Roxanna's head peeked out from the carriage holding a pile of blankets.

"I don't have clothes for you." She said tossing the blankets at me. I wrapped two of them around myself to warm my body and gave the other one to Joseph, seeing that his flimsy shirt wasn't helping much in the cold. Emmet appeared from around the carriage and he glanced at me, sizing me up. He smiled and then hopped up onto the bench and took hold of the rains. Roxanna gestured for us to climb into the body of the carriage and we complied. The interior was much warmer, but I kept the blankets wrapped tightly around myself.

"So where are we going?" I asked into the blankets. She looked at me and sighed pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. She scribbled on it for a moment and showed us the paper.

_Just outside of London_

"We're going to-." I began and she glared at me to be silent. I took her paper and reached for her pen and wrote my response.

We're going to London?

She looked at the paper and smiled. "We are in London presently." She took the paper back and pulled out a book of matches. "You were transported from the town you were attacked in to here for better medical treatment." She took a lit match and burnt the paper and I watched the ashes fall to the floor.

I shifted to the window and poked my head out, and looked around. We were slowly making our way away from the hospital that held a cross perched high on its roof and I wondered if it actually double as a church. The streets were crowded and dirty and I now assumed all of England must have been like this. Scattered around on the claustrophobic street embellished in Victorian buildings and stores, people wondered to various places wrapped in thick clothing in an attempt to dispel the cold.

The air was thick with smoke from lit chimneys and the smog drifted around the streets. The city was grubby, filthy and utterly grimy. It was strangely appealing. I smiled and a loud noise averted my attention from the street. I turned my head to the sky and watched as a small shadow drifting towards me. I grinned.

"You're such a clever bird." I held out my arm and Ty landed, making a collection of soft bird noises. I pulled him inside the carriage and Roxanna didn't even blink at the bird's presence.

"How did he find you?" Joseph mused looking at the bird but smartly keeping his distance, "We last saw him before we went to eat lunch. We're not even in the same town anymore."

I shrugged and smoothed his violet black feather. I missed him in all of this confusion. It's nice to see a familiar being.

"I don't know how I ever thought I'd find something in this town. It's so big, it would take me a lifetime."

"…you seem okay with leaving but, aren't you regretful that you aren't going to be able to search for the thing you lost?" I flinched at the way he phrased it, remembering he had read my journal and my words.

I thought about his question, "Actually, I'm really not." I scratched Ty's head. "I don't know why London made me want to come here but now that I'm here, I don't see the relevance. But it's nice here, like a settling sensation within me, but it's not where I need to be." I murmured and saw Joseph raise his eyes curiously at me and I finished shyly, "Or something like that."

"Well, I don't know about London, but I'm curious to what Ms. Roxanna and Emmet have to share with us." Joseph said towards me but the statement was meant for Roxanna. She simply rubbed her shoulders and closed her eyes. Joseph sighed and pressed his palms into his eyes.

"Where are we going to find replacements for my glasses?" He asked, to either me or Roxanna. I couldn't tell.

"I'm sure the Order will be able to help you with that." Roxanna said.

"What exactly is this Order?" I asked and then cut in before she could answer, "Yeah yeah, I know. An excellent question for the scientists." Roxanna smiled at me and pulled a large book of papers from a shoulder bag.

"What's that?" wondered out loud. Apparently this was a safe question to answer, "My record book. I must record and enter in all events in which they take place. Progress. People. Events. They all must be recorded."

"Sounds mind-numbing." I said and Ty chirped an agreement. She laughed writing notes down in her book.

"Quite."

"So you're allowed to write down everything in that book but you can't even write down where we're going on a scrap of paper unless you burn it?"

"It's better to keep all your secrets in one place." She murmured, scratching the paper with her pen.

I watched her for a minute and then turned to Joseph. He was staring out into space, his eyes empty. His body was slack and falling into itself, shoulders pulling towards his chest. I slipped my hand out of my blankets and reached for his hand. When he felt my finger slip into his, his head perked up a bit in surprise but he didn't pull away. He tilted his head toward me and mouthed, "Scared?"

I didn't answer, just gave his hand a slight squeeze. I was scared, I won't deny it. But the look of Joseph's eyes made him look completely lost in the world. I'd want somebody to remind me that I was still there. That we were still there.

I squeezed his hand harder.


	8. Answers

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 8

"So, what's going to happen to me when we get to the Order?" I asked, my cheeks crushed into the window's sill. I watched Ty bob through the air merrily by us and I breathed with the air curling across my head. I had asked the question, but no response from Roxanna came. She had long since given up telling me she wasn't going to answer my questions.

"What happens to Accommodators?" I was only asking now to fill up space. With so many questions bursting within me and Joseph, and no answers coming from Roxanna, little conversation was had. I didn't like silence.

"How long will we be visiting the Order?" I murmured. To this I was surprised to find that Roxanna answered me.

"It's not going to be just a visit. Not when you're an Accommodator." I asked her about this but she simply fell back into her silence. I sighed irritable and voiced my list of questions again. Roxanna wrote in her book and didn't look up to meet my eyes as I talked but I knew she was listening. Always waiting and watching.

Her words put me into a panic, one that I hid with an indifferent expression. If we weren't going to the Order as guests, were we going as prisoners? The way Roxanna talked about them, the way she made them sound all powerful and cold. What did these people intend to do with me?

I questioned my sanity as a sat hand in hand with the boy who I barely knew. What was I doing willing following strangers into the great unknown place they called the Black Order? The closer we got to our destination, discomfort steadily grew in my chest. Wasn't it natural to run from your fears? Why was I reaching out to meet it?

I shook my head incredulously, as took to staring at Ty again and running back through my list of questions. We hadn't been sitting in the carriage for very long, but I was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

"How long, do you suppose, this trip will take?" I asked nestling into my blankets.

"We should be almost there." Roxanna looked up and called to Emmet, "How long?"

"30 seconds unless a freak bolt of lightning comes and strikes us." Emmet called back.

"Really?" I said sitting up in my seat and craning my neck out the window and toward the front of the wagon. "…woah." I murmured.

The building was astonishing. Taller than most of the buildings I had seen it London, It towered over an orchid of dark trees that concealed it from the rest of the world. The front was built as a long solid block lying relatively close to the ground but holding no doubt countless rooms, by the look of the obsessive masses of windows. Farther down two towers raised up making the impression of a 'u'. Even farther away from that held a collection of more towers and rooms. So many that I couldn't conceivably find a use for them all. On top of each tower, statues of man and angels alike held themselves daintily and proudly on their perches. Large spikes reached towards the sky to add to the modern day Victorian style. Bleached stone walls stood tall and leered across the horizon. Shadows from the columns and walls jumped across the building making the bright day seem darker than it should be. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

"It's so big."

"Let me see." Joseph said standing over me. I pulled myself in so he could lean over and see for himself. A long whistle issues from him and he pulled himself in and sat back into his seat. "Impressive."

"We've recently relocated the Order to this new location." Roxanna said folding her book and things it her shoulder bag. She stood and opened the door, gesturing us to follow. Emmet pulled up to the entrance and Roxanna stepped out allowing us to come.

The entrance was grand, as I had come to except at this point. It reminded me of some of the more majestic churches, the ones who could afford delicate window and stained glass. Around the luxurious archway that helped the entrance was surrounded with detailed English architecture and design. We stood in a well maintained courtyard though there didn't seem to be anyone currently working on trimming the trees or the millions of planted rose bushes flourishing around us. Emmet and the carriage pulled away from us and traveled down the strip of road and behind the edge of the building. Emmet and I stood in awe at the brilliant structure. Roxanna cleared her throat and we looked at her.

"Welcome." She smiled at us, "to the Black Order." She turned and walked toward the doors. A small black creature approached us and I first mistook it for Ty, but quickly resized it was far from my birdie friend. The object looked like a croaked black bat that hovered in front of Roxanna. She took it in her hand and held It close to her mouth as she murmured to it.

We watched as she whispered into the bat and after a few minutes she turned to us. "I need both of you to hold still. I need to scan you to make sure you aren't Akuma or Noah."

"Noah? Like the ark guy?" I asked as Roxanna lifted the bat towards us. She didn't answer, just held the winged orb in front of her and pressed a button on its side. A laser shot out of it and I flinched. The laser spread of like a fan and ran up and down our bodies. The bat thing clicked and made a series of beeps and flew off.

"I have authorization to bring you in now." She said wistfully watching the bat fly away. She waved her hand for us to come and she led the way to the door. A man stood in front garnished in a black cloak hold out a black coated arm and a bare palm. Roxanna approached him and held his hand while tracing something on his palm with her finger. "Access code for Sara and Joseph XCDD3T authorization accepted detail listed 555674." She said finishing her tracing. The man nodded and moved away signaling to someone to open the doors.

The door lurched forward and swung out opening to a beautifully embellished entry room. It was wide and open like a ballroom and it held a mural on the surrounding walls. The mural was strange, one depicting many people baying to a cube with sentences it some strange language flowing from it. Glowing green rings surrounding bibles and crosses. An angel holding a hand towards me. Smiling.

"It's beautiful." I said looking at the angel. Joseph stood by me a smiled at the angel girl too.

"Yes." He agreed.

Around us stood many different types of men and women of a variety of looks and sizes. Some were dreseds in the black cloaks while other dressed in the tan overcoat Roxanna and Emmet had been wearing but most of them were dressed in normal street clothes. A man dressed in a suit looked me and Joseph over and patted us down for weapons. These people obviously didn't trust strangers by the way the stared and sized us up.

"Now," Roxanna said, "Sara, you will need to come with me while my associates accompany Joseph."

"I'm not going-"

"I will keep my promise. Joseph will not be hurt." Roxanna said and I meet her eyes skeptically.

I felt a hand on my back and I was pushed forward gently , "Go on Sara. I'll be alright. I can handle myself."

I doubted it. He couldn't find his way out of a cardboard box in his present state of sight let alone defend himself. Still he smiled confidently and Roxanna pulled on my blanket to usher me forward. He turned away from me and followed the uniformed men.

"I can trust you?" I turned to Roxanna, my panic showing now. She blinked and nodded. "Alright then…" and I followed at her heels as she led me away.

We entered many different hallways, each were darker than one would expect holding many different doors that Roxanna briefly told me about.

"These are some of the individual rooms of the members of the Order." Or sometimes she'd say, "This is a storage area for the biology section of the science division." Or , "Whatever you do don't go in here."

I was lead through several different sections before we finally stopped.

"Lenalee!" Roxanna called. A girl standing at of the end of the hall twirled around slowly. She had shining black hair the caught the light just in the way that it held tints of greens and blues in it. It was cut short, and bouncing in a bob reaching to the bottom of her chin. A black uniform jacket clung to her body showing of all the shapes and curves that complimented her body just so, trimmed in red and embellished in silver accessories and buttons. She had a bright red skirt that hiked up her thigh and showed off her legs. She wore red high heels and wrapped around her ankles were thick dark red rings.

She looked at us and smiled brightly, eyes shinning beautifully. She walked gracefully towards us and I couldn't help but look at her figure. I looked at her chest and then to mine. I sighed and watched the girl.

"Is this the new Exorcist Roxanna?" The girl named Lenalee asked.

"Yes."

"Exorcist?" I should have guessed with all that angel stuff.

"Sara, this is Lenalee. She's an Accommodator as well. She will lead you to Komui and the scientists from here where your Innocence will be evaluated."

"Are these people actually going to answer my questions?" I asked irritated.

"They will." She smiled and nodded to Lenalee. She left me standing there and I was forced to face the girl beside me.

"Well, as you probably already know. I'm Sara."

"Lenalee Lee." She responded and held a dainty hand out to me. I blinked and took her hand and we shook. "Come." She said and waved me forward, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions so feel free to ask me anything."

Where to start?

"What does the Order want with me?"

"Well, since you have Innocence, the Order wants to train you to learn how to use your powers to defeat Akuma."

"Powers?"

"Yes," she said and gave me a sideways glance, "There must have been a time were something has happened to you. Something you couldn't explain with logic."

"Many times really. You know those Akuma things?" I asked and she nodded encouragingly. "When I touched them they dissolve. Well, sometimes." I said thinking back to the Lion.

She looked thoughtful, "Did you touch them with your bare hand?" when I nodded she continued, "Sounds like you have Innocence inside you. You must be a parasitic type."

"That sounds painful."

Her eyes were sad for a moment but then she quickly brushed it away with a smile, "Parasitic just means that the Innocence resides within the Accommodator's own body. Innocence takes on many different forms depending on the Accommodator and synchronization rate."

"What kinds of forms?"

"Well, my friend Lavi has an equipment type Innocence. It takes the form of a weapon that the Accommodator can wield. In his case it's a hammer that can change sizes and send up pretty impressive magic seals."

An image of a mechanic flitted through my head. "Are Parasitic and Equipment the only ones?" I asked.

"Well, those are the two basic categories but there are many different types and forms. The possibilities are endless."

"What's yours?"

"I'm sort of a special case. I have a crystal type Innocence which is sort of a mix of the two." She stopped and pointed to her feet. I looked at the rings around her ankles and watched as they sprung out suddenly and incased Lenalee legs. Now she had large armor like boots that wrapped around her knees and held metallic plate over her thighs. The deep red color stood in contrast with the bright blood red feather like wings the fluttered at the heels. In the front, on the ridge on her foot, a glowing cross winked at me.

"How did you do that?" I gasped, stunned.

"I'm the Innocence's Accommodator so I have control over it. Since mine is Crystal type it reacts with my thoughts and feelings." She said smiling. I crouched down cautiously and held my hand out to her boots and paused.

"Can I touch them?" I asked. She blinked, a bit taken back and nodded. I pressed my fingers against the boots. They were smooth and warm, but hard at stone. I held my hand there for a moment and waited. After a few seconds I felt a faint beat. Like a heart beat rushing blood through the body, I felt a similar flow of power running through the boots. I took my hand away and stood.

"What's it made of?" I asked, rubbing my hand.

"Blood."

"…what?"

"Crystal type Innocence is made from the accommodator's blood." She said and then laughed as my eyes grew wide. "Don't worry." She added, "If you're parasitic type you won't have to worry about your blood becoming your Innocence." She returned her boots back to anklets, "It's only Equipment type who can do that."

"I'm confused…" I murmured, "What exactly is Innocence? How can it be both hammers and blood and boots?" she smiled.

"The scientists will explain the origin of Innocence if you're interested." She said leading me forward once again, "but I can explain what Innocence is itself."

"Innocence is a substance that's been around since the days of darkness. We don't really fully understand Innocence because has so many different properties that change spontaneously. You see, Innocence isn't really an object that has one specific form. When it's in its purest form it tends to look like a cube with glowing rings around it." She drew it in the air with her finger. "But mostly we find it attached to something else of in some form that reflects its desires."

"Desires? So it's like… alive?" she paused and pursed her lips.

"No… well…it's hard to explain. Innocence isn't alive but it has a consciousness."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Like I said we don't fully understand Innocence." She smiled. "Anyway, Innocence can reside inside objects but they also can take various forms depend on the situation. Once I went on a mission to retrieve an Innocence that had been inside a clock. The town it was in was trapped inside a bubble of time that made the same day replay over and over again."

I blinked, "Innocence can do something like that?"

"Yea, Innocence can do all types of things. My Innocence gives me the ability to travel faster than the speed of sound and jump to great heights."

"I… can't even imagine that." I murmured look down at her anklets.

She smiled and continued, " It used to be inside my dark boots but when it changed into a crystal type it entered my blood and now my boots are directly connected with me."

"Then, what powers does my Innocence have then?" I asked.

She seemed thoughtful, "I don't know. Do you have any special talents or abilities?" I thought about this and came up with nothing. Sadly I was incredibly bland.

"I can heal." I decided to say, "Whenever I have an injury, no matter how bad, I normally am completely healed within the next day."

"Really?" she asked looking me up and down. "I wonder if it's your skin that's the Innocence, if Akuma dissolve when you touch them and your body regenerates." She stopped walking and opened a door to our left. "Anyway, you're going to find out soon. This leads to the first section of the science division and my brother Komui will meet with you here. I'd come with you but…" she smiled apologetically, "I have some work to do." She bowed and wished me luck and then quickly fleeted away.

I watched her go away, but made no attempt to enter the science division. I wondered about Lenalee, she seemed nice, but every time she smiled she looked almost like she was going to break. Despite that small distress, it was nice talking with her. She seemed to genuinely care about explaining things to me and she didn't give of the aura of condescendence that people have when they clarify things. She didn't make me feel stupid. She made it feel like she was holding her arms wide open, inviting me to trust her.

I shook my head lightly and entered the science division.

The division was gigantic, and the room I stood in, which I could only assume to be the main room, was filled with a massive team of people rushing around towers of books and papers. I watch workers huddled over their desk writing furiously on forms, and uniformed people it long white medical coats lugging around pile of papers to various places. A tired looking man with bright blond hair was balancing books in his arms and I called out to him.

"Um…do you need help?" I asked as he wavered back and forth.

"Help would be much obliged, thank you." He said and crouched so I could take some of his load away.

"Where do these go?" I asked heaving under the books.

"On Johnny's desk." He replied waddling across the room and I followed him. We made it to a frizzy haired man's desk and he dumped the load on the table top. The man didn't even flinch from his work, he just continued writing and gripping a coffee cup in his other hand. The blond took my load of books and added it to the other stack. He sighed and turned to me.

"Thanks again, my name is Apollo."

"The Greek god?" he laughed merrily and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I wish. I'm no god, just a scientist. It's nice to meet you…"

"Sara." I told him my name, "Would you happen to know where Komui is?"

He nodded, and pointed to a door at the other side of the room, "The chief will be through those doors, no doubt being hassled by Fey."

"Fey?'"

"Brigitte Fey. Chief's assistant."

"Oh… Thank you." I nodded at the man and quickly left, making my way through the cluttered room to the doors.

I stood staring at the doors for a moment before deciding to knock. My knuckles hit the door and they swung open almost instantly. A woman stood in front of me, short slightly curled hair and strict eyes. Her white uniform jacket was form fitting and clung to her body. It had a big pop up collar the double as a necklace holding some sort of pendent. We stood at the same high but I felt an intimidating presence from her and I cautiously took a step back.

"Do you need something?" she asked.

"Is Komui here?" I responded, not really knowing what I was doing.

"He is. Is there something you need?"

"Uh…"

"Fey let the poor thing in, I've been doing my work and I have time to see a visitor." A voice called from within the room. The women, Fey, glared at me and then stepped away from the door and went into the corner of the room to organize papers. I stepped into the room hesitantly and looked around. The room was spotless but I assumed that was from the influence of Fey because the desk of the man inside was so cluttered I was surprised to consider any actually work got done on it. The walls around the room were a complex of many drawers and shelves and behind the grand oak desk was a large map of the world full of pins and notes. The man himself was dressed in a jacket similar to Fey's only his was full body reach down to his knees.

Despite what the desk might tell about him, he looked like a neat man. Posture straight and hair neat, he held himself professionally enough. His dark hair caught the light much like his sister's, Lenalee, but his had a purplish hue to it. Thin rectangular glasses rested on his face. I would have thought him to be a strict uptight workaholic if it wasn't for the hat.

I failed to see where the beret was part of his uniform. It sat happily on the top of his long black hair and it said so much about the man. I smiled at him.

"Are you Komui?" I asked.

"Indeed I am." He smiled back at me, "And who do I have the pleasure of meeting today."

"My name is Sara." He seemed confused for a moment but then his eyes brighten and a wide grin spread across his face. He stood.

"The new Exorcist! Roxanna called in about you. Welcome. Welcome!" he sang rounding his desk and held an arm out, "I am Komui Lee, head officer of the science department and my excessively scowling assistant is Brigitte Fey." Fey scoffed but didn't say anything. Komui stepped forward and took my hand shaking it. "Welcome to the Black Order." He said.

"T-thanks." I said, my face going slightly red.

"I'm sure you have a million questions for me but first we must head off to Hevlaska."

"Hevlaska?"

"Yes follow me." He turned briefly to Fey, "I'm going to report to my duties to the Exorcists so there isn't any need for you to come with me."

"There and back sir. No slacking off. We still need to finish the Oaklance reports by tonight." She looked at him in a scolding way, "If you're not back at a reasonable time I'm coming after you."

"Yes, yes." He said and rushed me from the room. Once we got out of the room, he turned and quickly shut the door. A sigh heaved across his body and he turned his head to me. It was then that I saw the dark circle under his eyes.

"She's killing me." He muttered.

"She seems just lovely." I said looking at the door. He laughed lightly and stood up straight and grinned at me.

"Let's go to Hevlaska." He nodded and waved me forward and out of the science department.

"Um…" I began a bit uncomfortable, "Roxanna and Lenalee told me you'd be able to answer my questions."

"And I can. They could probably answer them as well but the new restriction the higher ups have placed on us have put us in a jam when I come to dealing out information." He glanced at me as we walked, "We can't afford information getting into the wrong hands. I'm confident though that you are who you appear to be. A friend and ally."

"O-ok. Then you can tell me exactly what Innocence is right? Where it comes from and how it does what it does."

"It's a pretty long story." He said rubbing his hand together thoughtfully, "Only the Black Order, the New World Alliance and the Millennium Earl know. It all began several hundred years ago after a cube was discovered:

_We are the ones who triumphed over darkness_

_And the ones who shall soon meet their end _

_Yet impending doom awaits in the future_

_Thus, we bring salvation to thee_

_Here, we leave a message…_

"Inside the cube we found a prophecy from an ancient civilization. Instructions on the usage of certain material. The cube itself was made of it. A material known as 'The Crystal of God'. We call it 'Innocence'. Innocence that is used as a weapon is called an 'Anti-Akuma Weapon'.

"The creator of the cube says they defeated the Millennium Earl, who appeared with his demons, using the Innocence. None the less, in the end the world was destroyed. It happened approximately seven thousand years ago. We know it as 'The Great Flood' from the Old Testament. However, the cube chronicles says it as 'The Three Days of Darkness'.

"Also according to the prophecy from the cube, the world will come to an end once more, this time at the hands of the Earl. The return of 'The Three Days of Darkness.' The Earl has indeed returned to the world as stated in the prophecy. Because of this, the New World Alliance decided to obey the message from the cube. To resurrect the Innocence and establish the Black Order.

_Gather the soldiers of Life!_

_Each Innocence will choose a soldier._

_They will be known as The Accommodators!_

_Only an Accommodator will be able to wield the power of the Innocence!_

"The Accommodators of Innocence are also known as Exorcists, such as yourself. But, the Earl has not forgotten the past. He has also created an army to destroy God. They are known as Akuma.

"If Innocence is white the contrast is black. It is the 'Dark Matter' used to create Akuma. The more Akuma evolves, the more the dark matter matures and becomes powerful. The Earl is plotting to destroy the Innocence and thus avoid its resurrection. The Innocence was washed away during the great flood and has been dispersed throughout the world.

"There's a total of one hundred and nine Innocence. We must retrieve the Innocence scattered throughout the world to gather enough strength to destroy the Earl. The Earl is also searching for the Innocence to destroy it. This is a race to find the Innocence. The moment we lose the crusade the prophecy of 'The end will be fulfilled'." He finished and then smiled apologetically. "Sorry, went on a bit of a tangent there. Long day."

"It's alright… um… a few questions." I said staring at him in awe. "Who… is the Millennium Earl?"

"He's the arch enemy of the Order. The creator of Akuma and the Leader of the Noah."

"And the Noah are…"

"The Noah are very mysterious really and we don't know much about them. They are a secretive group that works under the Earl. Very powerful. Very deadly. We've lost a lot of great men to the Noah." He looked away sullenly, his eyes growing foggy. I pursed my lips and changed my question.

"What are the Akuma?"

"Akuma actually means Demon. But what we're talking about isn't a Demon. It's the name of a weapon. An Akuma is made basically of a machine, a soul, and a tragedy." He paused and then looked into my eyes seriously, "Everyone has darkness in their hearts. When faced with a loved one's death that darkness grows and attracts 'The Maker', the Earl. He comes with a machine and tells the poor creature that he can bring who they love back to life. All they must do is call the person name."

"It's a trap Sara, you must remember that. Once the name is called the soul returns to the world but the Earl orders the soul now trapped within the machine to kill whom brought them back to life. Once the person is killed the machine is ordered to take the skin and wear it as its own-" he stopped. "Are you okay?"

"Yea… I-I'm fine." My face paled and I felt sweet pouring down my face. Flashes of the people I had talk to over the past months, the men and women… the children. "No, I'm not alright." I bend down and took a seat on the floor. I curled my knees up to my chest and dropped my head into my arms.

"It's a lot to take in." Komui said sympathetically. "It must have been very hard for you. Not knowing all this when there were Akuma attacking you."

Though that was true, it was not why I was having an episode. Memories of Akuma I had met through these months, the talk of pain and their sorrows. Their talk of loved ones. They were always just machines wearing corpses. I felt like my chest was ripping itself apart, and tears threaten in my eyes.

"Sara." Komui said softly. "Akuma are very sad creatures forced to kill against their will and there is no way to save them other than to destroy the machine and set the soul free." I looked up at him when he said that.

"That sets the soul free?" I asked, hope filling my voice. He smiled softly and nodded. I sniffed and stood. "I've meet Akuma before. I'm glad they were saved." I began walking in the direction we had been going in. I grew silent and all of my question washed away in my mind. Komui walked by me, respectful of my silence and all attempt of conversation resided.

Komui led me to a room with no floor. It was constructed like a large chasm with a long skinny platform running into the middle of the room. The platform was several people wide and built out of solid stone but as it propelled itself over the bottomless pit I doubted it was sturdy. None the less, Komui walked out confidently onto the ridge and so I followed him reluctantly.

The room was dark and eerily cold, but Komui didn't seem effected by the atmosphere. In fact, he seemed quite comfortable.

"Hevlaska." He called once we reached the edge of the platform. I was trying not to think about me being suspended god knows how many feet in the air. Slowly the darkness to the room lightened, changing from a hazy glow to a bright, almost blinding, glare. In front of Komui a giant mass appear and lifted into the air. The creature had a beautiful face from what I could see between its flowing hair and ribbons of light covering its eyes. The creature was covered in these ribbons, her body concealed by a vision of luscious hair.

"An angel." I murmured. They must have painted that mural wrong.

"Mmmh?" Komui gave me a sideways glance. "She's not an angel." He scribbled something onto a clipboard and then looked up to Hevlaska. "This is Sara, our new Exorcist."

Large white ribbons twirled through the air, directing tentacles towards me. I stumbled back and fell against the stone ground.

"Komui!" I squeaked trying to pull myself away from the appendages.

"_Show me your innocence."_

"I'm good thanks." I managed to get out as the ribbons caught me and lifted into the air.


	9. Acceptance

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 9

What was worse than getting picked up by the giant white monster and being held only by ribbons of light over a bottomless pit? The fact that the man that I was supposed to be putting my trust in was beaming at me as it was going about.

Lovely.

"KOMUI!" I screamed and my voice echoed through the room.

"So what do you think Hevlaska?"

Hevlaska's ribbons pull me closer to her face. I felt the ribbons wrap around my body, seeping through my clothes and touching my flesh. They trailed across my body like fingers and an uncomfortable heat followed them. They pushed into me, the fingers reaching inside of me, a presence making me fully aware of each crevice and vein of my body. Deeper and deeper the fingers searched within me, despite my struggling and attempts to cover myself from the fingers. I felt myself incased in her light, aware of everything from the blood rushing from my heart to the tips of my eyelashes.

It felt like a million tons of adrenaline was coursing through my body, which was both exhilarating and agonizing.

"Stop." I demanded weakly.

"Hevlaska?" Komui's voice seemed confused. "Is something wrong?"

_"I cannot find it…" _The presence within me intensified tenfold.

"Cannot find it? You mean she doesn't have innocence?"

"_She has Innocence, but I cannot locate it on her person."_

"How is that possible?" Komui asked incredulously.

"_I cannot touch her innocence for it resides in a reign I cannot enter."_ I saw black spots swimming in my vision, and I guessed I was about to black out from the intensity of her presence.

"Interesting. What do you suppose that means?"

_"It is her essence that is connected with her Innocence. Never has this happened before…"_

"Her essence?" Komui seemed genuinely confused.

_"Nameless Child who calls herself Sara,"_ Hevlaska spoke to me directly, her presence residing. _"You who has lost herself, you will prove to be the missing link between the light and dark." _

I drifted through the air and I felt my feet touch the solid ground of the stone platform. The ribbons left me and I quickly wrapped my arms around myself, feeling violated.

"Always cryptic, I wonder what it means." Komui mused and I turned to glare at him. "Hevlaska's prophecies are nearly always right."

"That is not the problem here." I snapped at him.

He held up his hands in defense, "All exorcists must be checked by Hevlaska. She can read and understand Innocence through touch, had your innocence been normal, she could have told you about your bond with it."

"Oh… you could have explained that before."

He smiled like he enjoyed watching me freak out and waved the thought away, "Anyway, it seems you have a very strange innocence indeed."

"Sorry?"

"Oh no, don't be. It'll just be a bit more difficult to understand your innocence. We'll know more tomorrow when we perform your physical but for now I need your general information so I can add you into the Exorcist files."

I cringed at the thought of a physical, but quickly chased it from my mind. Not only did this prove that I did in fact have innocence but apparently my mysterious cube thing was being difficult. What did Hevlaska mean by it being connected to my essence? I asked Komui this and he just shrugged half heartedly.

"It's hard to tell anything right now, we normally get our bearings of an Exorcist's innocence through Hevlaska's examination, but it seems that that's not going to possible this time. Innocence is mysterious and it's quite possible that your innocence exists in a separate realm of existence. In other words, a different time, dimension, or something of the like."

"A different dimension… you've lost me."

He smiled and moved towards the exit of the room, "It's alright, we'll know more later."

I followed him from the room and joined in his quick echoing farewell to Hevlaska. She smiled and murmured my name and sank back into the hole. The room dropped several degrees and I was pulling my blankets tighter around me before we even got across the floor.

"Can you tell me about what you know about your Innocence? Roxanna reported that you were uninformed about it but could you tell me of any experiences that you've had that have been abnormal?" Komui asked leading back through the halls.

"Um well…" I recounted what I told Lenalee, "I heal. When I get hurt, or injured my skin heals itself."

He didn't seem all that surprised, more interested than anything, "How did it heal?"

"I'm not sure." I looked at my hands, "but when it happens, depending on the injury, the healing is different. If I were to cut myself now, like a small nick on my finger, little lights sprout on the skin around the wound and sort of sew it up. And when I've fought Akuma, little stars form on my skin, but they disappear as I heal."

"Not unusual." Komui said scratching things onto his clipboard, "Parasitic type Innocence in known to purify the body of its Accommodator. Basically the Innocence inside of you is rejecting the dark matter in your body."

"In my body?" that didn't sound healthy.

"Indeed. Along with brute force and a variety of weapons, Akuma fight with a unique virus. It injects dark matter into the bloodstream and it can kill you within seconds."

"So, can all exorcists do that?"

A dark look washed across his face, "No, most die." This Exorcist job seemed to get worse and worse.

"So that explains the stars… but what about the healing?" I asked trying to lighten a sullen look on his face with a change of subject. His face returned to a thoughtful one and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well that's where I'm stumped. Healing flesh would normally lead me to believe that your Innocence resides inside your skin or something of the like but Hevlaska wasn't able to locate it. If you are parasitic, Hevlaska should have found it right on your body, but she found only a presence, a shadow of your Innocence so to speak."

"And you don't know what that means."

"Absolutely no clue." He smiled and led back into the first section of the science division and into his office. "None the less with time we will come to learn of it." He greeted Fey halfheartedly and lead me to the coach facing his desk. He returned to his own seat and looked to me, "Now, before tomorrow's tests I'd like to get some of your general information into our files."

"Um… okay." I stammered weakly, the day seemed to be slipping away so fast I didn't have much time to protest. It seemed that everything had already been decided, and that I would become an Exorcist. " Actually Komui, you seem like a nice guy, and all the people I've met here so far have been wonderful give or take a few. But I don't want to be an Exorcist. Could you just that the Innocence from me and leave it at that. I don't want it."

"Sara," he looked at me seriously, "If it were all that simple I'd let you get up and leave now. Actually, I'd encourage it. I wouldn't wish the life of an Exorcist onto anyone, but the Black Order cannot afford to lose any Exorcists. We cannot lose you. This war that has been taking place is ruining the world and destroying lives. We cannot lose, and to the Order, that means that we must have all the resources available to us." He rubbed his forehead solemnly. "Believe me. I don't want to force you. But the Central Agency will, without a doubt, try. I can't protect you from them.

I curled my legs up to my chest on the coach and tightened the blankets around me, not caring about the childish way I must look. These were threats. Embellished with pretty words he said "You will be an Exorcist, or they big guys are going to make you." I felt myself getting red, angry about getting backed into a corner with smiles and kind words.

But I couldn't be angry with Komui himself. I could see the truth in his eyes. He didn't want to make me do this, said the wrinkles on his forehead. I understand more then you think, said the evasion in his gaze. Maybe he did know, his own sister may have been in the same situation as I. I grimaced distastefully.

"Do I not have any choice?" I murmured. He didn't answer, but I already knew.

"Komui." I said, a strange power growing in my words. A terrible false confidence I used against both Roxanna and Joseph in the beginning. I would have stopped myself then but I needed to hear myself say what was bothering me. "Komui." I repeated louder. "I've traveled across many countries in my journey to find something. I didn't know what I was looking for, and I didn't know where to find it, but here I am. Here I am after I reached London, the destination I've convinced myself I had. In the presence of Roxanna, I was told nothing. Yet I let her take me here. Once I arrived I was taken by your sister and she lied to me. She lied through her false smiles. You've taken me and told me that the world rests in the hands on these elite few individuals and that I'm part of this. You've told me the horrible fate of all the souls I've come to know in this past year. You've told me of war and death. You've told me about an Exorcist's duty and their destinies. You've told me all this and you have the_ gall_ to tell me that I have no choice but to except this all and comply to you and your Order!"

"Please." He said, not breaking eye contact with me.

"Damn." I choked out, losing my false confidence and shrinking into the couch. "Damn it! Why not? Why the hell not?" I was speaking into myself in harsh whispers, the words meant for me but I couldn't help voicing them, "It's not like you were worth anything before. Worthless, lying to yourself about searching for something. Ha! Liar! You were just looking for a bloody excuse. So why not? Give yourself a purpose for once. Stop wallowing in your own pathetic self pity. So stupid."

"Sara…?" Komui leaned forward and I tucked my head closer into my body.

"Nothing." I sputtered loud enough so he could hear me.

"…you sound confused. You're welcome to share your thoughts with me, if you'd like." He crouched and offered. I started shaking my head but his eyes caught mine and I rethought it.

"What would you do Komui? Theoretically you wake up one day and you can't remember anything and you learn all this for the first time. What would you do in my position?"

He took my question seriously, "Is this a scenario where I don't have a sister? If so, I'm not sure. I think I'd be sincerely upset, maybe even angry, but I don't know what I'd do." He smiled sadly, "Now, if I did have a sister in this scenario I'd do anything to be able to protect and support here in the world of Exorcists."

"You must really love your sister." I murmured into my blankets.

"Yes." He said a glint in his eye. I could see he wanted to elaborate but held himself back for the sake of the mood and conversation.

"…fine."

"Hmm?"

"I'll become an Exorcist. As it turns out, I don't have much else to live for."

"I'm sure that's not true." Komui said, worry in his voice.

"You'd be wrong… just... just read off your questions on your form." Komui looked at me for a long moment, like he wanted to say something but casted the thought away and moved to the form.

After a few breaths, "What's your full name?"

Great first question and I'm stumped, "Not really sure. Sara isn't even my real name."

"You're not sure what you name is?" he asked looking up at me.

"No, I lost all my memories in an accident that occurred a year ago." He looked at me for a second and decided not to ask about it.

"Would you like to go by Sara?" he asked and I nodded.

"What is your age?"

"…15?" I guessed. I looked fifteen but it's normally hard to tell. Komui looked at me, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth.

"Alright… gender?"

"Female! Ha! I got one. One out of three isn't bad." I mused.

"Nationality?"

"Most likely French. I know French, English, and German but the place I lost my memory in was France.

"We'll get your height and weight tomorrow," he murmured running through his list, "Most of this is information about your Innocence and your skill sets which we won't know until tomorrow too but could you tell me some of your interests?"

"Interests?"

"Yes. Tell me about things you like, thing you don't like, personal interests, or any talents."

"Um… alright. I like…food." I decided on and smiled at the idea. "I love food."

Komui laughed halfheartedly, "I should have guessed, you being parasitic type."

I thought for a moment, "I don't like…trains."

"Trains?"

"You can never trust trains." I glared at the wall thinking about my untimely trip to China.

"Alright, interests?"

I pursed my lips at this, "does eating count?"

"Since it's already been an answer, I'd say no."

"Then I guess I like meeting nice people. I might have been into creative things before I lost my memory, but I've never had the reason to try anything recreational."

"Known relatives?"

"…no."

"Ah! I didn't mean too…" Komui said flustered.

"It's alright." Actually, I had never had a problem with not knowing who my family was. It never seemed to be important. "They're probably French if that's helpful."

He gave a weary smile and looked at his form, "Sara. Maybe 15. Female. Probably French. Speaks English, French, and German. Likes food. Dislikes trains. Likes to meet nice people… You've got one unique file so far."

I snorted and stood from the couch, "Now that we got this nice Q&A session over and done with, I'd like to know where you've taken my friend Joseph."

"Yes, Roxanna phoned in about that as well. He was taken to one of the conference rooms in the fourth wing. Roxanna and other finders will be discussing some things with him. You're welcome to join them, we're done for now."

"Okay." I mumbled, deflated. "Where is the fourth wing?"

"Oh yes," Komui said and poked his head out of his office, "Apollo! Lead Ms. Sara to the conference room 2B in the fourth wing."

"Yes Sir!" Apollo called back, foot step leading closer to the door. I shuffled around Komui and tried departing with another word but Komui called behind me.

"Sara. I'm sorry."

"Thanks Komui. I wish that meant anything." I meet his eyes and he looked sincerely hurt and I almost regretted saying it. Apollo led me from the science division without asking what my comment was about. I trailed through the halls of the Order once again. People drifted around us without a second thought, only concerned with their business. I wondered if strange dirty girls wrapped in blankets wandering this Order were not uncommon.

Apollo stopped in front of a door and I told him that I could take it from here and he could return to his work. He nodded and thanked me and dashed back to the science division. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Joseph was seated at a large table with many chairs surrounding it. He had changed his clothes, having discarded the old tattered stained once and replaced them with a light blue v-neck and white cargo pants. His face and hair were clean and fresh, suggesting he had a shower. It might have been a refreshing sight if he didn't have the festering red fleshy burns scarring the side of his face.

He looked up with new glasses perched on his nose. His eyes widened and he stood and briskly walked across the room.

"Hey, Joseph-" I began but was cut off by a massive hug. Apparently he had forgotten that he promised not to touch me anymore or at least disregarded it. Normally I would have instantly pushed away or snapped at him to stop but for one reason or another I didn't. His arms wrapped around me and I relaxed onto his chest. I was losing my nerve.

"Why are you hugging me?" I asked unmoving into his shirt.

"You look like you needed one. Did you?" he said softly. I nodded and didn't look up, "Thought so."

"What happened out there?" he continued.

"I got a job."

"That's funny. Me too."


	10. Elizabeth

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 10

Joseph being the touchy feely person that he was didn't find anything wrong with standing there and hugging me, but I soon felt heat rising in my face and I stepped away. He let his arms fall to his sides and motioned me towards the table.

"The Finders left you clothes, I can step out for a moment and you can change." He said spinning around me and out the door. I watched as he closed the door and I creeped towards the table wearily. I take the cloths resting on the table in my hands and run it across my fingers. It's a white cotton shirt, basic and form fitting by the look of it, and softer then cotton normally is. I let the blankets fall to my feet and untie the inane hospital dress from around my neck. Naked, I stand there and absentmindedly dressing while thinking about what I was going to tell Joseph. After a moment I decided to just tell him everything, a small act of petty defiance to the over secretive Order.

Once dressed in the white shirt and some type of thermal pants, I open the door to allow Joseph back in.

"So what job did they talk you into getting." I asked taking a seat by his at the conference table.

"I actually talked them into giving it to me. At first they were very insistent on keeping me ignorant on everything that was going on and they have a very heated discussion about how I was to be dealt with. Emmet, believe it or not, was the one that convinced them they couldn't just kick me out of the Order right then and there. Once he managed that I stepped in and asked if I could work here. I thought I'd be able to both learn more about all of this and I could meet back up with you later."

"How did you know I wasn't just going to come back and leave?" I wonder out loud.

"They made it very clear that wasn't exactly a option for you." He said darkly, a frightening expression pealing on his face. But as fast as it appeared, it was gone and his face relaxed, "Anyway, I discussed it with Emmet for awhile and landed a job as a Finder."

"You're going to be a Finder? Like Roxanna and Emmet?"

"Essentially." He confirmed.

"Oh." I murmured and wondered what I thought about that. "What do Finders do other then stalk Accommodators?"

"All sorts of dog work for the Order. Search, protect, and find Innocence." He shrugged, "Which might be easier if I knew what Innocence was."

I keep silent for a moment, not sure if I wanted to start explaining things now. Joseph opened his mouth again, "They told me I'd be told everything once I was officially made a Finder. I didn't have time to drive the information out of them because they all sort of dispersed and went to their different jobs leaving me here to wait for you." He turned to me and raised his eyes. "Which leaves your story which I'm certain is just a wealth of information."

"Hardly. I don't think I understood half of what they told me." I pressed my palm into my forehead. "You'd have been a better choice to go and hear it all." We sat there for a good hour as I recounted all the events that had transpired since we split up. I told him of the tour I had of the Order, Lenalee, the Science Division, Apollo, Fey, Komui, the Order, Innocence, Noah, the Millennium Earl, and Hevlaska. I hesitated before I started to explain my Innocence because something in my chest tried to hold me back. The feeling that if I said it out loud, I was accepting it.

"Once we made it back to Komui's office, it was pretty much explained to me that I didn't have any say in the matter. I sort of just gave in and told him I'd be a Exorcist." And I hear my voice quiver at the last word and I cough to dispel it. Sadly, Joseph is too good at picking up subtle thing like that.

"I can see why you needed the hug." He said, sympathy leaking out from his mouth. For some reason, it irritates me and I turn to glare at him.

"I was just fine thank you." He holds up his hand in surrender and I sigh and apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean…"

"It's alright." His face turns thoughtful as he studies the tabletop, "So this Earl guy wants to destroy the world using his soul sucking Akuma?"

"Seems so." I murmur, picking at my nail. Something about the idea makes creases form between his eyes. At first I think it's because it's so horrible, like when I had sit down when Komui told me. "It's terrible…"

"Indeed." He says but his expression doesn't change at all, like he didn't even register my comment.

"What's wrong?" I asked but he just shakes his head.

"Nothing important at the moment. Tell me more about your Innocence."

"I don't know more. I have Innocence but Hevlaska and Komui said it exists in a different dimension or something. It's what makes me heal. That's all." I shift a bit awkwardly, thinking about how the same thing that makes Lenalee's blood come to life is inside me. I shiver in my warm clothes.

"Which reminds me." He said sitting up straighter, "I never got to thank you."

This confused me, "Thank me? What did I do that needs thanks?"

"You," he began, "saved my life."

Oh. "Joseph, I didn't save your life I gave you that scar." I say shrinking into my seat.

"I distinctly remember the lion giving me the scar." Was it just me or did he sound self conscious?

"You would have never even met that forsaken lion had I not ran to it like a careless child." I retorted.

"I chose to follow you. If it's anyone's fault, it's my own."

"But it was me that you followed and you trusted me not to get you hurt."

"You're wrong Sara, it's not your fault." He reasons and I shake my head in disagreement. "How could you have possibly known about the lion?" He asked, thinking he had me on this one.

"It was a Akuma, I should have known he was there." Which was true and Joseph had to think about his next response.

"But you didn't and you couldn't control that. It was just an unfortunate turn of events. I was just unlucky." He says in a final sort of way. Then he takes a breath, "Had you not been there I would have gotten a lot worse than a simple scar, I may have had injuries like yours." His eyes glance at my stomach and then back to my face, "So thank you, for keeping me alive."

I neither denied nor accepted his thanks because I knew I didn't deserve it but I also knew I wasn't going to win that argument.

"A Exorcist and a Finder." I murmur, "Funny, a few days ago my only concern was that my journal was stolen."

We left the conference room when a Finder came to claim use. The Finder didn't say much to either of us but instead quickly rushed us forward and down various halls until we reached a door. The Finder stopped and introduced Joseph to his room. He told Joseph where the cafeteria is and how to get there from where we stood. He then weaved me through more hall ways, so many that at this point I was sure this Order consisted of only hallways, and stopped in front of yet another door. My room.

"The cafeteria is right down this path and to the right. You should get something to eat, tomorrow is your physical."

"What happens at the physical?"

He looks at me for a moment and attempts a smile, "Basic physical tests, not to worry. Nothing painful." Then he rushes away.

Once I open the door an extreme exhaustion dawns on me and I feel all the effects of my near death experience yesterday and the various traumatic things this Order was pilling on top of me. I stumble in and collapse on the white sheet bed and I sink into it. The feeling was bliss and I rolled onto my back to survey the room. Through lazy eyes I see a room deck out with metal furniture, the bed frame a maze of metal bars and the desk against the wall matching the design. Across pure white wall generic pictures hang, most depicting some sort of spiritual symbol like moons and angels. Other than that the room was empty, waiting for its recipient to occupy it. I wondered if I'd ever fill it. I had no possessions and no real desire to decorate.

Across the room the wall held three doors, two being what I could only assume were a bathroom and a closet, but the third was a mystery. Not that my mind was all the caring at that moment. I was mentally having a war with myself to decide whether going to the cafeteria to gorge on food was worth getting out of this masterpiece of a bed. I sigh and buried my face into a fluffy pillow and breath and large deep breath. I closed my eyes and burrowed under the blankets. Maybe this Order wouldn't be all that bad anyway. Free bed. Free food.

I stopped myself there and chiding myself for getting my hopes up. I fell to sleep.

I woke up when the sky view from the window over my bed was pitch black. A clock over the door told me it was three AM. I rubbed my eyes and wondered what woke me up. The answer came in a monstrous noise coming from my stomach. I frowned, knowing a cafeteria would never be open this late at night. None the less, I roll out of bed and get to my feet, curling my toes in the carpet and yawning. I walked from my room bare foot and head in the direction the Finder pointed out to me.

I turned out that the cafeteria was open, and a few people were actually eating. The cafeteria was a large open room of neatly floored tiles and long black tables all in position on the floor. A large chandelier, consisting of crystals and glittering lights, was hung up close to the ceiling that towered more the three stories above me. Across the room from the entrance an opening in the wall revealed the interior of a kitchen and a man moving around inside. Only two scientists with extremely dark circles around there eyes and a twitchy looking girl ate now.

I pause for a second and then make my way across the cold tile to the opening in the wall. The man behind the window had rich olive colored skin and dreadlocks running down the back of his head and neck. His ear held a large purple ring and black cuffs circled his forearms. He was wearing a chef's apron tied around his waist and dark sunglasses shielding his eyes. I wondered why he'd need sunglasses when we're inside in the middle of the night but it was none of my business.

"Uh…" I cleared my throat and the man saw that I was there, "Is this where I can get something to eat?"

"Oh Honey! You must be the new Exorcist Roxanna was talking about! Such lovely eyes!" the eccentric man merrily chattered. My face flushed brightly from both surprise, my heart skipping a beat from his powerful voice, and the compliment. "So you're hungry? Well, just tell me what you'd like and I whip it right up for you!"

"Oh, um… anything?" I asked, finding the conversation strangely familiar.

"That's right Honey!" he gave a goofy smile which looked strange on this mountain of a man. Still, he seemed kind enough.

"Then, can you make Coq au Vin?" I asked and the man smiles.

"Are you from France or just a fan of French cuisine? Of course I can make it for you!"

"Yea, I'm French." I said, considering it was easier then explaining that I didn't know, "Also could you…" I felt my face get a dark red color, "make 15 or 16 servings?"

His grin freezes and he raises his eyebrows at me, "You sure a skinny little thing like you can handle that much?" he asks and I nod reassuringly. He thinks for a moment and then smiles, "Reminds me of Allen…"

"Allen?" I ask.

He gave a small smile, "An Exorcist like you. He's got quite the appetite and he's as thin as a bean sprout. Anyway, I'll get your Coq au Vin out to you in no time flat." He spun around and started working. I hesitate at the counter for a moment and then turn and scan for a place to sit. I begin walking toward a empty table in the corner of the room, but my eye caught the twitchy looking girl again and I slow down.

She's a mousy girl, thin features and shrunken in cheeks. Fiery red hair was pulled up in a louse bun that only managed to hold half of her chaotic mess. In thin hands she was attempting to hold a teacup, a small intricate thing, but every time she reached for it her hand would shake violently and miss their mark. I watched her feeble attempts for a few moments and then made my way over to her.

She didn't acknowledge me as I approached, just focused on her task at hand. I reached over toward her lifting her teacup and resting it in her fingers. She twisted her fingers around it and shakily pressed it against her lips taking a drink. She placed it down and turned she head to me.

"Rings in your ears. Gold. Aurum 79." She sputtered.

"What?" I blinked.

"Rings! Your ears!" She muttered.

"Oh." I said reaching at the rings looping through my ears, "Yes, rings."

"Pretty." She murmured and her bright green eyes sparked, "Michael liked Aurum. I like Aurum. Ego similis aurum."

"…what language is that?" I asked, not recognizing what she was saying.

"Latin. Latin is an Italic language originally spoken in Latium and Ancient Rome. Rome. Italy. Italy a democratic republic-"

"What's your name." I interrupted, seeing as she would probably keep speaking like that if I didn't stop her. Her thoughts seemed to be scattered, and it sounded as if she was simply blurting out everything she was thinking.

"Elizabeth Isabella Liard. Daughter of Marybeth and Gerald Liard. Sister to Michael and Jared Liard. Age 19. Place of origin Switzerland. Date of birth-"

"Take it easy Lizzy." I said soothingly offering her the teacup. She took it.

"Your name? Friendly girl. Rings in ears."

"Sara. I have no last name." I told her, watching her face contort in strange ways.

"Sara. Communication Access code for Sara and Joseph XCDD3T authorization accepted detail listed 555674. Roxanna and Emmet finders. Nice finders. They tell me nice things."

The access code stuff sounded something like what Roxanna had said when we had first arrived at the order. "You know Roxanna and Emmet?"

"Yes. Roxanna Harold and Emmet Night. Finder team 301. Nice team. Tell me nice things."

"What do you so here, at the Order?" I asked the girl wondering why they would have someone in her mental state working here.

"Elizabeth Liard. Finder team 73. Funeral. Cremation. Mother doesn't know yet. Mother won't know. Rest in peace Michael." She blurted out, tears running down her cheeks.

"Your brother?" I asked and then regretted it when I saw her tears, "Was he a Finder too?"

"Finder team 73. Six Exorcists dead, including finders, one hundred and forty eight confirmed deaths. Michael loved his finder friends. I loved Michael."

"One hundred and forty eight deaths?" I asked incredulously, "What happened?"

"I was there. Michael and I were there. Akuma were overwhelming. Go back Elizabeth! Go back! We're fine, no need for you to come. Michael said. Michael didn't want me to follow. I stayed behind. One hundred and forty eight deaths. Michael died."

"That's horrible." I murmured, and my chest hurt as I looked at the shaky girl. "Lizzy, what are you doing here? You've lost your brother. They should let you go back to your mother."

"I know things. I know many things. I've read nearly every file in the science department. I know many secrets. I can't leave. I know things."

"They aren't letting you go because you know about the Order and Innocence?"

"There are worse things then you know about. Terrible things. I've sworn myself to a Finder's loyalty and life. I live for the Order. I die for the Order. I keep secrets. I stay here."

"Elizabeth knows what she's doing." A voice from behind frightens me, but it's only Jerry with a cart holding a large cooking pot. "She has been like this since her brother died. Frightened out of her mind, poor thing. Smartest person I know though. She was aspiring to join the science division and read some of the off limits files in the library, then her brother died. Too much tragedy for her heart. The order can't even let her return home, the way she says everything she thinks of. Those files can't be told to every other person on the street." He mumbled and reached under his cart pulling up a teapot.

"More rose tea Elizabeth?" he asked Lizzy softly.

"Rose is the best." She said holding up here tea cup, "A Herbal tea made from real rose buds, plucked when they are young and then dried."

"Indeed." Jerry said smiling, "Do you like the new Exorcist Sara?"

"Sara, nice. Sara is very nice, helps me with tea. Pretty rings."

"Lovely eyes too." Jerry agreed and then turned towards me, "I haven't made Coq au Vin in awhile so I hope I did alright." He smiled and moved the giant pot to the table and handed me a bowl, silverware, and a ladle, and then he took his cart a wheeled it back to the kitchen.

I spoke to Lizzy some more as I began to work my way through my meal. The more we talked I saw how her hands didn't shack quite as much and her speech began to stay more on track and less fleetly. She told me about people. She seemed to be very fond of people. She talked about Michael, Emmet, Roxanna, Komui, Lenalee, Jerry, Komui, a boy named Lavi, and a lot of Finders of various names.

"So Lizzy." I said , finishing off my tenth bowl of Coq au Vin, "What do you know about innocence?"

"Many things. I've learned many things from years of being a Finder and I've read some things, Lots of things about Innocence."

"What about innocence that exists in a different dimension?" I ask with a vague hope she would know something.

"Innocence that exists in a different dimensional plane of existent connects with the soul of its Accommodator. Eris inter lucem et tenebras. Black bird. Black bird. Ravens are one of the more intelligent of bird species."

"Wait…slow down." I stopped her and put down my bowl. "Connected to my soul?"

"The Innocence residing in you is your soul. Is the foundation. The Essence. It's what makes up your soul." She frowned like those weren't the right words. "You are the Innocence."

"That doesn't make sense. I'm human, not some freaky cube thing."

"Innocence takes many forms." She sneezed and took a sip of her tea.

I shook my head and dispelled it from my mind. "What about that bit with the Raven. What did you mean by that?"

"…_I don't think I deserve it… selflessness… find your way into my heart... All stars could be brighter... All hearts could be warmer…" _she sang. A piercing pain shot through my body. A flame burned in my shoulder and stomach and my chest ache in some sort of yearning.

"Lizzy…" I mumbled, eyes wide staring at this redheaded girl, "Where did you hear that?"

"Mother used to sing to me. She can't sing now though. Mother can't sing to me ever again."

"What song is that?"

"No name. No name. Only words. Only song. Mothers sing it everywhere." She said, spinning a spoon through her tea. I looked at her for a long time, no longer wishing to speak. Had my mother sung that to me? Is it my memory of her that hurts my chest so much? Maybe, it seemed important. Not the song but the singer. The voice was important. Something…

"Where's your room Lizzy?" I asked, "I'd like to talk with you again sometime and I don't expect to be coming her at three AM ever again."

"I'll find you." She said shaking her head. "I like you. Nice girl. Pretty rings."

"I like you too." I told her and stood. "Be careful not to get yourself hurt."

"To late Sara." She said, "Too late for that."


	11. Greyhounds

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 11

I had just finished the last of my writing when the Finder knocked on my door. I tucked my journal into my backpack, now holding everything that had transpired over the last few days, and walked over to open the door to my room.

"Good morning Ms. Sara. Your presence is requested in training room 3B."

"I suppose it is." I murmured, rubbing my eyes. "Am I supposed to find this training room on my own?"

"No, Ms. Sara. I will guide you."

"Don't call me Ms." I said leaving the room, swinging the door shut behind me, "Lead the way please."

I was brought to a corridor that led into a white room. Inside different machines cluttered the floor, though not nearly as intimidating as I imagined. Along with a dozen floor sack dummies hung up on posts around the room, there was a trend mill, a free weight lifting bar, several different scales, and medical equipment that I couldn't name. The walls around the room were padded and the floor was hard, some sort of stone I didn't have a name for, and large braced lights hung from the ceiling. Inside the room, a few people stood discussing something. One of them was Komui, beret and all, while the others were unfamiliar.

"Sara!" Komui said smiling, "Good morning, did we wake you up?"

"No, I've been up for a while." I mumbled looking around the room.

"I'd like to introduce you to a fellow Exorcist. Lavi?" he motioned for a tall boy with bright red hair similar to Lizzy's. He was large, standing tall with broad shoulders and a muscular build. He was wearing a blue long sleeved shirt with black thermal pants similar to my own, and a thick black belt wrapped around his waist. A hammer rested in a holster on his hip, but I doubted it was used to build things. He had a large goofy smile painted on his face and a headband pulling his unruly hair from his eyes. Well…eye. His right eye had an eye patch covering it.

"Lenalee talked about you." I said as he approached.

"Did she now?" he said smiling, "Many people have been talking about you. You're the new craze around the Order."

"Really?" I asked disbelieving, "You wouldn't have thought that looking around at everyone."

"Oh no! Everyone's excited about new exorcists. There aren't a lot of us anymore so new recruits are always welcomed." He smiled.

"Hmmm…" I murmured, "So this is my physical right? Why are you here?"

"I'm a junior Bookman." He grinned, "It's my job to record everything around me, which includes the information of the new Exorcist, especially because you're so strange with your Innocence."

"You record everything?" I asked blinking, "…everything?"

"Yep." He ran a hand through his hair. "I have a photographic memory."

"Let's save the small talk for later." Komui cut in, leading me forward, "This must be swift or Fey will get on my case again."

"What do I do first?" I asked skeptically looking at the people in lab coats around me.

"We're just going to be taking measurements right now." Komui reassured me, giving me over to a lab coat with a tape measure in hand. The lab coat began to adjust me into a position with my arms spread wide apart and back straight and tall. He then began measuring various parts of my body and listing them off to Komui.

"Why would you ever need to know my bust and waist measurements?" I asked as they were being taken.

"We design each Exorcist uniform by hand." Komui told me. "Johnny likes to make the uniforms as comfortable as possible." I gave a small hum of acknowledgment.

Once those were taken and done with another lab coat came forward with some type of machine connected to a tube and needle.

"Blood typing." The lab coat explained, reaching for my hand, "You'll feel a small prick." She said holding my hand palm up. She lower the needle to my finger and with a small bite on my finger tip, she dropped my hand and pressed a few keys on the machine. "Blood type AB."

My weight was taken on a scale along with my blood pressure and reaction test. After that my hearing and eye sight were tested and found to be average at best. The women lab coats directed me into a separate room and looked over my body and made several lengthy notes about the tattoos on my back and Komui asked me many questions about its origins when we returned. I simply told him I knew nothing and he returned to scribbling on his clipboard.

I was given a stack of papers and asked to fill them out with the answers I believed to be true. It was an intelligence test of some sort and I struggled through, trying to recall basic mathematics and sciences I had learned from somewhere. Once I finished I turned it in to Komui knowing I must have missed the majority of all the answers. Komui scored it and quietly wrote the score on my form.

"Being book smart is not one of my strengths." I muttered and Komui resisted a smile.

"Yes well, that's alright. No shame in it." He said. "Now we take some of the more physical of the skill tests." He stood and ushered the lab coats to follow him. "Because of the nature of innocence this portion of the tests will be taken while we observers are up in the observer box." He pointed up to a glass window high up on the wall of the room. "We will speak to you through the sound system." He nodded at me and motioned for everyone to leave the room. Once everyone was gone he added one last comment, "Also Joseph asked if he could observe along with us, to insure your safety. He is up there as we speak." Then he left, sealing the door behind him.

I looked up at the window and waved sheepishly, a face appeared in the glass and Joseph smiled at me, returning my wave. For some reason the unease in my stomach lessoned and I waited patiently for the voice of Komui to reach me.

"Alright Sara, since all we know of your innocence is that it becomes active when placed in a position of intimate danger, like when a Akuma is present or you are physically injured, I'd like for you to attempt to activate it in some way other than physical injury. Try to attack one of the dummies or simply activate some manifestation of your innocence. Sensors around the room will record and evaluate the activity." Easier said than done.

I stood awkwardly in the center of the room, "Um… how exactly am I supposed to do that?"

"Well, activation of innocence is something that is different for all exorcists. Try to find the presence of the Innocence inside you and then will it to activate. Sometimes an incantation of some sort helps."

I bit my lip skeptically and then closed my eyes, relaxing my body. What does the presence of innocence feel like? I held my breath a searched, trying to feel for some sort of power. "Innocence activate!" I muttered.

After a few moments with no reaction, I opened my eyes and looked at the glass window, "It's not working."

"Yes, well, I didn't really except it to. The nature of your innocence would suggest that activation would be different." Komui murmured through the speakers, "Try attacking the dummies."

I walked over to one of the dummies feeling stupid. I coughed and tried to imagine the dummy as the golden lion, burning with the eerie fire. I stepped back and shifted my weight forward landing a square punch into the dummy's gut.

I froze there for a moment and heat rose in my cheeks. I stepped back and kicked the dummy, hitting it awkwardly in the side. "Komui, this is ridiculous." I stepped back, scratching the back of my neck.

"Ah well, it may become easier after some training. Now Sara, we'll take a few more physical test including strength, agility, and cardio. Please step to the trend mill."

I wander over to a slender looking machine and stepped on to the belt. I walked forward up the bars built for resting arms and holding drinks.

"We will, turn the machine on shortly. The speed will start out slow and then get faster as time goes on. Run as fast and a long as possible. Please show us the extent of your skill." He murmured through the microphone and a few buzzes whimpered through the machine and it began to move. At first the pace was slow and I only had to walk, but shortly after a minute it picked up and I was jogging along.

I hate physical exercise. I never was all that good at it, and with a minute of my jog I was breathing heavily, lungs screaming for me to stop. My legs beat against the belt rhythmically mocking my panting. At this rate I was most defiantly going to get low scores on all my skill sets. Lovely.

After five minutes the speed picked up again and I was put into a fast jog. With a grunt my feet speed up and I choked on my breath. The muscles in my thighs and calf burned with fire and begged me to give up and let the trend mill carry me off. My arms swung furiously at my sides, keeping pace with my feet.

Five more minutes passed and the speed yet again increased, forcing my body to push me forward viciously, each step calling on all the muscles in my legs to propel me forward. I burned, everywhere, a fire devouring my flesh in my lungs and heart. Hot steamy breath leaked from my mouth and nose. Knees trembled blow me. I ran on.

Ten minutes this time, and the speed on the machine increased, making me hiss in frustration and move my legs yet again faster. Spit leaked from my mouth and my nose began running along with the buckets of sweat dripping down my body. I had cramps in every imaginable place, and the fire burned brighter still centering in my lungs and legs.

After a while Komui's voice came over the speaker system, "Sara, you've been running for thirty minutes now. Are you alright?" I didn't answer, I just ran on, eyes bulging and mouth sputtering about. My lungs desperately reached for any amount of air it could take in, my legs seared with the fire. It was as if a white hot metal case had wrapped around the flesh, melting the muscles and bones.

Fifteen minutes crawled by accompanied by yet another burst of speed and my legs flew forward to match it. I let out a weak moan as I pushed my body forward, gaping mouth summoning air into my body. Run as fast and as long as possible. Run as fast and as long as possible. Somehow my feet found its next step without my mind commanding it to. My mind was completely distracted with the scorching sting ripping viciously through my flesh, running through my legs. Tears ran down my face, onto my sweaty lips.

The next fifteen minutes passed and a scream ripped through my lips as I matched the speed. Eyes widened, mouth gaping, legs ripping, mind numbed, lungs tearing, and body aching I continued to sprint on the machine.

"SARA!" Komui's voice exclaimed through the microphone and lab coats came through the door each trying to coax my off of the machine. Run as fast and as long as possible. "Sara, get off the machine. Your legs…"

They burn. They burn. They must be on fire. Now my spine was inflamed too, running up my spinal cord, ripping away at my body. I felt myself bending to it, my body hunching over to the pain, legs pushing me yet forward but hands reaching for the belt. I had to keep running.

Running

Running

Running

With a sudden twist of my ankle I was flung backwards, body slamming into the bulk of the machine. My head cracked against the trend mill and I spun around hitting the machine against my back. The belt reached an immediate stop and I started screaming, crying out in pain. The lab coats rushed forward, pulling me off of the machine and I heard Komui's voice directing them over the intercom. Another person crashed through the door and rushed down towards me.

"Sara!"Joseph yelled, his hand on my cheek, trying to gain my attention. I gargled out his name along with desperate gasps of air and uncontrollable spasms in my chest and legs. The room was spinning around me and I tipped my head over to vomit across the floor.

The nausea resided and I looked up at Joseph and then down at my body, lying on the floor. My flesh was glowing bright red and was glistening with sweat. My eyes lolled down my body and caught sight of my legs. Panic issued through my body, causing my breathing to become rushed and choppy.

"Don't look." Joseph said trying to take my attention away from my legs but I ignored him and laid gaping at them. I felt vomit rise in my throat again and it ran from my mouth uncontrollably.

Through ripped pants I could see my legs had changed shape, contorting into the shape of dog legs. Thick round thighs layered in muscles and skinny calves. My feet still resembled my own but they were half morphed into a skinner structure with indications of dog-like feet.

"Oh God." I murmured through haggard breaths. "Oh God!" I rasped in a panicked voice.

"Sara! Sara!" Joseph took my face in his hand and made me look at him. "Don't panic. Just look at me. Okay? Alright, your Innocence changed your legs to accommodate the speed you were running at. You changed them. Understand. You need to change them back now. Focus. You've got this. Focus."

"I-I don't-" I choked out and Joseph shook his head.

"No! Sara you need to focus. You can do this. Just will it back to normal. Imagine it and bring it to reality. You just need to focus."

I managed to nod at him and I closed my eyes. I focused myself on the pain in my legs that was beginning to subside. I felt it, breathing as calmly as possible, trying to keep my stomach from turning inside out once more. Underneath the sear blinding pain of it all, a strange tension was strung through my body like a thin string. I imagined myself as I normally am, or at least thought of the idea of myself normal. I centered my mind on that idea, that image, and as carefully as I could I pulled at the string.

A scream instantly ripped from my mouth and my body convulsed violently around. I felt the hands of the lab coats holding my body to the floor, trying to stop me from having spastic movement. Electricity buckled through my legs frying them from the inside out, sparking the scorching flame to reappear and eat at my flesh once more. It lasted only a moment, and quickly dispersed and my screams died out into sobs.

"Bad string." I choked.

"Sara. That's good." I must have made a face at him because he quickly continued, "No really. Your legs are changing back, but you're not quite there. Try whatever you did once more."

"I can't. I can't Joseph, you don't understand." I sobbed.

"You need to do it Sara. Focus. Just once more, I promise." I felt his hand squeeze mine, and pained eyes stared at me.

"It hurts." A whine leaked from my throat.

"I know. I'm sorry. Just once more."

Just once more. I pulled on the string. Maybe god does have mercy in his heart, because I blacked out this time, thrown into a dark hole. An endless, endless abyss.

…

Dreams are strange for me. I've heard stories about dreams, how they mimic reality only without the laws of the world holding them back. Dreaming being like a second life, a life created completely from your own mind and a world that follows. My dreams aren't quite like that.

Colors. Colors and music, those are my dreams. I saw waves of blues twirling around me, carrying the melody of a child's music box, rocking me with sweetness. I was alone, like I always am in my dreams, though this time I recognized it. I felt myself alone. Alone.

When I awoke I was no longer in the white training room. I laid on my back still, with thick blankets piled on my chest and a monotone voice echoing around the room. I look around to find I'm in my room, the one given to me by the Order and Lizzy it sitting in a chair by my bed. In her hands she has a book, lips moving to the words on the pages. I sit up and blink at her but she continues to recite the words on the page faithfully, not giving in to any distraction. I shift under the blanket and move my legs out into the open. They were thickly bandaged but shaped like normal human legs and I felt no pain while moving them around.

"Greyhounds are the fastest dog species in the world. A combination of strong powerful legs, deep chest, flexible spine, and slim build allows them to run up to speeds around 43 miles per hour. Above .7 miles per minute." Lizzy said looking directly at me. When I didn't respond she continued, "Your Innocence allows your body to adapt to its surrounding and various challenges around it to maintain survival. Survival of the fittest. Evolution. The human body has only ever traveled at 27 miles per hour and only for a short time. Only .4 miles per minute. Sara was traveling at 40 miles per hour after running for 68 minutes. Greyhound. The Greyhound is a breed of sight hound that has been primarily bred for coursing game and racing. "

"If I had kept running, would I have turned into a dog?"

"Possibly. Greyhounds are fast but they are not the fastest. Possible other adaptations would have accord and taken place. Sara's body would change. Become better."

"What are you doing here Lizzy?" I asked curling my legs up to my chest and cuddling them.

"I heard bad things happened in the training room. I was scared. The nice girl with rings may be hurt. I was right. I tend to be right." She looked at the book in her hands. "I was let into Sara's room by the nice boy with the argentum glasses. The nice boy is sleeping now. I was sad. I read you this book. Thought you'd feel better if you heard it. Sherlock Homes. Classic." She held up the book for me to see. It was the one I had bought and put into my bag back when I had first meet Joseph.

"Where is Joseph?" I asked her.

"Joseph is sleeping. He wouldn't leave the room. Medic left. Komui left. Joseph stayed. I stayed." She looked at the end of my bed. I followed her gaze and found Joseph's body hunched over my bed. His arms crossed over the sheet and head resting onto of them. I heard the soft purr of his breathing as he slept and I smiled at him.

"You were right Lizzy." I said, looking at my legs. "I guess I am made out of innocence." I felt wetness in my eyes and I quickly wiped it away with my sleeve. I waited a moment but a collection of tears streamed down my face, "Damn it!" I wiped the tears away furiously but they just kept coming. My chest gave out a sob and I curled into myself, letting myself whimper pathetically into my arms. I felt thin arms wrap around my torso, and I looked up to that Lizzy had climbed onto my bed and was now cradling me against her emaciated body. That did it.

I cried, haggard choking sobs whimpering from my mouth while my tears ran into Lizzy's shirt. I felt like a child, but I didn't really care at the moment. I clung to Lizzy, sharing her warmth and comfort. I let my fear show, the absolute truth of all I had felt while being at the Order. Horrible fear that ruled over me and forced me to become an Exorcist. I didn't want to change. I wanted to stay exactly the way I was. Human. A human ignorant in all dealings of death and fear.

I cried for a long time, until my sobs died off and I could lift my head to meet Lizzy who was murmuring some sort of song to herself.

"It makes me sad to see you cry. Nobody should cry. I don't like to cry." Lizzy said earnestly, "I like you a lot. I like the nice boy with argentum glasses too. I don't want to see either of you cry. Crying is not good. Tears aren't good. Tears are secretions that clean and lubricate the eyes."

"I won't cry anymore then." I gave her a smile.

"No!" she said loudly taking my hand, "You must cry if you need to but I don't want you to need to. It is not the act of emotion but the bringing of that emotion. Proactive thinking. Proactive behavior involves acting in advance of a future situation, rather than just reacting."

I wiped the remaining tears from my face and gave her a real smile, "Thank you."

"Gratias."

"I don't speak Latin." I told her and then jumped when a sound came from behind me. I turned and saw Joseph stirring in his sleep. He sat up and yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He blinked for a moment and then looked up. His eyes got wide.

"Sara! Oh God, I'm so sorry. I was supposed to make sure nothing went wrong and you were okay but I-" he stopped himself and hung his head, "I didn't mean for that to happen." He reached for my hands and placed them inside his own. His head still bent over as he spoke, "It's alright though. You'll be just fine so you don't need to worry. You'll be alright. You'll be alright." He murmured to my hands. I watched him for a moment or two and then took my head away.

I placed a hand on his head and he lifted his face to meet my eyes, "Yea." I said smiling, "I'll be just fine."


	12. A Comrade

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 12

"Take a deep breath." The medic said, pressing the cool circle into my breast. I slowly sucked in air, easily and clearly, and pushed it from my lungs. The medic pulled away and withdrew the silver ring.

"Her heart and lungs are functioning fine, and I found no abnormalities with her legs." The nurse held the bandages that were once covering my legs in her arms, revealing the same pale legs I've always had.

"That's good." Komui nodded from behind the nurse. Komui had explained the scientific happenings of the effects my innocence had on my legs and how exactly it managed to change and transform the matter in my flesh but I was easily distracted from his tangent, mostly because I didn't understand half the words coming out of his mouth. I didn't think it mattered all that much, but I suppose he was just trying to consol me. Understanding what had happened may have been something that would have calmed my nerves and fears, but it did nothing of the sort.

I stood and tested my weigh on my legs, bending them and shifting my weigh carefully. Komui said a few more things I didn't hear and then finally waved a hand in from of my face until I jumped.

"W-what?" I look his in the eyes and he gives an amused laugh.

"There will be no need to continue the physical. Your records are all recorded and the information gathered from you cardio portion of your physical is now being analyzed. You should take the day off to rest, but I suggest beginning training soon. I'll leave your personal training to you. Train your strengths and improve yourself for any sort of situation you may encounter." Komui nodded to himself several times, writing something on a sheet of paper, "Maybe ask around the Exorcist or some of the Finders for tips."

"So…just train? I mean, what exactly am I training for?"

He looked up, a serious haze in his eyes, "Battle. You need to be able to defend yourself and others from Akuma. Exorcists have to stay on the peak of physical health to do this. Since your touch is the only way we know you can fight Akuma, I suggest training in hand to hand combat. Learn some sort of martial art. Kanda may know a thing or two about that." He added, collecting up his papers. "I'd really love to stay and help you sort it all out but I need to hide from-" he coughed, "I mean, return to my lovely assistant before she comes to find me."

I smiled at that, "I thought I saw this strange gap in the cafeteria wall between the kitchen and the refrigerator. I asked Elizabeth about it and she told me it lead into an extra storage room. Nobody uses it though." Komui winked at me and then left my room with the medic on his tail. Once they were gone I slapped my thigh with my hand. They still hurt like my legs would. A red mark formed at the spot I smacked it and then quickly faded. They still healed like my legs would. I just couldn't shake the feeling that they were like strange new shoes that hadn't been broken in yet. A perfect fit, but still not natural.

I sighed and undressed myself. Stripping away the tattered thermal pants I had shredded and the blue shirt that clung to my body from sweat, I stepped into an impressive bathroom that was situated right off of my room. I showered for a good fifteen minutes before the emptiness of the bathroom started to creep me out and I shut the water off. Once out of the shower, I dug through a drawer Komui told me was stalked with clothing for me, and found another pair of the thermal pants. I kind of liked them, soft and comfortable. I also found a long sleeved maroon shirt with a square neck hole and quirky little lines running down the left side of the chest. I pulled these on and found a pair of black boots awaiting me in the corner and I pulled them on as well.

Once dressed and sweat smelling I swept out of my room and began wandering around. I contemplated going to get something to eat, because at this point my three AM breakfast was doing nothing for me and I was once again famished. I rejected the idea of going, but only for the fact that I didn't wish to be around people at that moment. I still needed to wrap my head around my entire situation.

I supposed shape shifting was not one of the worst powers one might wish to possess. It's frankly one of the better ones compared to invisibility or super strength. In theory, I should have been ecstatic about this cool new trick I could do, but in reality, I was far from it. Because sure, I could change form, granted only after put in an extreme situation like deifying the laws of nature, but people take for granted the comfort of having one solid form is. It's… disconcerting.

I sighed kicking at the wall and ran a hand through my hair. I moaned in frustration and glared at the wall.

"Has the wall insulted you?" a voice from behind me said and I yelped jumping forward and slamming into the wall. I banged my head on the bricks and groaned, crouching down and rubbing my temple. I turned, while still crouched down and looked at the speaker.

The first thing that caught my eyes was his strikingly pure white hair. Sweeping silk-like colorless hair framed large glaucous eyes and smooth pale skin. Across his left eye a scar traced down his skin in the form of a swish and a pentacle on the forehead. He looked young, or at least younger than the white hair would leave someone to believe, for he looked my age if not a year or two older. He wore a handsome dress shirt and English styled vest, complete with neat pants and shoes. In his arms there was a stack of paper, piled nearly to his chin. His body was lean, skinny and thin, as if he was made of paper. Concern shone in his bluish gray eyes. "Are you alright?" He asked looking down at me.

"In a sense of the word, yes." I answered him pulling myself back up, "It seems though that everyone wants to sneak up on me."

"I wasn't trying to sneak up on you." The boy gave a half smile, "Sorry that I frightened you though."

"It happens." I shrugged and looked at his load, "What are those?"

"Reports, I just got back from a mission and I need to fill them out." He shifted them in his arms. "This isn't even half of it, Link has the rest."

"Mission?" I asked tilting my head to the side and he stared at me for a moment.

"Are you new here?" he asked, "I've never seen you around."

"Yea, I just got here yesterday. I'm a new Exorcist."

"Ah." He said, something having been clarified in his mind. He moved the pile of papers onto one arm and held out the other for me to take. "Welcome to the Black Order. My name is Allen. I'm also an Exorcist." I placed my fingers into his hand and he held them in a quick shake. I withdrew my hand and pursed my lips thoughtfully.

"Allen…Jerry said something about you." I looked him up and down, "He was right."

"Right about what?"

I grinned, "You do look like a bean sprout." The pile of paper in Allen's hand fell to the ground and he stared at me in shock, red rising in his face. He blinked and began collecting the papers from the floor, all the while trying to hide a scowl creeping on his face. Someone has a complex. "Sorry, I was only joking." I smoothing over it, seeing how it had angered him, "My name is Sara. It's nice to meet you."

He recovered, pulling the papers back into his arms, "Nice to meet you." He echo and then smiled at me, "Have you already been briefed about everything by Komui?"

"More or less." I responded, "The real question is whether I understood what he was saying. It's overwhelming to hear."

"Indeed." He agreed, maybe remembering when he first learned of all of this, "Spend enough time at the Order and you'll get used to it all. May I ask what sort of Innocence you have?"

"You can ask but I don't have an answer. It's a long story, but in short I've got a new sort of innocence type. Sort of like parasitic but it's not in my body per se." I hesitated before I went on, wondering if it would be taken seriously, "A friend told me it's most likely connected to my soul and my body is the physical form of it." I shook my head, "No one knows for sure."

He was quiet for a moment at that and then looked at me more closely, "I couldn't even imagine something like that." He said and he placed his pile down on the floor and rolled up the sleeve of his left arm. I held my breath as I looked at the pitch black skin winding up his arm, forming rings around his bicep that lead up onto his shoulder blade, which I couldn't see through his shirt and I had no intention of asking him to remove it. His hand was the same deep black with a small green cross imprinted on the back of his hand. His fingers looked like armor, the same sort of kinks metal gloves have at the knuckles, matched with long fingernails. "My innocence is parasitic type. Its name is Clown Crown."

"It has a name?" I managed to ask, watching his fingers move.

"Most Innocence does, or at least eventually does. For example Lenalee's boots are called The Dark Boots." He paused. "Do you know who Lenalee is?"

"Yes, I meet her yesterday, on my way to Komui." I said as he returned his sleeve to normal.

"Have you been introduced to the other Exorcists as well?"

"No, just you, Lenalee, and a boy named Lavi. " I murmured, and I glanced up at his face, "Is that scar part of your Innocence?" I asked.

He touched his face gently, "No, this is a curse my father put on me." Allen said and my eyes grew wide. He saw this and continued quickly, "Don't get me wrong, it was not an act of malice. He was…" he paused. "He had every right to curse me and it was meant as both a curse and a gift. You see, through my left eye, I can see the souls of Akuma. It helps me be prepared for Akuma attacks and has saved my life more times than not."

I looked at him for a long moment, "Are they sad?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"The Akuma. I've… In the past I've had the opportunity to get to know Akuma personally. They always seem so sad and broken. Are their souls like that too?" he stared at me.

"Yes. The souls of Akuma are grieving, both from the sins they are forced to commit and from the love their loved ones gave them." He looked at me seriously, "When you said you had the opportunity to get to know Akuma, what did you mean?"

"I've talked with them, while I was staying in Russia I had a short lived friendship with an orphan girl who always talked about her dead best friend. She cried to me a lot and asked me to kill her." I let my voice trail off.

"So this Akuma knew you had innocence?" he asked.

"Something like that. She knew that I could bring her peace if I killed her, and she knew I was the only one who could save her."

"…how strange." Allen said, "I've never heard of something like that."

"Like what?"

"Akuma aren't rational beings, especially low level Akuma. A low level Akuma wouldn't have enough self control to speak with you like that and a high level Akuma wouldn't have spoken with you at all because they're so far lost in killing they think of only that. To think you could have an entire conversation with one peacefully while it knows full well you have innocence is… strange."

"It seems everything is out of the ordinary when it comes to me and this Order," I grumbled and kick at the wall again.

"Do you… Do you care about them?" Allen asked, not looking me in the eye.

"Care about what?" I ask.

"You asked about their souls. Do you care about the Akumas' souls?" Allen repeated.

I thought about that for a moment, "That Russian girl was only five years old, yet she talked to me like she had felt her sorrows for thousands of years. She needed a happy ending. I wanted desperately for that. If all Akuma are like that…" I pause, "Then all Akuma need to be saved from the fate they face."

A sad smile crossed over Allen's mouth, "If you talk like that around here you're going to find trouble. It seems to be in the Central's mind that Akuma are our enemy and we should use any method possible to destroy them." He stopped making sure he had my attention, "I don't believe it's true though. Akuma aren't the enemy, they are but victims in this war."

I stare at him, "…is that why you fight?" I ask, acknowledging the passion I heard in his voice. "Do you fight to save their souls?"

"Yes," he said, "But I also fight for humanity."

"That seems like a lot to fight for." I murmur.

He smirks, "It's everything I fight for."

"I think you care too much."

"To make up for those who don't care enough." He agreed. I didn't say that caring to much would probably kill him. He probably already knew. I leaned over and sat down on the floor and took one of the form sheets. Scanning over it, I thought over what my next question may be. Allen sat down next to me and began filling out the sheets, but he continued to speak.

"What can your innocence do?" I told him about the shape shifting dog episode and of my magical healing abilities and he nodded sullenly."So it is connected with your body. How do you plan to fight Akuma with that Innocence?"

"Komui said I should consider training in some sort of martial arts." I told him, "Someone named Kanda is supposed to know something about it." Allen scowled at that.

"Kanda's a idiot." Allen muttered, "It may be better to save your breath, he's not worth it to ask for help." I turned to him curiously.

"That's a bit mean." I say, thinking that Allen didn't seem like the sort of person to be hateful.

"You haven't met him." He shrugged. "I'll give that he may know a thing or two about traditional hand to hand combat styling but his manners are lacking greatly."

"It sounds more like personal grudge." I grinned.

"Yes, well, we didn't really get started on the right foot." He grimaced. I laughed lightly and sighed against the wall.

"Is there anyone else I may be able to ask for help?" Allen considered this.

"All Exorcists that have Innocence that pertains to close combat fighting know basic martial arts. So, Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda, and all of the Generals are skilled in it." He said, "And I do as well considering my Innocence."

"Then would you…" my face turned red and I quickly looked away. I wasn't skilled in asking for help from people, which made it all the more difficult to wrap my head around asking a stranger, " ah… never mind."

"Hm?"

"No I… well, would you mind teaching me a little? I really have no idea where to even start. I've never had to fight anything before. I normally just run. Anyway, if you have free time and you're bored…" I coughed and looked at my feet shyly.

"Oh well," he leaned against the wall and looked up, "I'd be more than happy to help you. The thing is I'm… under probation."

"Probation?"

"Of sorts yes. It's kind of a long story." He smiled painfully. I really looked at his face now. The dark shadows under his eyes. The way his eye lids drooped as he thought, as if the very things he thought of physically exhausted and depressed him. It was almost frightening.

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to hear it." I murmured, laying my head into my arms resting on my knees. He looked to me slowly and sighed inwardly.

"What do you know about the Noah?"

"Next to nothing." I told him, "Komui just gave me a brief overview, so he only told me that Noah and the Millennium Earl are our enemies."

"It's a bit more complicated than that." He said filling out the reports piled between us. "There is no question that they are our enemies, if you can believe anything, believe that. The Noah want to destroy the world."

"What are the Noah? A type of Akuma?"

"I wish." He muttered, "No, they're human. Tragically human."

"Why…" I started, "Why would a human want to kill all the humans? That doesn't make sense."

"Like I said, it's complicated."

Allen made it clear that what he was telling me wasn't the definite truth. The Noah were secretive and the Order knew very little fact about them. That being said he began to explain.

The Noah were self proclaimed super humans, chosen by god to lead the world into a new evolution of humans. They have been around in different incarnated forms more than a thousand years before even the Great Flood that shrouded the world in the three days of darkness. They believe it is their duty to eliminate all humans from the world, leaving their superior race to dominate it. Since they have lived for over a few thousand years, they have needed to take hosts that will hold their memories when their physical body can no longer survive. The Noah memory takes over the human host body and transforms it into the superior form of the Noah. The Noah can be distinguished from normal humans from the gray tone in their skin and the diamond scars running in a line across the forehead. They don't always need to take this form as it has been seen that they can take the appearance of normal humans.

After running through these facts for awhile Allen grew increasingly distressed, deep lines forming between his eyes. The more he explained in depth about the Noah and some of the things they've done and how and why, the more agitated he got. Something was really bothering him, and then more he talked about it, he was reminding himself about it all. I nearly stopped him, but I held myself back. Whatever this was about, I thought I needed to hear it from Allen himself. Plus he looked like he needed to get it out of his system. Even if he was just confiding into a stranger, I was willing to listen.

He began telling be about a specific mission that he and a few of the other exorcists where undergoing. A mission where he had to enter the Arc, a ship used for transportation through space and designed for Noah use. During this mission the Arc was being destroyed and he and the other Exorcists had to reach the center of the city and get to a door that would take them from the Arc before they disappeared with the Arc. He quickly sped through the story of fighting with each Noah and all of their indivual abilities, eager to reach the end of his story. He slowed down once he got to the point where the Arc was on the verge of disappearing and his master was ordering him inside some sort of white room.

He stopped there, staring out into space like he was lost in his memory, a silence growing between us. I waited, studying his face, eyes hazy with remembrance and thought.

"Allen?" I whisper.

He sighed deeply, "I saw something in the mirror." He started cautiously. "This weird figure of a man was in it, just staring at me. He spoke to me. He told me that, that Timcampy and I were the key to the Arc. Timcampy being the name of my golem, you know, the little black things you see flying around, only Tim is gold. So, my master told me to go to this piano in the center of the room, and he told me that I had to play it to fix the Arc. I had never played the piano before, nor had I ever read sheet music but…" He waved a hand in the air, "Tim projected the sheet music into the air, and I could read it. My father had once taught me, like a language, I just knew. My fingers just started playing on their own, and I heard a song inside my head. All I had to do was will the Arc to reassemble and everybody came back with it."

"That's amazing!" I said in awe, and I wondered why he was so bothered by this. His mission sounded astonishing, and I could only imagine how powerful Allen and all the exorcist must be. Sure that whole mirror thing was a bit creepy but he saved the day didn't he?

"Yes, it can be useful sometimes." Allen murmured, "But the thing you need to know about me, Sara, is not that I have an unusual talent with the piano. You see, there's a reason I knew the song. There is a Noah known as 'The Musician' who was the only person who knew of how to control the Arc other then the Earl himself. He's also known as 'The Fourteenth", the fourteenth Noah. The Noah who betrayed the trust of the Earl and as a result died. Before he died though, he thought the song of the Arc to his brother." Allen's voice caught and he had to stop himself, starting intensely at the wall, "His brother's name was Mana Walker, my adoptive father."

"…whoa." I breathe, considering this development, "You're on probation because your father was the brother of a Noah? But he's not even your biological father."

"No, it's not because of that. If that was it, I wouldn't have been able to control the Arc. Remember when I told you that the Noah reincarnate into human hosts?" he stops and looks at me. I think for a moment, wondering what I was missing. After a long moment, I understood. My eyes widened and I sucked in my breath harshly.

"You?"

"Yes."

"Him… inside you?"

"Yes." He nods.

"But you're not a Noah." I said though for a moment I doubted it. What did I know? Besides, he said himself Noah can appear human.

"No, I'm not." He agreed, "I won't be. No matter what." He pen dug into his paper, muscles tightening in his arm.

"Does… Does it hurt?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of any manners I might have had. "Can you feel it…him?"

Allen is thoughtful for a moment, "My master told me the memories were given to me shortly after the Fourteenth died. This means I've had it inside me for years and I never noticed. So physically, no, it doesn't hurt. But," his eyes got really dark. "It's creepy. To have something inside me that I don't understand."

"…I can understand that." I murmur, my hands clenching and mind reeling from all I had just learnt.

Allen turned his head slowly to me and gave and small smile, "That's why the Order has put me on probation. They think me dangerous and a possibly enemy. I don't blame them for that though, they don't understand what's inside me either, and it can be deadly to them." He shook his head and stood, "But it's not going to be an issue. I would die before I became a Noah." He turned to me and held out a hand, "If you're alright with that, I might be able to make time between missions and getting hounded by Link to help you."

I look at Allen, the host of the memories of a Noah, and grin at him. In some ways, we were one in the same. "Thanks Allen." I said and took his hand as he pulled me up.

_/AN: A new chapter will not be posted for awhile. My cat just died today and i have no desire to write. This chapter was already finished so i decided to post it as a sort of farewell for now to those of you who read this thing. Bye. :AN/_


	13. We'll be okay

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 13

"Just ten more and then you can stop."

"Damn it Emmet, I'm going to murder you."

He grinned down at me, "If you can talk you're not working hard enough." I grind my teeth and press into the weights again. The muscles in my biceps screamed at me as I carefully lifted the bar so it wouldn't swing out of control. I pressed it into my chest, right below my chin and set my feet the way Emmet had shown me. I squat, bending my knees and keeping my back as straight as possible and then roll back up. My thighs protest loudly, sending an army of fire and cramps to rip and plunge their knives deep in my legs.

After my talk with Allen, he had excused himself to finish his paper work and left me with a promise to help me if time ever arose. Comforting, but I still needed to start training, with or without Allen. Later in the day, after visiting the cafeteria and doing a bit of exploring of the Order, I had run into Lizzy being soothed by Emmet. Something must have spooked her because she was on the floor hysterical, while Emmet crouched down next to her, rubbing a hand on her shoulder and whispering softly. I was a bit surprised to find the Emmet had a soft spot, and by the amount of redness in his face when I came around the corner, I was betting his soft spot was specifically Lizzy.

Lizzy had nearly calmed herself completely down by the time I arrived and I decided it was best not to bring it back up, so I didn't ask what had caused her distress. We made small talk for a bit and I brought up my training dilemma. Lizzy told me that Emmet could help me train, but only if I asked him really nicely. After a bit of moral debate, I gave into my shame and asked for Emmet's help as politely as I could. He laughed at me. Figures. Then Lizzy asked him to help me. After a bit of sputtering and I bit more redness, he agreed.

So here I was, my suffering was Emmet's pleasure as he watched me sweat it out in the training area. So far I had made fifteen laps around the outer ring of the training hall, done thirty sets of ten upper body free weight lifting, done some sort of jumping exercise which consisted of Emmet swinging a sword at my feet which I had to jump over, and four sets of lower body squats. This was my fifth and final set. Jesus H. Chris, I was dying.

All the while Lizzy sat against the wall reading out loud my Sherlock homes book. She didn't even read it like a normal person would. She would read a chapter, skip ten or twelve pages, read that for awhile, skip a chapter or two, read and then start over from chapter one. It made the passing of time very confusing for me.

I felt like I had been run over by a whale, every part of my body ached, not only from the exercises I did but from a few hours before when I ran for more than a hour without stopping. I was cramping like you would not believe, in places I thought impossible to cramp in. Wasn't I just a rule breaker then? Impossible parasitic innocence. Impossible running speed and time. Impossible empathic relationship with Akuma. Impossible bodily functions. Yea… this was going great.

The burning in my legs intensified tenfold, turning the searing heat into almost a cold sensation. "Emmet, my Innocence is acting up again."

"The burning? Are you sure it's Innocence and not just muscle?"

"No, this is defiantly Innocence." I huff.

"Right. You can stop the squats now. I want one more lap around the arena and then you can leave." I cursed at him in French and earned a confused look. I laughed, choking on my battered breath and began jogging.

It hurt. I hurt more than most would believe. How can people do this every day, work until one is left with no breath in their lungs, no break for a racing heart, no cooling relief for scorching muscles? But then again, it wasn't worse than being transformed with innocence. Nothing compared with that pain. Not a million deaths could compare to that pain.

I finished the lap and collapsed on the ground, my legs giving out from underneath me. Emmet made a small cry of surprised and shuffled over to help me. He turned me over on my back, pressing into my spine telling me something about keeping my lungs open. Lizzy crawled over with a cup of water and a towel. She poured some water on the towel and then poured the rest on my face. I cried out, but only from the relief the icy water gave my baking flesh. She mopped up the water with the towel and places it under my neck.

"Thanks." I managed, sitting up slowly. Emmet said something else about my spine and lungs but I ignored him. I looked down at myself. I wore basic brown shoes, padded so they wouldn't cause me to twist my ankles as I ran and short shorts the hiked up my thighs because I assumed I would appreciate them once I started working out and it got hot. I did. I pulled vaguely at the blue sleeveless shirt I was wearing. It clung to my body, fitting a bit too tight around my breasts and peeled of my flesh like there was some sort of glue keeping it down. It was only sweet though that suck it to my body, and from the look of it, I probably smelled terrible. "Lizzy, can you help me too the bath?"

"Public Bath. Down by Lenalee. Three doors down. I like it there, it has bubbles. Smell like lavender. The lavenders are a genus of 39 species of flowering plants in the mint family, Lamiaceae. The English word lavender is generally thought to be derived from Old French lavender, to wash, ultimately from the Latin lavare, refereeing to the use-"

"Lavender sounds nice." I cut her off, getting to my feet and she followed suit. I thanked Emmet and asked if he'd be willing to do it again tomorrow. With a nonchalant shrug he agreed and set a time. I nodded and headed out with Lizzy. My legs felt like pudding as I tried moving with them, and I had to regain my balance a few times before the sense of vertigo left me. Lizzy was leading me forward, muttering nonsense, her word running over each other so fast I wondered if her mind ever took a break.

She led me to an intricate door that she opened with a natural sort of grace that told me it was a familiar thing for her. She took my hand and pulled me forward, and I stumbled over my feet and into the room. Besides the shower in each of the residential rooms of the order there were two communal baths for the use of everyone. Lizzy had told me that it was Komui's idea, wishing to put a bit of his homeland's culture into the order. It wasn't all that hard to believe that the bath was Komui's idea. The embellished room was so his style.

The bath was composed of several layers of miniature waterfalls, in a style resembling a hot spring. Surrounding pools of water four feet deep, rocks were placed strategically so that you wouldn't hurt yourself getting into the bath but still enjoy the décor. The bath water was hot, nearly boiling by the look of the steam rising off of it into the chilly air. Looked at it skeptically and shrugged. I wasn't one into theatrics.

Lizzy took me into a room that ran off of the bath that was the dedicated changing and showering room. Lizzy stripped herself down, not hesitating in the least, possibly because she didn't realize there was any reason to be embarrassed or she simply was too used to it. I looked away as she showered for a quick moment, running her fingers through her red hair, the water turning it dark and rich, then she hoped away and into the bath.

I peeled the sleeveless shirt from my body and shrugged out of my shorts and shoes. I stripped away my undergarments and socks and quickly dipped into the shower. I scrubbed the sweet from my body quickly in the room temperature water and then timidly walked over to the baths. Lizzy had completely submerged herself underwater and I took that moment to slip into the water myself before she came back up for air. The water was toeing the point of being too hot, instantly heating my body till it was bright red. My muscles contracted and I relaxed into the water. I really needed that.

Lizzy came up for air like a dying man, taking in a great breath of air and rubbing the water out of her eyes. She blinked and turned to me.

"What's that on your back?" she asked in one clear coherent sentence. I smile at her, glad that the water helps clear her mind a bit.

"A birth mark I think." I answer, "I'm not quite sure."

"Birthmarks are never that elaborate. Birthmarks are caused by overgrowth of blood vessels, melanocytes, smooth muscle, fat, fibroblasts, or keratinocytes. But this," she took a breath, "Is a language known only to the prophets who gave us the cube. That and it looks similar to the data given on January 16th 458672-38 report 17. Allen Walker. Music Sheet Timcampy. Mana Walker and the Fourteenth relations." She froze, "NO! no. no. no. no." she threw up her arms and started to punch at her head. I called out and gripped her wrists, restraining her. She let out a very long pathetic cry and stopped struggling.

"What's wrong Lizzy?" I asked at the sudden outburst of violence. I loosened my grip but didn't let go.

"I'm not allowed to speak of it. Neither to friends nor nice people. Inspector will hit me. He tells me beauty hides the most useless of minds, he says I must do as he says. Don't speak of the secrets, do not tell. NO. no. no. That hurts. Stop!" she was thrashing around now, caught in a memory of pain and I had to shout to get her attention. She looked up with a mixture of pure terror and a sincere plea for help. God save her.

"Lizzy, it's okay. You're alright." I murmur. "I already know most about what you were talking about anyway from Allen."

"Allen." She echoed, like she liked the name. She smiled slowly, "So many of the secrets are his. I can't say though. No. I can't say." I looked at her steadily and released her arms. They feel to her side and she slipped into silence, wading at the other side of the bath to daydream.

My birthmark looked like the language on the cube? Or was it the sheet music Allen had read? She hadn't been so clear, and she spoke so fast it was easy to miss words. If the birthmark was the language on the cube then that was understandable, the mark just acted as the connect ion of the soul innocence to my body. If it was the sheet music, I hadn't a clue what to think.

I wanted to ask her about it, but I was weary of her reaction. What brought such violence? What was it that she said? Something about the inspector. I froze in the raging heat of the bath.

"Lizzy?" I called through and mouthful of steam, "Can you speak?" she lifted her eyes slowly and nodded at me. "Lizzy, has the inspector hit you before?" she didn't say anything, only stared at me. Strange that I never really saw her eyes before. They were green, but so clear they could have been glass like little transparent orbs. Empty, yet filled to the brim.

"Lizzy," I said again, my voice growing harsh, "Has the inspector hurt you?"

Silence.

"Damn it Lizzy! Answer me." I demanded, my voice quivering. Lizzy's eyes held me for a moment and then sank to the water.

"Yes." She was crying.

"Why?" I say softly this time, hesitant from her tears, "Why would he do that?"

"I was foolish Sara. Seeking knowledge. Thought that if I could just know more, anything more, I might stand a better chance. Finders die every day. And I did. I live but Michael died. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save anyone." Her head lowered a bit, "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. Bertrand Russell. Yes, I read those files. I know the secrets. Now it is my silence that is needed most. A choice given to me. Silence, seclusion, or death."

"If you promise to stay silent though, why did he hurt you?"

"I can't stop it." Her voice was shaking violently now, fingers twisting in her hair, "It all there. Swirling and swirling. I try. Don't think that I don't. Like a child's secret, it floats in the front of your mind hanging on your tongue. Waiting for your guard to slip and you let it go. Then it's too late and words are words. You can't take it back. They go away and you can never take them back." Now she was full out sobbing, large heaving choking breaths violently burst from her chest. I stood and stepped from the water and retrieved a towel and wrapped it around myself. I grabbed another from the cabinet on the wall and walked back to the bath. Reaching under her arms, I pull her from the water, heaving a bit and I get her sitting on the side of the bath. Her arms were wrapped around her chest, her body trembling fiercely. I drape the towel around her shoulders and then crouched to me knees and wrap my arms around her. It was an awkward, unfamiliar hug. Still I felt her stiff shoulders relax and lean into me.

"Shhh." I breathed soothingly, her soaking hair pressed against my cheek. "You're okay. You're okay." We stayed there for quite some time, me breathing like the ocean and her quivering in my arms. Eventually she pulled away and took my hand, wrapping it around her fingers.

"We are both okay." She murmured. "Pretty rings. Nice girl. Sara. Sara. Is it alright if I call you my friend?"

"Yea." I said back, "And Joseph too. We'll both be your friends."

"Friends." She said thoughtfully lifting her head to meet my eyes, "You're not allowed to die then. You can't leave me. Not again. Not ever again. Michael."

"I'm not going to die." I said forcing a smile. She scowled.

"Everyone dies Sara. Every second of every day, we die just a little inside. Tick. Tick. Tick. No, someday we all will die. Just let me the first. Me esse primum. Unum."


	14. Embers

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 14

"Komui!" I slammed open his office door, and stood in his doorway, five feet and two inches of rage. The science section grew quiet for a moment, but their usual noise and clatter quickly picked up again as they disregarded me. Komui however, stopped his work to raise his eyes to me.

"Yes Sara?" he asked pleasantly, ignoring my obvious anger.

"Where is the inspector?" I stormed inside and loomed over his desk.

"Which one might I ask?"

That managed to stop me, "…There is more than one?" I muttered. He nodded and I internally curse at myself. I hadn't asked for a name from Lizzy.

"Why do you need to find one of the inspectors?" Komui asked, leaning back in his chair, relaxing, glad to finally have an excuse to stop working.

"Lizzy...eh, Elizabeth told me that one of the inspectors hurt her."

Komui eyes looked at me seriously, "What do you plan to do about that?" I opened my mouth but quickly closed it. What was I going to do? I had run into here blindly after getting Lizzy to her room and changing, but I didn't have a plan. Komui smiled, realizing this. "Were you going to hit him then? I would have to advice against that, for your safety."

"He hit her Komui. It's not right!" I exclaimed.

"Indeed." Komui said slowly, standing up. "Sara, you are running blindly at a force you are not ready to face."

"He can't just get away with abusing people like that. She's practically traumatized!"

"He can get away with that." Komui said gravely. "The inspectors work under central and I have no commanding power over them. You have even less. Central will not be bothered if physical persuasion was used to keep the order's secrets from leaving Ms. Liard. Sara, do you plan to fight central?" I was quiet looking at my feet knowing there was no right answer to that question. Komui smile sadly.

"It's not a fight you can win." He murmured, "God knows Allen has tried."

"Allen?" I ask, remembering our talk.

"Yes," Komui said, "Which reminds me, I have to explain that situation to you."

"No need." I muttered, "I've already spoke to Allen about it." I waited for Komui to claim Allen's story to be biased but Komui only nodded.

"No better person to hear it from." He said. He reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder, "You have a good heart Sara. Keep it. I don't think you fully understand how complex our situation truly is, though with time you will learn. Elizabeth Liard is not the first, and It kills me inside to know she is not the last to be abused by the Order's power. My job is to do all in my power to protect the exorcists and finders. To protect you too Sara." I didn't know what to say, so I simply nodded. He gives a half smile.

"And anyway, what do you think might have happen to Ms. Liard? If you stormed up to this inspector and revealed that she told you about the secrets. I do believe she would not get out of that situation unharmed. Think Sara. Always think carefully."

…

For the next week I trained with Emmet, doing the same routine daily. I would wake up in the god forsaken hours of the morning and trudged my way to the training hall to meet Emmet. He would talk me though each of my exercises and then I'd go the baths and wash myself off. Sometimes Lizzy would come along. Other times she would lock herself in her room to do whatever she did in her free time. I'd eat a lunch fit for kings and then sleep. And thus was my new life.

During the time that I wasn't doing any of that, I was able to meet and learn about the various Exorcists of the Order. For one thing there were four generals, Cross Marian, Froi Tiedoll, Klaud Nine, and Winters Sokaro. In addition to the Exorcist's I had been previously been told about like Kanda and Lavi, the only other living Exorcists were Marie, Chaoji, Krory, Bookman, and Miranda. When I had first heard about the Exorcists I had expected there numbers to be greater. All in all, there were only seventeen of us.

I didn't make friends with the other Exorcist though. If I were to be honest, it was because I was terrified of them. Though they were only people, normal average people you might see on the street, I knew they were truly more than that. They had seen war, one with monsters and demon that killed without a second thought and anyone who can just walk away normal from something like that were not normal themselves. I looked at them and saw warriors, eyes full of experience and bodies trained to fight. They were greatly superior to me, and they intimidated me with only their presence. So I simply watched them from across the cafeteria.

After that week, I told Emmet I no longer needed his assistance and he went back to his finder duties. Working out by myself was at first strange and actually very lonely, but I soon got over it. The training was still as hard as the first day that I did it, but I found that with each day I could keep my breath for longer, and my muscles didn't burn as quickly. Sure this progress was miniscule, but it was still progress none the less.

After the second week I doubled the workout, running twice as much around the arena and adding weight to the lifting. The first day of that was pure torture, worse than my first day, but I managed to finish it all out without the help of innocence and then pass out on the training hall's floor, only to wake up hours later, dying of hunger. Soon that too became easier as I continued to do it.

In normal instances, you can't feel when you get stronger. You don't feel when muscles build in your body and lungs grow stronger. I knew this, but still an odd sensation began to course within my body. I became strangely aware of myself, my muscles, my blood, I could feel them like you can feel clothing. A constant presence of it but easily forgotten if you didn't think about it. Still, it was there.

Despite the progress, I grew increasingly aggravated. Every minute of every day was filled with thoughts of what I could be doing out in the world and not locked up in the gothic halls of the Order. I remembered the Akuma and all of their sorrow as they begged me for death. I remembered all the faces of the people I meet during my travels, who they could be dying from the mechanical demons. I should have been out there saving them, all of them, not in here going about everyday mundane things.

But even though I did want to go out there and save those in need, I knew I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. I didn't know how to control my Innocence. I didn't even know how to fight properly against a human let alone a monster. I would be useless out on the battlefield, a burden to the entire cause.

I was trying, growing slowly stronger in my days of training, but it wasn't enough. Eventually I might get to that point where I could hold my own, but right then I wasn't. People were dying and I wasn't saving them. I was given the power of Innocence yet I wasn't doing anything with it. People were dying while I was taking a bath.

This frustration grew in my chest, festering with each passing minute as my thought circled continuously around my head. The more it became irritated the less the actual reason mattered. It was rage, pure rage, the thing I continuously suppressed everyday. It was blind and only knew the firm hand that held it at bay. In the back of my throat I could taste it, my stupidity, my uselessness, my emptiness, my inferiority, and my angst.

On my twenty-eighth day at the Order I lost it.

"Damn it!" I screamed, taking hold of the table that held the collection of training weapons and flipping it onto the floor. I kicked the cart making it slide a good few feet and the roared again in frustration. I knocked myself into one of the dummies, sending it flying towards the floor. I dropped to my knees and punched it. My knuckles throbbed, turning bright red and I swung down punching it again. Again. Again.

I was bleeding and crying and it didn't help. I punched the dummy in the gut, and I feel my stomach drop and I collapsed onto the dummy, my body shaking in agony. I whimpered, tears rolling down my cheeks, teeth clenched and lips pulled tight across my face. I feel nauseous, my stomach curling into itself threatening to let go and vomit across the floor.

"You're useless!" I screamed through choked sobs. "Stupid." I echoed audibly my thoughts. "Selfish. God gave you that power. Get up and start using it." I couldn't stand; my legs completely betrayed me, going limp and numb. "STAND UP!" my throat ripped and my legs still stayed frozen.

I sobbed and went completely limp, my rage leaving me. All the anger I had built up was gone in a flash, and I felt incredibly foolish. "Smooth Sara. Glad you accomplished something productive." I said bitterly to myself.

From somewhere to my side I hear the silky noise of a knife being picked up. Panic shot through my body, but I didn't move from my position thrown over the dummy. The cart I had tipped was placed back up and the knife made a sharp click as it was placed on it. One by one each of the weapon were replaced on the table, each with their own noise to accompany it. I concentrated on the even footsteps of my visitor, not really caring who it was. Whoever it was inevitably was going to ask me what was wrong. I'd lie to them. They had no business in knowing. To hell with them.

The last of the weapons were put on the table and there was a long pause in the intruder's footsteps, and then slowly they approached me. The presence loomed over me and I felt a hand on my shoulder. Before I could pull away an arm wrapped itself around my chest and turned me around. Arms encircled me and my face was pressed into the neck of the man holding me. He pulled my body towards him, pressing my torso into his, sending his warmth into me body. His hold was tight and body soft. I didn't pull away.

"You were watching me." I whimpered, tears still running down my face.

"Yea." Joseph murmured, pressing his face into my hair, a comforting feeling.

"Did you hear me?" I choke out.

"Some of it." He answered simply, not saying anything else.

"Do you always watch when I train?"

"No just today."

"I don't do this every day." Was all I could think to say. Joseph was warm, warm in a way that made me stop shaking and my chest feel lighter. My tears slowly reseeded and I closed my eyes, pressing into his neck. He held me, one hand on my hair, and the other rubbing soothing circles on my back. I must have looked mentally unstable, tearing through the equipment like a mad person, and then breaking down into a violent sobs afterward. "Thanks." I managed, squeezing his arm with my hand.

"Friends right?" He said into my hair, "do you want to tell me about it?"

"Nothing really to say. I'm mad about something I can't change, I just… hit my limit."

It takes seconds to light a fire with the right tools. I burns large and bright, roaring with deadly force, but as quickly as it comes it eats all its fuel and burns out. A flash of flame and you're left only with ash. Ash and ember dark with destruction, tarnished with passionate flame. The embers that had gone dull and dim are never quite safe, still hiding heat. Still threatening another conflagration.

I felt like an ember. Too easy to anger and too quick to burn out. The anger was still there, deep inside my chest, my helplessness a constant weight. It wasn't gone, just temporarily dormant, waiting till something set me off again.

"I'm going to quit being a Finder."

I tensed against his chest, "You are? What happened?"

"Nothing happened; I just decided I'm not cut out for field work. I'm going to see if I can't get a transfer. I might not have a perfect education but I've read quite a few books. I want to join the science division."

"I've been in there." I noted, "They seem flooded with work."

"I like working." He said thoughtfully, "I like thinking. I don't like being idle."

I remembered his eagerness to be constantly traveling towards London, not wanting to stop for breaks. I considered my own frustration with not being ready to fight. "I guess I can understand that."

"I'm going to have to start studying hard for it, try to enter in the mathematical section. It's going to take up a lot of time so you're not going to see me around." Which wouldn't be much of a change, I hadn't seen him around much the past few weeks anyway. He was always away, doing work for the order out where it counts. "So," he emphasized "Before I do, do you want to talk about what bothering you?"

I laughed lightly, my chest still heavy. I pulled myself away from Joseph's embrace and meet his eyes evenly. I didn't even glance at his scar (I swear). "No, it's aright. Nothing I can do about it other than what I've already been doing. Training. Learning. Becoming better. I just wish I could do it faster. I just want to start putting my work to good use."

"You never struck me as patient." He grinned, the corner of his mouth pulling towards his burns.

"I'm not." I scowled and the coughed sheepishly, "Well, I guess that's obvious." I said referring to my little show of anger. He stared at me for a moment and then realization flashed across his face.

"Ah! I just remembered. I ran into Allen in the hall and he asked me where you'd be later today. He wants to meet with you in the Cafeteria. Something about having time to train with you?"

"Finally!" I shouted happily, getting to my feet, "He's going to help me learn how to fight." Me mood shifted dramatically and I felt like dancing, "He's going to teach me how to be a proper Exorcist!"


	15. Selfish

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 15

"You might as well laugh out loud. I can see it in your face." I blushed calling Allen out as his face twisted in an attempt to hide his humor. He coughed and composed himself the best he could.

"I would never laugh at the expense of a lady." He lied evenly, a false mask of calm painted on his face. "Now show me your stance again."

I sighed, reluctantly returning to the fighting stance he asked me originally to begin in. He wanted to start by showing me how to stand and brace myself so my balance would be alright. Of course, he assumed I already knew the basics of it. Sadly, he overestimated me.

I separated my feet about a foot apart and bent my knees so I was in a squat. I pulled my arms up so my forearms were vertical and pressed them into my chest protectively. I basically looked like I was about ready to jump into a lake.

This time I heard a short snort of laughter before he smothered it with a straight face. My face burned and I quickly calculated how fast I might be able to run away and hide in a corner. Allen lightly approached and gripped my shoulders.

"You're hunching over too much." He said straightening me out a bit, "and your feet are too close together." He said tapping my shoes with his foot. I quickly adjusted myself and I felt more balanced. I relaxed and eased myself back into my normal stance.

"Wonderful, I can now stand. But what about fighting? I want to learn how to fight." I whined anxiously rolling onto the back of my heels. Allen scratched his head thoughtfully, making his blinding white hair stick out in odd directions. He was lean, nearly to the point of looking withered, but once he was stripped of the initial loose clothing you could see the well defined muscle ripping across his flesh. He wasn't stocky or even close to the body type of Marie or Sokaro. But he was powerful. He knew how to fight. He had seen war. If I needed to know how to fight, I wanted to learn from him. My eagerness showed.

"I've never taught anyone before." Allen admitted. "So I'm not exactly sure if this is the proper way." He shrugged, "But let's just jump right in. Have you ever fought before, against people?"

"…No, I don't think I have."

"Have you ever been taught self defense? Any form of protection? Maybe from your dad?"

"I don't think so. Even if he had, I wouldn't remember."

"Sometimes the body remembers what the mind doesn't." Allen murmured, "Alright then, we'll start with the basics." He grinned mischievously, "Then I can show you some street moves. I get Kanda every time with those."

"Yes!" I agreed enthusiastically.

"Alright, here we go."

Despite Allen's lack of experience he was an excellent teacher. This may have been from his extensive knowledge or experience on the subject itself, or maybe his patience and comprehensible explanations. But I believe it was his passion. He genuinely wanted to help me, to teach me how to survive and help others. He wanted me to understand and to be able to mimic the swaying movements of his body, the lightness in his feet, and the sharpness in his awareness. He wanted me to succeed. But not only was he empathic with my desires but he was passionate about fighting itself.

When Allen stood still, he seemed relaxed enough, but you could see the truth in the edginess in his eyes and the shadow underneath them. I guessed it was the fourteenth that bothered him so constantly, the foreign presence inside of him, constantly threatening his very existence and soul. It weighed down on his shoulders, adding in weight with the passing seconds. This image, these hidden feelings, disappeared when he fought. All his problems slipped from his eyes, leaving only absolute focus. The goal of saving the lives and souls of all humans in his mind. Focus.

I had no such focus. If the key to focused unwavering determination was a definite specific goal or desire, I was severely lacking. Sure, I shared the same passion for human life as Allen did, but that wasn't entirely the motive that drove me forward. There was something else, some selfish yearning festering inside me that I couldn't name. It was strange, confusing, foreign, and I didn't understand it. I didn't know. No real surprise there.

But I needed to understand. Fighting requires drive, a resolute wish. I wished to fight, the burning flames in my chest yearned for a chance to save people, to save those who would rather live in torture than without their loved one. That was true, as honest as every emotion I've ever felt. But... there was something else. Though I would never admit it out loud, I knew my own heart. I knew that through the glamour of my desire to save the innocent, an ugly corrupt wish fermented. I knew it was there, but not what it was.

This ugly welt on my heart made itself known through doubt and fear. For a moment, when I pushed my body, thrusting my fist forward to strike Allen, I could feel myself holding back. Not out of concern for Allen, but of my self-doubt. Was I really doing this for good? Should I really force my hand when I might be as corrupt as the people we are fighting? Do I deserve power? No. So I held back.

"Attack with all your weight." Allen would say, "Make your whole body move with you."

Despite my best efforts to ignore this, to churn my ember and stir the fire within me so I could attack without doubt, it was futile. The more you try to not think about something, the more you have to think of it. Eventually Allen grew frustrated with this.

"I don't get it." Allen said correcting the position of my feet as I beat away at the chest of a practice dummy. "It might be that you're not used to the movements so the actions are too awkward, but you're having issues connecting."

"I'm hitting it aren't I?" I huffed, breathing heavily and thrust my fist at the dummy again.

"But you're not all into it. Whenever you make a move your entire body should be moving together. Use you torso to put some power into it."

I took a deep breath to calm myself and punched the dummy again, this time forcing my chest forward but the momentum caught on my arm at a bad angle and my wrist twists in an ugly way. I cursed loudly pulling back and griped it in my other hand. Allen stepped forward brushing my hand away and took my wrist in his long pale fingers.

"You alright?" he asked slowly bending my wrist back and forth.

I flinched as he rolled my bone across a sore spot, "Yeah, I think it might be sprained." He made a small noise of agreement and released my wrist, going to the metal table with all the weapons arranged on it. He dug through a bag laid next to it a retrieved a first aid kit. I allowed him to wrap my wrist in medical tap, uncomfortably tightly, and pat my shoulder.

"You want it," he said almost to himself. "You want to learn, a can tell and you've told me but…" he looked up at me, meeting my eyes with a curious kind gaze, "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." I said flatly, regaining my hand, "Nervous." I said, shame churning in my stomach. I didn't like lying to people so nice.

He looked a bit skeptical but shrugged it off, "Nothing to be nervous about. You'll get used to it." He gestured for me to move away and I stepped back. "Watch me and how my entire body moves with the attack." He murmured eyes narrowing at the dummy, maybe imagining it as someone. He took a breath and danced his weight between his feet once or twice and then stepped forward solidly, pulling his right fist back. In a sudden fluid motion he twisted his body around like releasing the strain on a rubber band sending a crushing force forward. His fist hit the dummy in the diaphragm from below sending the sack into the air about a foot and then flying out from him a good fifteen feet. It hit the floor with a deafening thud and the metal stand screamed against the ground rolling away. He took another breath, eyes glazed with unwavering focus, and returned into his nonchalant stance. I gapped at him, incredulous eyes wide. The dummy weighed three hundred pounds.

"Damn." I say a grin wide on my face, "Remind me not to get on your bad side Allen." I look at his hands, "It's not even the arm with your Innocence."

He smiles politely back at me, "Yes well, I've had time to get physically strong."

"When you were training with your Master?" he flinched when I said this, and I remember a second too late Cross had disappeared a few weeks back. Before I had even arrived at the Order, a bloody window, broken glass, a shattered mask, and rumors were all that were left of him. "Sorry, I didn't mean too-"

"No, it's okay." He scuffed his boot on the floor, "Yes, mostly with my Master. He worked me nearly to death." He smiled fondly at the thought. "I almost died on a daily basis." And even if his tone is bitter, his eyes see his Master affectionately. I felt like hugging him, but I held back. Joseph must have been rubbing off on me. No touching, I reminded myself.

"And on your missions." I moved the subject away from his Master.

This time his face mirrored the bitterness in his tone, "Yes, you learn quite a lot on missions." He shakes his head. "Anyway, do you want to continue or do you want to rest your wrist?"

I scuffed at the thought, "Of course we are going to continue. I've waited weeks for you to have time to help me; I'm not going to pass up the time for such a pathetic injury." He stares at me for a few moments and then nods.

Training lasted another three hours in which Allen continuously drilled me on the basics of all offensive and defense fighting tactics. He was very particular on form, keeping myself balanced and constantly moving. I wondered how much that all mattered but I wasn't going to outwardly question it. He was the one that sent the dummy flying with one hit. I'm willing to listen.

By the end of the session my wrist was throbbing intensely, pain streaming through my entire arm but I managed not to show it on my face. Hadn't I even winced during the training because Allen would have stopped. He would have insisted I go to a medic and get it checked. He wouldn't teach me anymore. Because he was a gentleman and refused to knowingly hurt a girl. A quality I admired but had little use for. I needed Allen not to hold back because if he couldn't go all out, how was I supposed to? So I bit my lip and let my wrist scream.

I sat on the metal bench bolted into the wall of the training area and used my uninjured hand to sip from my cup of water. I briefly located all of my sore, bruised areas on my body but was constantly distracted by my wrist. Funny how harsh pains make the little ones seem lesser. I glance at the bandages constricting my wrist and made a small humming noise. I guess my body couldn't handle the focus.

"Allen?" I murmured quietly, instantly hoping he didn't hear me.

No such luck, "Yes?"

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. I mean it is really personal and we've only just meet awhile ago so I guess it's inappropriate to ask-"

"What is it Sara?" he ignored my attempt to evade asking.

"You loved Mana right?" I asked fingering my bandages. Allen nodded weary of where this was going. "Do you fight for him, or only because you want to save both Akuma and humans?"

He sat down next to me and took a swig of water, "Mana gives me hope." He began, head turned away to hide the redness in his face, "He was the first person in the entire world who loved me. He taught me about life and love and believing in myself. He taught me to always move forward despite what lies in my path. To always strive towards good. I try to live for him, to follow his lessons the best I can. I became an exorcist at first to make up for turning him into an Akuma, but then it all became about saving those who needed me. That's why."

I sighed, "You're so clear. It feels like you just open your eyes and see the world as this great pure place. At least when you talk about Mana."

He smiled sadly, dark circles under his eyes seeming darker. I watched his face grow serious and tight, eye getting darker. I stiffen and turn my body to face him. His spine had gone ridged, harsh scars layering his chest showing through sweaty fabric. His face was forbidding, sharp shadows scratching down pale skin. My heart pounded in my throat and panic coursed through my body. The same sort of panic my body sets itself into when I feel Akuma.

"A-Allen?" I choke out. Intense eyes turned slowly towards me. They lingered on me for a long second and then he smiled at me. I nearly screamed.

Then it was gone. Allen blinked and the darkness in his face dispersed leaving his light kind eyes. He saw me looking at him terrified. "What's wrong?" he asked pulling back his white hair with a hand.

"Nothing." Everything. Everything is wrong, because that was Neah. Oh God, that was Neah. Allen looked away, realizing I knew. He didn't say anything. I didn't either.

"Can we do this again?" I finally do say, "I like training with you."

Allen bobbed his head a few times, "Yea, we can. Soon."

"Soon." I echoed. I look at my wrist; all the pain was gone, eaten by my Innocence.

***.***.***

The first punch narrowly misses my head, his fist only meeting my hair, and he quickly recoils sending out a second punch with his other hand. I manage to bob my head out of the way in time and sidestep his body completely. His feet mirror mine and we're once again facing each other. Again, he aims a fist at my diaphragm and I step back, leaning back as I send up a kick towards his knees. He evades easily and presses into me using his leg to sweep behind my legs and pull my feet out from under me. I gasp and he lands a punch in my stomach sending me thundering to the ground. My back hits the ground hard and I curl into myself, using my arms to protect my torso, shielding vital organs. I gasp for breath and wait for his next move. Five seconds and I was down.

"Well done." Allen praised me, reaching out to pull me to my feet, "Are you alright?"

"Peachy keen." I said gasping, accepting his hand. The white haired boy pulled me to my feet with inhuman grace and grinned.

"You've managed to dodge the initial throws and you got the chance to go on the offensive. You're quick to learn."

"You're holding back though." I pointed out.

"Granted." He said still smiling, "You are a girl. I wouldn't want to seriously hurt you." I huff a bit at that but nod anyway.

"Don't let me get around behind you like that." Allen coached, slowly showing the steps he took to do it. "Stay light on your feet and keep moving."

"Yes." I studied his movements.

"Be quicker if you're going to try and kick. Get close and use all your force. It makes the attack harder to evade."

"Yes." I imagined the scenario in my head.

"Alright. You ready to go again?"

"Come at me." I placed myself in position. Feet resting lightly shoulder width apart. Arms resting half bent in front of my chest. I narrowed my eyes at Allen's figure and watched the subtle movement in his muscles. He shifted his weight back and forth on his bare feet and leaned slightly forward preparing to strike. With a flash he pushed toward me.

His body arced toward my right side and I swept my right foot around so I was continuously facing his body as he moved. Seeing this he dropped his body closer to the floor as he advanced and charged me. I braced myself, thinking I could take his momentum and throw him to the ground but at the last possible second he shot himself up and collides into my upper torso. I get knocked sideways, and nearly lose my footing, but manage to stay on my feet and dodge his sweeping kick move. He grinned and he pulled back and struck again throwing the combination punch at my head. I weaved through these attacks, progressively getting closer to his body. He pulled away, ceasing his attack and I used the time to twist my torso around and send a skull crunching blow at his jaw. He caught my wrist before I could connect and twists it and himself around my body, forcing me to the ground and placed his knee into the small of my back. I cursed.

"You almost had me there." He tells me standing up and allowing me to move. "One second slower and my jaw would have been dislocated."

"Yes but you weren't a second slower." I muttered pounding the ground with my fist. "And neither will be any of my enemies."

Allen shrugs and helps me up, "You'll get faster. We've only been sparring for a week."

"But I need to be able to do this now." I moan.

"It takes time Sara. But if it's any consultation this is the fastest I've even seen anybody learn. You should be proud of yourself."

I doubt I'd ever be proud of myself. I doubted I'd ever be able to attack with the focus of all my heart. I doubted I'd ever be as selfless and good as Allen. I doubted I'd ever be able to save anyone. I doubted I'd ever be an Exorcist.

"Are you ready?" Allen asked.

"Come at me."


	16. Mind over Matter

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 16

I trudged my way through the halls of the Order, not taking much notice to the people rushing around me. I didn't look up as a man nearly collided with me, almost spilling his coffee down my front. I didn't even flinch when I heard the clatter of a desk being overturned and a frustrated yell echoed through the halls. You get used to all the chaos.

I had just finished another practice session with Allen, the second one this week as luck would have it, and despite a few sore spots here and there I was feeling good. It was gradually taking Allen longer to pin me down, which meant I was getting better at resisting. Sure I was still having issues 'connecting' but with agility and speed I was compensating. If I continued like this, I might even have a mission soon.

That is, if I ever figure out how to use my Innocence.

I had talked briefly with Allen about activating Innocence, but he was unhelpful. Activating Innocence is just something that comes naturally to Exorcists. Something that happens simply by command and by willpower. Which didn't work for me.

He told me about a time when he couldn't activate his Innocence because it was broken off of his body and shattered. The only way he was able to reactivate it was after he took the time to learn and understand his Innocence and connect with it emotionally. That he only had to accept that he was going to fight for both humans and Akuma and his Innocence was like, "Yep, we're cool now." Problem solved.

I reached my room and gripped the door handle, using my other hand to pull the tie out of my hair, making it fall to my shoulders and release the tightness on my scalp. I swung the door open and threw my bag on my bed only to be met with an irritated screech. I jump and stare at the bed with wide eyes. Ruffling his wings in a distraught way, Ty perched himself on top of my bag and called to me. I let of the breath I was holding and smiled at him widely.

"Clever bird. How did you get in here?" He cooed soothingly and leaned down to stroke his silky feathers. "You're a sight for sore eyes. Tu me manques." I say, slipping into French. I lay on the bed and Ty flies up onto my stomach and sits there like it's his nest. I grin at the familiar bird, feeling relief flood through my body. Something about the bird, him being the only connection I've had outside of the Order, soothed me.

"What do you think I should do Ty? My Innocence isn't listening to me." I had tried to find that string of power within me, the same power that allowed me to return to normal after my physical, but the more I searched for it the more lost I became. The only contact I could get with my innocence is through pushing myself so hard physically that it kicked in to help my body not kill itself with effort or through damaging my body through injury. I blinked and sat up, causing Ty to move away. Injury.

I scoot over to the side table on my bed and pick up the knife I took from the training area originally intended for extra weapon handling in my room. I turned it around in the light making the blade gleam with bright shimmering light. I looked at it for a moment and then sliced my wrist without hesitation. I stung, so much so I cringe, but I quickly gathered myself and closed my eyes. I saw only the blackness of the back of my eyelids, and felt only the pulsing throb of my wrist. A thick trail of blood ran down my arms, strangely warm against my skin and I waited, trying to keep my breathing even.

It was there. I could nearly feel it, like its presence is looming in mist. Almost visible but concealed with a thick gray curtain. I searched and tried to pull the mist away, tried to reach down into myself, feeling through my body but it resided quickly. My eyes flashed open and I looked at my wrist, the once bleeding wound already pink and fading.

I gripped the knife and plunged it into my arm and this time I let myself cry out in a weak whimper. I reentered my darkness, and I could feel it more prominently this time, practically touching the curtain of gray and I pressed against it, trying to get it to become something more tangible and it was almost there. I could almost touch it but then it was gone again pulling back into its vagueness. I gritted my teeth and twisted the knife in my arm, willing it back within my reach.

I did this, multiple times. Each with the presence looming just beyond my grasp, to where I might be able to brush it with my finger tip but it always pulled back too quickly. It was like it was separated by some sort of glass or a force field that wouldn't allow me to pass through. I wondeedr how I might break such a force field, and whether or not breaking such a thing would be good. Obviously my Innocence didn't want me to touch it. Well too damn bad.

I opened my eyes after an excruciatingly long time and all the colors of the room blinded me for a moment. I slid the blade out of my arm with a hiss and watched as the glimmering blue lights danced across it, sealing it back up. I cursed loudly when I finally registered all the blood surrounding me. It had seeped down my arms and soaked into my shorts, the pristine white bed sheets, and dripped onto the carpet. I stood, expecting to be dizzy from blood loss but I guess my Innocence took care of that, and I stumble over to my bathroom and wash off the blood from my arm and hands. I run a finger vaguely over the spot I stabbed, no sign that it was ever harmed. Not even a scar.

I strip off the shorts and toss it into my personal sink, plugged the drain, and ran the hot water. I bit my lip, not sure how to handle the bed sheets and the floor. I flinched at a harsh knock hit the wood of my door, but I recovered and called out, "Who is it?"

A muffled voice answered and I sighed and let Lizzy in. She was going on about frogs for some reason or another, and she hastily swept into my room and hopped onto my bed.

"Blood?" she mused as I sealed the door. "Specialized bodily fluid in animals that delivers necessary substances such as nutrients and oxygen to the cells and transports metabolic waste products away from those same cells. Six quarts of blood in a human body. Injury. You?" She asked quietly trailing the soaked spot with her fingertips.

"Yeah it was an accident. Do you know how to get the blood out of the sheets and the carpet?"

"Not an accident. Flush sheets in cold water and scrub with shampoo. Hot water causes blood to set in permanently."

I cursed and ran to my sink, turning off the hot water and drained the sink. After ringing out my short I set them back down, this time running the cold water, "What do you mean not an accident?" I asked keeping my voice even as I returned for the bed sheets, hoping I still had a chance for her to believe me lie. There was no reason to make her worry.

"Too much blood for an accident. Blood wouldn't have set in so much had you reacted to an accident. Reaction time. Reaction time is the elapsed time between the presentation of a sensory stimulus and the subsequent behavioral response. What were you doing?"

"Like I said it was an accident. I spaced out and didn't realize I had a knife in my hand. My Innocence sometimes makes it hard for me to register pain right away." I bluffed trying to see if she'd buy it. Luckily enough she didn't press the issue.

"Hydrogen peroxide will get the blood out of the carpet." She murmured standing up. "H2O2 adopts a nonplanar structure of C2 symmetry. Although chiral, the molecule undergoes rapid racemization." I stared at her dumbly and shook my head.

It took me awhile to get the blood out of the sheets and then the carpet, but I went ahead and did it anyway. Best not to get others involved in my bloody experiments. I was pretty sure it would be frowned upon. Lizzy had disappeared and returned with the hydrogen peroxide from who knows where and helped me out. I changed into my favorite pair of thermal pants that seemed to run in abundance here and sat on the stripped mattress with Lizzy.

"So." I start, laying back, "Did you need something?"

"Looking for you and Joseph. Friends. I want to show you something. I've got something to show you two. Both of you. Only found Sara though. Need to find Joseph. Joseph kind." She flushed light pink. Ty, who had been watching my bloody episode from my dresser made a loud bird noise that caused Lizzy to scream and scramble back on the bed.

"Hey, Hey!" I called, taking Lizzy's arm calmingly, "It's just Ty. My friend. He won't hurt you."

"Ty?" she asked instantly curious, tilting her head at the bird. I released her arm and nodded. "Are you Ty?" she asked the bird. Ty stared at her intently and Lizzy matched his gaze. I watched them back and forth as they stared unblinking intensely at each other. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, wondering how to break the weird situation when Lizzy smiled a bit and said fondly to Ty, "I guess you are."

"What just happened?" I asked her feeling ridiculous.

"Anthroposemiotics." She mumbled and hesitated, "or Zoosemiotics?"

"I think you do that on purpose." I scowled at her, "Say things like that just because I don't know what they mean."

She giggled at that, sounding child-like and high. Her face almost looked healthy when she laughed, but then her cheeks would fall and an image of death for appear once more.

"By the way," I said holding out my arm for the approaching Ty, flying over to be beside me, "Do you know anything about connecting with Innocence?"

Her eyes went all foggy for a moment and then flashed back into life, "Specifically for you connecting with your Innocence is most likely best brought about by connecting with your soul and essence. I don't know much about bringing upon spiritual enlightenment. Meditation will be your best option. Meditation refers to a family of self-regulation practices that focus on training attention and awareness in order to bring mental processes under greater voluntary control and thereby foster general mental well-being and development and specific capacities such as calm, clarity, and concentration."

"Meditation huh? Like monks? I don't know…" I scratched my head, "I suppose it's worth a shot. I'll try anything to finally get my Innocence to accept me." I saw Lizzy's eyes flash to my knife and with a pang I realized I'm a terrible liar. Oh well. "I don't really know how to meditate though." Lizzy shrugged her shoulders and started mumbling to herself, a song of some sort, or reciting a book she read. I blew air through my nose and stood.

"Is there a place I can go to meditate?" I asked and she nods repeatedly pulling out a slip of paper from her yellow cotton dress. She scrawled a quick map, head bobbing with the words she was reciting and handed it to me, nodding again. I took the paper and blinked, wondering if it's okay just to leave her in my room but I shrugged and left with a short goodbye, taking Ty with me.

I studied the map for awhile before setting off, going vaguely in the direction of the training area. It was relatively easy to follow, mostly because it only consisted of three turns. I reached the entrance of a room blocked by I wide door braced and decorated with religious symbols from around the world. The star of David, a star and crescent, a lotus flower, and thousands of others. In the center though was an angel, like the one painting in the entry way of the Order, holding a cross. I took a breath and gripped the cross, and pulled the door open.

I had expect the room to be empty, but I suppose that was foolish considering the amount of people working at the Order and all the faiths they preached and followed. Inside was completely wooden, with glimmering floors and slightly duller walls. The front of the room held a large cabinet without doors that showed that they were holding several towels, candles, incenses, and large cushions. In the middle of the floor a large purple rug was placed with intricate designs hand sewn in and I stared at it for a moment in awe. The back of the room was raised up slightly about a foot, with the back wall garnished with silk paintings depicting some sort of ritual with flowers and birds. Slightly to the left of the platform, a man sat posed perfectly on a cushion, hands folded in front of him and eyes closed.

I studied him for a long while. At first you might mistake him for a woman, because he had such long raven black hair loosely sewn around his head. Of course looking at his face hard enough, he was definitely male. Though he had delicate features, soft skin and smooth lips and eyelids, the way he held his head and the tightness in various spots across his face revealed him. Not to mention his body was defiantly male. Harsh muscles could be seen easily from his sleeveless shirt, torso solid and hardened with effort and work. Despite the harshness of his body, his pose was delicate, all his body part relaxed and in balance with himself. He sat with his feet intertwined and back and head slightly bent forward. His arms were relaxed lightly at his hip, hands coming together with fingers pressing lightly against their counterpart. It formed sort of a triangle at his waist.

I shooed Ty off of my arm before entering the room, weary that bird probably wouldn't be welcomed and I stepped in lightly. I took off my shoes, remembering something about it being respectful and walked over to the cabinet. I took out a cushion and placed it awkwardly under my arm and glanced at the man still sitting there. He was sort of beautiful.

I wearily approached the raised portion of the room and placed my cushion opposite of his, slightly to the right. I stepped up plopping myself down on the cushion and snuck a glance at the man. I tried matching his position, twisting my legs and pressing my fingers together until I felt balanced, a skill I had developed from training with Allen. I let out the air in my lungs and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes.

I didn't quite understand what I was supposed to be doing. To be honest I felt terribly foolish, but I also felt like that during fight training. Meditation wasn't a bad idea and it was worth a good attempt on my part. Still…

I relaxed myself and made myself forget about all of that, made myself let go of all of the issues constantly swarming my head.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I felt myself become lighter. Not in my lungs or head but in my very flesh. Starting at my fingers and toes, to my wrists and ankles, to my arms and legs, and finally reaching my torso and head. A numbness that was neither warm nor cold sank in my body. I'm not sure if it was pleasant, because no emotion could penetrate the lack or feeling inside of me. It was dark and empty, like my whole being became an abyss, lacking of all.

I felt myself thrash a bit before settling into the dim misty place, possibly frightened of the weigh pressing down on myself, causing my lungs to strain, but not painfully. The air was thin, but also thick at the same time. Solid and liquid. Forever changing around my body. I tried breathing it in and found it soaked into my tongue like water to a sponge and it caked the inside of my lungs. This place was strange.

I tried to think but found I couldn't. No coherent words surfaced into my mind, only passing observations of an imagined world. I tried moving and found I couldn't. Instead I released my thoughts and wanderings forward, leaving myself behind to sink into the numbness. I left my center of being behind but I could not wander far. Like a music note held by a singer, the farther I drifted on, the less breath I had to continue. Soon my note dropped off completely and I returned to myself sinking into nothingness.

I might have pulled myself out had I any thought but I knew only the contentedness of nothing and I didn't resist as it pulled me down.

Down…

Everything snapped back at once with a loud gasp like a dying man, and hands flailing around clawing at anything that got too near. I cried out in relief, realization of the oblivion that I was about to willing face dawning on me. Dread instantly filled me and I was shaking violently, lying back looking at the wood ceiling. My heart pounded like stallions racing across an endless world and I was sweating to the point of being soaked.

I laughed. I laughed loudly, showering the room with it and making it echo against the polished wood and the purple decorations. I laughed until my stomach curled in over itself and my side ached. I laughed until, tears leaked from my eyes and my chest hurt with the effort to laugh. Because laughing is easier than crying.

I realized awhile after that the man that had been meditating with me previously was nowhere to be found. He must have left while I was in my trance. Pity, I wanted to talk to him. Though, I guess it was better for me to be alone when I go off on my emotion outbursts. For a moment I almost expect Joseph to be sitting in a corner ready to tease me but of course he isn't.

I stood shakily and I tripped off of the platform and managed to twist my ankle. I laughed getting to my feet and limping over to the door.

I leaned my forward against the cold wood. The icy chill ran through my body, relieving it of its numbness and I sighed in thankfulness. I didn't learn to control my innocence. But, it wasn't like I had tried all to hard once I got to where I need to be. Once there I was mindless, drifting into nothing. I bit my lip, not like the idea but I had to consider it. Is that the place my innocence resided? Could I reach it from there.

Which meant I would have to go back and try.

Which meant I would be lost in the darkness again.

I laughed too loudly and exited the room quickly, trying to beat down the shaking in my legs.


	17. A Simple Day

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 17

My fists beat rhythmically against the body of the sack dummy in the training area. Allen wasn't available today, off on a mission I guessed, and I was alone. I counted my hits as I lashed out against the dummy watching the wavering fabric with each impact. I remembered the punch Allen had thrown that had sent the dummy flying. My own seemed feeble in comparison.

I sucked in a chest full of air and pulled back. I bounced on my feet for a second and started kicking at the dummy. I bit my lip, focusing all my energy on speed, bringing my feet up to meet the body as fast as possible. Sweat rolled down my face, dripping off my chin and trails of salt and water ran down my back. My lungs and muscles burned with the familiar ache of training. When did this start feeling so good?

After an hour is stopped my efforts, balled my fist together and threw myself at the dummy. It rocked harshly and nearly tipped over but it simply rolled back. I huffed and collapsed on the floor, grapping at my towel and wiping the sweat off my body. I took a few swigs of water and sighed. I scratched my nose and blinked lazily. Procrastination at its best.

I stood pulling at my shorts to readjust them and I strolled away from the arena. Physical training was taxing, draining my energy and my stomach relentlessly. Every practice left me sore, exhausted, starving, and uncomfortable. Which is hard in a way, but in hindsight simple. It's all so direct, and all you truly need to have to improve is determination and persistence. Sooner or later, improvement will be seen.

Meditation on the other hand, was an entirely different story. Weeks, I had been doing it for weeks yet I still ended up with the same result. Left gasping like I may never breathe again, clawing at anything and everything, crying and laughing. Not once had I connected with my innocence, and every time I wake right before succumbing to my nothingness. I didn't understand why I was so helpless inside my mind. Shouldn't that be the place I'm the strongest?

I grabbed dinner in the cafeteria, and carried away the sandwiches on a cart, wheeling it towards a table. I walked slowly to a table at the far end of the room and began eating as slowly as I possibly could. I didn't want to have to go back and try meditation again, but I knew I would eventually. I'm might be a coward, but I've always been head strong like that. Still, the less time I have to meditate the happier I'll be.

I ate for a good hour, kicking my feet and staring around. It was storming outside, ghastly weather with fierce winds and rains. It gave the cafeteria a gloomy look to it, but it also made the mighty chandelier shine brighter and each crystal sparkled individually as if to dispel the darkness. I watched the light shimmer in small iridescent rainbow, casting light around the room and the black windows. Beautiful.

I heard distantly a conversation between Lenalee and an older women Exorcist, Miranda. They were chatting vaguely about something I couldn't quite place but it hardly seemed to matter. During my weeks at the Order Lenalee had tried to get me to open up to the other Exorcists more, or to at least introduce myself to then but I politely declined every time. A coward to the very last. And Lenalee gave up on me for now.

I watched them burst into laughter and for a strange moment I felt inclined to join them, but I quickly snuffed the idea from my thoughts. I doubted they honestly wanted me with them. Still, I'll admit that I had a small longing for that sort of company. Company without insanity both mine and someone else's.

In the corner of my eye a man stepped into the cafeteria and my focus shifted to him. The man from the meditation room. His hair was tied up behind his head, bangs shadowing his face, making his eyes darker. I recognized him now as an Exorcist once I noted his black coat with the intense red trimming embellished with the uniform silver buttons and Black Order rose. At his hip, a sheath connected to his belt holding a thin sword.

I tensed and swallowed down the remainder of my sandwich and stood. The man walked briskly to the front of the cafeteria to retrieve a tray with some sort of soup. I stood awkwardly and tried to build up some sort of courage. Before I could think of some sort of greeting to give, I had been standing there for a good fifteen minutes and he had already gotten through most of his meal. I finally swallowed harshly and stumbled over to him.

"Ah, Hello." I stammered reaching his table. His eyes didn't move from his meal, soba noodles apparently. He simply continued eating without paying me any mind and for a brief moment I thought he was deaf. "Excuse me, but I wanted to ask you something. My name is Sara."

He sighed irritated, "What makes you think that I care?"he sneered at me. I stared at him blankly for a moment, my original perception of him shattered by his attitude. I held back the part of me that felt like snapping at him and took a breath.

"It's not that but um, I wanted to ask you about meditation." He gritted his teeth, putting down a pair of chopsticks and leaning his cheek on a fist, elbow on the table.

"Are you going to get to your point or are you just going to continue to disrupt my dinner?" he glared. Again, I swallowed my pride.

"See I'm trying to connect with my innocence through meditation, but every time I try I can't seem to remember or be able to get to it. I get lost in this emptiness. Since you seemed to know what you were doing I thought you might be able to help me."

He snorted and returned to his meal, "So you're the new Exorcist? We don't need people like you. You'll only get in the way. Go ask someone else for help."

Well, I tried being nice about it. "So I'm guessing you're Kanda." I placed my hand on my waist and tilted my chin, "I thought maybe Allen was wrong but you seem as incompetent as he said. Perhaps he'll know." I turned on my heel and walked away a few paces. I took two steps when a loud clattering came from the table, and I glanced over my shoulder to see him fuming.

"That beansprout doesn't know anything about meditation, he's too dense to be able to concentrate that long."

"And you do know?" I baited him.

"Of course I do, not that I care to teach you." He glared at me, arrogance thick on his tongue. I resisted the urge to throttle him.

"Or is it that you can't teach me? Is that it?" I challenged turning back around. At this point both of our voices had risen considerable and most of the people in the cafeteria had stopped to watch our little drama unfold. I even saw Lenalee and Miranda turn curious eyes towards us.

"I don't have to prove anything to the likes of you."

"You don't have to." He was standing now, away from the table, considerably taller than me but isn't everyone? I stepped closer to him with my arms crossed, "It's just your choice. I only came to you because I thought you'd be the most knowledgeable. Am I wrong?"

We're staring at each other intensely, each waiting for the other to back off but neither of us are moving anytime soon. We've collected quite the audience, our previous voices being considerable loud and now those around us are wondering who going to win the standoff. His eyes were sharp and dark, and that in itself probably would have scared most off, but I wasn't planning on letting him win. Condescending bastard.

"Fine. You'll regret it." He grinned evilly accepting my challenge. "Meet me at nine tomorrow in the morning. If you're late I'm leaving."

"Thanks Kanda." I smiled genuinely and quickly dashed away before he could take it back. I basked in the warmth of victory as I shot from the cafeteria and into the halls. It's the little victories that matter. Besides, now I would have to meditate today.

I slowly my pace and strolled to my room humming a vaguely familiar song. I could still hear the rain playing against the roof in an eerie way, lighting and thunder dancing along in the symphony. In halls torches lit up the doorways and corners. I wondered if the rain would turn to snow, considering how cold it was. The sweet that coated my body previous now gave me an uncomfortable chill.

I reached my room, making one last glance at the window to study the dark ominous clouds and entered my room. Ty greeted me in his loving bird way, chirping from my bed and I stripped from my clothing. I went into the bathroom off my room, turned on the hot water and sat down on the tiled floor, letting the water hit me. It played with my sore muscles for awhile and washed all the grime from my face, salt and dirt running from my body.

I brought a hand to my face and looked at it curiously. They were raw, beaten spotty red. Calluses grew around the edges of my palm, skinned hardened with effort. Nearly all my nails were chipped or broken in some way, not bleeding of course, but awkwardly shaped on my fingers from all the breaks. My feet looked similar. I smiled. My body was becoming a fighter's body.

I turned off the water, dried myself, and put on undergarments. I moved towards a long mirror in the room and looked at myself. My hair was longer, measuring the time I had been at the Order, sweeping father down my shoulders. My body wasn't quite as soft as before, I noticed touching my arms and stomach, they were built now with muscle and strength. I still looked pretty weak though, which is probably closer to the truth.

I pulled on a large white cotton shirt that swung halfway down my thighs and climbed onto my bed. I unlocked the clasps on my bag and took out my leather bound journal. I had nearly filled it completely, I had written so much since arriving at the Order. I open up to the next blank page and wrote.

_February 2__nd__, Night_

_Visited Joseph this morning and had breakfast together. He seemed really tired and extremely attached to his coffee but he never seem like he wasn't listening. Must be really hard in the science department. He should take a break. Also, his hair is starting to grow out some and it's really starting to curl at the ends._

_Allen is gone on a mission I think, with his shadow Link and I believe one of the Bookman. I wonder when he'll get back. He still takes it easy on me during practice but one day I'll make him regret that. Maybe._

_Training went well today, though I twisted my ankle again. It healed faster than normal. Completed the normal training run plus a few laps around the arena. I'm exhausted._

_During dinner I ran into the boy in the meditation room. He's simply a ray of sunshine. Talked him into teaching me about meditation and then ran before he could decide it was beneath him. He doesn't seem like the sort to go back on his word. I guess we'll see tomorrow._

_Got to skip meditation! All is well with the world when I don't have to torture myself mentally. _

_I think the Order is really growing on me. I'm sort of glad I'm an Exorcist. It's better than not having a purpose. Sometimes I wonder… I wonder if this is the thing that I was searching for. I may not have "lost" it but I needed to search for it. There was a reason I need to go to London. Was I meant to become an Exorcist?_

_On another note, other than Joseph looking exhausted he seemed a bit melancholy. He said the reason he came here was to learn about the creatures that killed his mother but… what still holds him to the Order? Why is he still here? It doesn't make much sense to me, but when do things ever make sense to me?_

_Not that I want him to go. No, he's my only friend besides Lizzy and maybe Allen but Lizzy is… well Lizzy is Lizzy and Joseph is the only person to accept me completely for all my faults and virtues. He's really important… not like THAT of course. No, I don't have the gall to even think… You know what, never mind. _

…_I wonder what my Innocence is really like. So far everything I've done with Innocence has either been an involuntary action or an accident. It's all so strange. Healing and shape shifting… I'm actually sort of scared of it all. I mean, it's my body. I don't like the fact that it can… change. Maybe it'll be better if I can control it, and use it on will. I don't understand why it's so hard though._

_Why does my Innocence not want me to control it?_

I stopped my pen and sighed. I closed the book slowly and pressed my forehead into the leather, glancing at my bird companion. "Why can't I control it Ty?"

The bird locked eyes with me, cooing softly as if to answer. I smiled at him lovingly. "Sometimes I really wonder about you. Normal birds can't do that can they, understand people like that?" I reached out to his and stroked his feathers. He sang again in pleasure, "Are you magic or something?"

That night I studied from a book Joseph had given me, detailing on information about Akuma. Things like levels and specific powers each have. They explained and explored information about Akuma and Noah and possible theories about them. I finished the book several hours later, knowing only a little more fact than I already did. I tossed the book to the side, bored out of my mind and pulled my sheets over my body to block out the remaining light in my room. Drowsiness consumed me quickly, and I fell asleep thinking of Kanda and what I might find for myself tomorrow.

* * *

><p><strong><em>LeaveWithoutATear: <em>**_Honestly a really bad chapter and I apoligize for that. I needed a sort of filler chapter to extend Sara's training arch. Anyway THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I appreciate, read, and keep every review/alert/favorite i get and i love everyone you has taken the time to write to me. I have a DeviantArt account too and i've drawn my three main OC's in this, if you're curious check it out! Just look up LeaveWithoutATear at Deviantart!_


	18. Clarity

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 18

I screamed louder than I ever had before.

One of the gut churning, panic inducing screams that one can only respond with by screaming themselves from fear and surprise. One that came from deep within my stomach, and contorted my body in horrible bone crushing ways. Boiling my blood and sending adrenaline throughout every inch of my body. Screaming filled with fear, desperation, and absolute grief. An agonizing noise from the center of my very being.

A true dream. I never had normal dreams before, color and sound yes, but never scenes or things that mimic reality. I've never experienced something that I truly believed to be reality when in fact it was all an illusion my mind conjured up. I had never known dreams about things I care about. So, that's what made it all the more terrifying. I believed every second of it.

The dream had started with me waking up in a field, greatly confused as to how I got there but not really caring all too much. It was so beautiful. Rich glorious golden flowers bloomed across a field; over rolling hills that ran farther than I could see. The sun shone brightly showering the scene with drops of sunlight, literally suspended in the air like rain frozen in time. My mouth tasted like honey, sickly sweet and overpowering but comforting. The air was warm and swept around me but didn't ruffle my hair or my white silky dress. A chorus sang somewhere in the distance so the air had a vague sense of music in it.

I walked through the field, shifting my feet around the flowers as to not crush their beauty. The ground was soft, dirt so fine it was nearly powder, and damp like dew had fallen. I hummed the song the chorus sang, because I felt I knew it from somewhere, and drifted in the general direction of the music. If I was going to go anywhere, why not the singing people?

A blaring heat erupted behind me and the flowers burst into flame. I spun around, smoke catching in my throat, and cried out when I saw the metal lion Akuma standing not twenty feet from me. It roared with laughter and charged at me flames burning brighter than I thought possible and I fell to my knees with my arms up in defense. It leapt over me, the flames from the lion and the flowers catching my dress on fire in the process, and landed behind me roaring in pleasure. I turned to look at him and saw a figure running from him, a boy that seemed my age, with such dark features I couldn't quite make out his face.

He was running, yet doing some strange shuffle to keep his body face the lion, his arms waving frantically and shouting something I could quite hear. I stumbled to my feet, swatting randomly at my burning clothing, not doing much to put out the flames. I gave up, and ran toward the figure, screaming at him to run, to run from the lion before it reached him.

Be time was confused. My feet moved too slowly and the lion way too fast, for it got within arm's reach of the boy before I even took five steps. Painful screams ripped from the boy and intense sharp pain burn in my eyes and the back of my throat. The whole field burst into flame now, magnificent color came forth, the normal colors or orange and yellow but also colors I've never seen burn before. Bright greens and blues coiled around my ankles and wrapped around my wrist, like chains pulling me to my knees onto the ground. I watched the lion tear the boy to pieces in front of me, closer now than it seemed before, so much so the blood splattered on my face and dripped into my mouth. The boy's dismembered flesh burst into suffocating black smoke, forming a massive raven in the air that soared into a blood red sky and cried.

The lion turned towards me, face changed now into a girl. Her face was round and scarlet, her flesh so human and real, eyes teary and hair ragged with the tragedy she has faced.

"Sara. Why aren't you saving me?" she gargled black liquid running across her lips. The tar seeped down, dripping to the ground shattering it like glass and I fell into darkness.

So cold. My bones ached with the cold. It felt like my flesh fell from them, my source of form and order and I could only let the darkness take hold of me. I exhaled and all the air in my body was released in a smoky breath. I hit the ground unmoving. All my essence was leaving me, leaving only the pathetic body of mine and my worthless, worthless being.

Joseph was there now standing in front of me, red hands outstretched dripping, and head hanging in shame. He parted his lips and words, physical letters, danced from his lips and floated around the darkness red with sin and lies. His crying eyes begged me for something. Something I didn't have to give.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. His face peeled away like a mask revealing a stranger and then he vanished all together and in his place Lizzy stood blade in her hand, eyes wild.

"YOU PROMISED!" She screamed thrusting the knife into her heart and falling to her knees. I scrambled to her and she turn to dust at my touch.

Now they were all surrounding me, Joseph, Sara, and everyone at the Order. All looming over me staring coldly, eyes black with apathy. I was sinking it to the ground, screaming, pleading for someone to save me be the all simply stared and let me fall. I screamed as the black darkness ran into my mouth and across my eyes and my last vision of my friends slipped away.

I panted in my bed, vague light streaming through the window. I stood shakily, gripped the sheet around my figure and groping the wall for the light switch. I flicked it on and was washed with stale light from the ceiling fixture. I slide to the ground and pressed my forehead to the wall, feeling the blessed chill of it on my sweaty body.

A dream. It was a dream. Oh God have mercy on me, I wish it was only a dream. My chest let out a sob and my body ached with it. I curled into my sheets on the floor, huddled by the wall, and stared at the light. I sat for hours, terrified the light might go out, and I left in the dark. But it didn't and the day arrived without fail and I stood.

A dream. I rubbed my puffy eyes and sniffed. I let the sheet fall and striped from my clothing like I had every day. I dressed in training clothes as I had every day. I washed my face like I had every day. I looked into the mirror. I looked like death. Had I looked like this yesterday? Probably.

I coughed violently and gripped the counter of the bathroom. Just a dream. I vomit. Just a dream. I rinsed my mouth and stalk from the room, forsaking thought from my mind and only focus on my feet reaching the floor.

I made my way through the halls, not gaining any strange or worried stares from those wandering by me, as always. I stumbled and retched and braced myself against walls and finally I had to stop and gather myself. Only a dream. Get yourself together, it's not true. Don't fall apart because you saw something scary. Concentrate. Live in reality.

It helps, but only a little.

Enough though that I start moving again, steadily down the hall to Kanda.I find him with his arms crossed, scowling at the floor, full of impatience. I try and present myself as undisturbed as I walk up and greet him but he doesn't miss anything.

"You look terrible." He said bluntly.

"Aren't you charming?" I said sarcastically, voice scratchier than I'd like it to be.

"What happened to you?" he sort of sneered at me.

"…Nightmares." I said honestly, slightly curious to how he might react. He held my gaze for a moment and turned entering the meditation room.

"Get over yourself." He said without empathy. I sighed and followed him in. Are all Exorcists like him? No, Allen isn't like this nor is Lenalee. Maybe they were a special case.

I shyly rub my arm. I had had confidence going into this, convincing Kanda to agree, but he was a true Exorcist and I'm not. He was beyond me in every aspect, better and stronger. He didn't have to do this and I didn't deserve it. I was wasting his time.

I shook my head and beat away my thoughts. Unproductive. I set up the meditation equipment from the cabinet, grabbing all of the objects I had seen him using and stood in front of Kanda waiting.

"Well, sit down." He said as if it was obvious. I sniffed and sat down on the cushion on the floor folding my legs as I had seen him do. He shook his head and repositioned my legs properly and straightened my back and stiffly rolled my shoulders back. "Focus on balancing your spinal column." He said, not in an antagonistic way but in an airy sort of way, like he was relaxing into his element. He showed me how to hold my hands and I mimicked him, smiling at the way my body felt. I did feel more balanced and comfortable with myself this way.

"Now." He said collecting his own cushion and setting up next to me. He climbed into position effortlessly and closed his eyes. "Empty yourself of worldly things. Your presence of body and things that bind you to the physical realm simply let them fade away." He said softly, focusing himself. Problem was I didn't exactly know what that meant.

"Uh, I just forget my body is here?" I asked confused, wondering if what I did before was truly what I was supposed to be doing.

He sighed irritated, "Idiot. You're not supposed to be forcing it like that. You accept yourself and allow it not to be your center of being. Separate yourself from the physical."

"Mmm." I hummed and took a breath. Separate myself from the physical. I internally sighed and closed my eyes.

"Once you've separated your spirit from the body, don't lose yourself in the numbness. Find your connection to the physical and use it as a life line." Again, that didn't make any sense but I let it go. His voice drifted into silence and I was left in darkness. I relaxed and let my thoughts wander. I thought of the breakfast I skipped. I thought of Ty who was missing from my room when I woke up. I thought of Kanda and if he had any friends. They were probably Exorcists like him, because I couldn't image anyone of a lesser status putting up with his condescending attitude all the time.

I felt warm and my body prattled on about everything and nothing. I thought consciously of nothing and only saw the darkness in front of me, letting time pass without knowledge of it.

I was awoken by a sharp pain in my temple, "OW!" I managed to whine.

"If you weren't going to be serious about this why did you even think that it would be wise to bother me? I have far greater things to do than to sit here and watch you nap." Kanda snapped at me.

"I was asleep?" I slurred stupidly.

"Yes, princess." He mocked, "With all your talk the other day, I thought you might be fit to last a month or two as an Exorcist. But I figure you won't last your first mission."

I puffed up my chest and meet his eyes dead on, "And why is that?"

"Because you're weak." He said. And at first I thought he meant physically, but as I stared at him I knew that wasn't it. He didn't mean physically. So I guess things like that hurt more when they're true.

"Tell me again," I murmured, "how to connect." And after a long moment of silence I breathed, "Please."

He took a breath through his nose, considered the door as if the option of leaving only just occurred to him and reluctantly sat back onto his cushion.

"Since you don't seem to understand me, I'll use smaller words. Every day a person feels a multitude of various emotions. Most are mundane and generally pointless. But each stacks a new layer of baggage onto your mind. Your everyday encounters leave a mark on your being no matter the experience. The point is to relieve yourself of things that are irrelevant so you can achieve a greater understanding of the relevant things." He explained and I nodded, finally following along.

"You're not trying to forget that you exist. You're trying to let go of the part of yourself that deters you from your purpose."

"My purpose?"

"You could say the reason you want to connect to your innocence in the first place. Remove yourself from feeling, present feeling, next. Cast away the knowledge of the floor beneath you and the air around you. Let yourself consist entirely of your purpose and that in which is relevant. Understand this time?"

"Yes, I understand." I mumbled rubbing the back of my neck. And here I thought I could ignore it. Here I thought that the block I had during my training with Allen wouldn't be the thing making this so impossible. I had a drive, a purpose of sorts. To help Akuma who are so in pain. But that same unknown selfishness that I couldn't understand taunted me. The same thing Allen has chastised me for was the thing that held me back now.

Damn.

I closed my eyes. I focused my thoughts to the emotions that I felt important. My affections for my friends. My fear of the Exorcists. My resentment of the Order. My hope for the future. My apathy of the past. My emptiness. I held them close to me and felt them all. Prodding and touching them like they were strange. And smoother than before, I was consumed by these emotions. I felt my presence of body slip smoothly away and I let myself be taken swirling through my raw emotion, my heart throbbing to each.

It was like stripping me of my clothes and skin. The dirt and the grim falling away to revel my insides. My fragile self separating from my stress and strife becoming me. Because when it all comes down to it, this is me. My emotion makes me who I am. My love, fear, and longing makes me who I am.

At some point in my moments of complete wonder and heightened sense of awareness, I remembered why I was doing this in the first place. I held within myself my desire to save Akuma, images of the people I've meet through my travels flashing through my mind. The men and women that cried at me to save them and my wish to take their hand. I breathed my longing.

I felt warm. I felt the warmth of my Innocence. It swirled and buckled and broke around me. Songs in languages I didn't understand, words spoken in tongues I didn't know, colors so extraordinary I had never seen, warmth in the form of comfort I had never felt, and power brimming around me.

I opened my eyes, breath stifling a bit and steadied myself. I turned my hands around in front of my face, watching them glow faintly blue and then dim back into the fleshy pink color of flesh. I flashed a glance at Kanda who had moved from his place next to me towards the doors working on filling out some paper work. He noticed my movement and looked up from his work.

"Finally." He muttered standing up and tucking his work under his arm, "About time Princess."

"What do you mean?" I coughed at my scratchy voice.

"You've been sitting there for more the three hours." He glared, "Do you think I have all day to babysit you?"

"You could have left." I mumbled, still reeling from the experience I just had.

He breathed heavily from irritation and made for the door. I stumbled to my feet and called out, "Hey!" He stopped walking and waited.

"Thank you Kanda. You really helped me." He stood there for a moment more, as if waiting to see if I'd say anything else and then left leaving me alone.

Three hours. So I guess it didn't work as great as I thought. I can't sit and mediate for three hours during battle. I'd have to find a way to shorten that time and fine a way to use my innocence to my advantage. I pursed my lips. Nothing comes easily for me. Nothing. I have to work and push and fight for it. I'm not naturally talented at anything. My talents come from pure struggle. So why would this be any different?

I snorted with dark humor and cleaned up the room, stuffing the used cushion into the cabinet. I smiled thinking about meeting up with Joseph and telling him about how I connected with my Innocence. Knowing him he'd probably hug me. But, I didn't mind so much anymore.


	19. Recognition

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 19

Winter was ending to my dread. The cold was rolling off and warm air was wafting through the trees. Flowers were beginning to bloom again and the once gray trees sprouted their buds. Color was seeping back into the world, but with it came the raging heat I'd have to suffer through. I sighed into my coat, knowing it may be the last time I'd be able to wear it for awhile.

Today marked my fifth month at the Order, and I marveled at the fact that in a month I would have stayed here for a half of a year. The days I got to train with Allen grew few and far apart, but I manage to continue to improve on my own. Some days I'd be off on my own but others I'd coerce Emmet into fighting with me. It felt nice to be able to punch him in the face. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. And when I did get to battle Allen, it still took longer and longer for him to pin me.

I meditate on my own, give or take a few times I've met Kanda in the room by coincidence. I began bringing a clock with me into the meditation room to time myself with the meditation, though it's difficult to gauge time once you're past the point of feeling physically. Sometimes I open my eyes and an hour has passed, other times six hours. It is so inconstant, and unpredictable. Though I've finally began to learn the feel and touch of the innocence within me. Too bad I can't use it for anything truly productive.

Presently I was leaning against a concrete wall, legs crossed and hands full of ham sandwich made by the brilliant Jerry. The wind blew briskly on the roof and kicked up my loose hair and flung it around playfully and Ty swept through the breeze. He cried in the pleasure of the feeling of stretching his wings and soaring in the open air. I smiled at him, kicking out my feet and sighing.

I heard footsteps behind me and the pleasant voice of Joseph greeted me. He took the last step of the stairs in stride and landed with a solid thump and trotted his way to where I sat. We had started meeting here for lunch months ago, both finding the winter air to be a nice change from the stale air of the Order. We would sit and eat, tell stories or joke, and generally be human. I would stop my ever constant training and he would sneak away from his ever growing pile of work and come here.

It was nice to say the least. Friendship had always been this very awkward concept. I don't willingly open myself up so completely to people, so during traveling I had people I liked but I could never talk to them as casually as I do Joseph. I'm not sure what was different about Joseph; maybe it was the way he seemed to understand me. He saw through my raging temper and my moodiness and knew the things I couldn't quite express.

And of course Lizzy was my friend but it wasn't quite the same with her. She was smart and nice and sweet, but rarely did she smile. Rarely did she fill me with the same happiness that Joseph did. Still I loved her to death despite her insanity.

Joseph's laugh rang out across the roof and I shoot him a kick at his side for the joke about my excessive training that's "trying to compensate for something". He grabbed my foot and started to drag me across the roof, and with a yelp I started sliding. I squirmed and laughed and Joseph grinned wildly and tripped falling backwards into a box and we both started hysterically laughing. Joseph was a good friend.

"So Ms. Fantastic Exorcist of Magic and Glory, have you gotten your first mission from Komui?" Joseph said tackle hugging me playfully as I tried controlling my breathing from laughing too hard.

"If my mission is to continue to stare at walls and hit things, then yes, and I'm doing quite well." I said hugging him back and then sitting back against the wall. He joined me good naturedly, arm casually leaning against mine. I bumped his away slightly.

"When do you suppose he's going to send you out?" he bumped me back.

I dug my elbow into his side, "Don't know. I haven't really talked to Komui recently. You know how busy the science section has been lately, plus I hardly see the Exorcists around anymore. It's so ominous."

"Ominous?" he asked, sending an elbow back but hitting a ticklish spot against my rib cage. I flinched away with laughter and pushed him with my hands. He tumbled to his side but caught himself grinning.

"Just a feeling." I said my voice growing darker, "It feels like things are just getting very tense. Especially when Allen's around. It's like everyone is expecting him to turn into a Noah at random."

"Well he might." Joseph mused, "He seems like a good guy but I'd beat he knows just as much about what's happening to him as we do. I'd figure he's scared himself."

"I don't think he can afford to be scared." I murmured, "Sandwich?" I offered taking one from the pile of wrapped delights Jerry had made for me. He accepted the sandwich and we ate and chatted about this and that. About how he was becoming less of an assistant and more of a person with status. About Lizzy who was convinced Ty could understand everything she said. About Komui and how he accidentally spilt a bit of an experiment into his assistant's drink and turned her hair purple.

And at some point we sank into silence. Just letting the breeze make our faces pink and cloud his glasses. Letting Ty sing with the rustling of the water and trees. He held my hand, like he always did, and I thought about how extraordinary it was that this all would never have had happen had Chris never taken my Journal. Had that child not desired simple paper to amuse himself with I'd have never met Joseph. I'd have never run into the level two Akuma. I'd have never met Roxanna or Emmet. I'd have never known of the Black Order. I'd never have become an Exorcist, met Lizzy, fought Allen, learned from Kanda, or ever even known proper friendship.

And despite my fears and discontent with the Order and the other Exorcist, this was my home. This place, that I've cried, screamed, laughed, and hugged in, was the closest thing to a home I'd ever had. And maybe this would last. Maybe I could do this forever. Be an Exorcist and have friends. Maybe that was okay.

When the sky began to darken Joseph left merrily and I followed behind shortly after, picking up my many sandwich wrappers. I took the long descent down the stairs in stride, assuming Ty would follow me when he was so content to, and headed toward the meditation room.


	20. The True Begining

The Devil's Innocent Soul: 20

I took the punch to my stomach, letting it go straight into my diaphragm, nearly crushing my lungs. I gasped in shock, but forced my spine not to collapse into its self. I dropped to the floor and took a drive at Allen's legs, catching him on his retreat and sending him crashing down. I snapped into a crouch and loomed over his fallen body, punching at his torso with all my weight. He gritted his teeth, grabbing at my wrists and flipped me to the ground and wrestled me into an arm lock. I relaxed my body to his surprise and reflexively he relaxed himself, and I wrenched my arm from his weakened grip and swept to my feet. Spinning around I pulled my arms up just in time to block his punch to my chest and then it was all about speed. Punch with my right, blocked, block his left, punch with my left, blocked, block his right, duck and punch at his center. Recoil.

He twisted his body and gripped my shoulder, snapping up his hips landing a knee right on my rib cage. I gasped stunned and he twisted around again and sent his knee into my side. I collapsed with the momentum and went for his legs again but with the ache in my side I crumpled to the ground with a shrill whine. He stepped over me, aiming a fist at my back and I rolled away leaving the ground to take the punch for me. The hard dirt tore his knuckles apart but he seemed oblivious to the pain and came relentlessly after me. I stumbled to my sore feet grinning.

It might have taken awhile, but he was finally fighting me seriously. He wasn't pulling his punches because I was a girl or he saw me as weak. He was fighting me like an equal. He was merciless with bone crushing blows, possibly because he now knew whatever damage he did would heal by the end of the day. Whatever the reason, the intense, passionate fear I felt as he came after me was fantastic.

He stood, chest heaving more evenly than mine and our combined sweat mixing with the blood from his knuckles dripping from his skin. I ached, my breath was painful, like a hiss through my teeth and I was sure to be bleeding too. Regardless I leapt at him with a flurry of punches that he dodged, blocked, or took with a grunt. He dove under my arm wrapping his arms around my chest and lift me up and in one swift move I flew through the air and was slammed into the ground. My head cracked against the ground, turning the world into a mess of blurring colors and a soft ringing noise. I felt his body pulling my arms behind my back and my face was buried into the ground. The world returned to me and I felt the stabbing pain of him pulling at the tendons in my arms.

"Uncle." I moaned and he instantly released me and pulled himself of my back. I moaned again louder, and rolled over. Allen sat next to me reclined on the ground panting with a dazed look in his eyes. "I didn't know you could flip people."

He smirked lights dancing in his foggy blue irises, "Learned it from that jerk Kanda. Seems the only thing he's useful for." His gentlemanly composer returned to him and concern spread over his face, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I stretched out my body and winced. My ribs were definitely cracked if not broken. Would I need to go to the medics for that?

A sharp noise at the other end of the training arena make my heart leap. I twisted my neck around and saw the vague figure of a man in a white coat approaching. The noise, as it turned out, was clapping and the man was Komui.

"That was astonishing." Komui said with wide eyes and a playful look on his face. He was wearing his usual uniform coat over his light blue sweater and slippers. His glasses shined in the light along with his curling black hair. I gave him a small smile as he approached.

"You've made some impressive progress from your physical." I blushed at the memory. He grinned at Allen, "Seems you're going to be in trouble soon."

"No!" I protested instantly, "Allen would never lose. Even if he ran out of strength God himself would come down and beat his enemies!" I cried out exasperated.

"You think too much of me." Allen said half laughing, than looked to Komui, "She'd be lethal if she could just figure out what's holding her back. Regardless of her block she has one powerful punch."

"Indeed." Komui murmured nodding. "What do you think Sara?"

"About what?" I huffed.

"What do think about your progress so far?"

I thought for a moment, "I've… tried really hard. I don't think I'll ever reach the level of the Exorcists here but I think I'm already stronger than I ever thought possible. Right now I feel like I could do anything."

"Good." Komui said smiling, "I've assigned you to your first mission, and you leave tomorrow."

A blankness followed his words and then I burst forth all at once. I rolled over and scramble to me knees to address him. "Are you serious?!"

"Completely. Now here's your mission report, and tomorrow I'll give you your mission briefing. You're welcome to look through those papers as much as you'd like. Normally, especially on first missions, we like to send exorcists off as pairs or groups but with all the activity lately we've had to spread are resources thin unless it's very important. But this mission should be easy enough on your own and the Finders will be able to help you." He handed me a manila folder full of various crisp pages. "I've got to go before they find me but please come to my office tomorrow morning. You leave at noon. Bye-Bye." And he was off to do whatever Komuis do when they aren't working.

I blinked, clutching the folder and turned to Allen. He was smiling brightly, affection clear in his eyes and I matched his smile, "You've done it." He said and I tackled him, hugging him tightly against myself and he embraced me back.

I wondered if maybe in my old life, I had a brother. One that would play with me and encourage me and help me reach the things I set out to do. Maybe I had a brother like Allen. And with the thought came the shy desire to be wanted as a sister. But I laughed in a puff of breath at the foolish wish.

I pulled away from him, excitement building in my chest, "Thank you Allen." I got to my feet shakily, "Thank you or sticking with me."

He smiled politely, but also tenderly, "In all honesty it was fun. I'd like to see you go up against some of the other Exorcists."

"Like Lavi?"

"Not Lavi."

"Wha… Why?" I stammered.

"Something tells me he'd enjoy himself too much." He sighed and got to his feet. "Anyway, Link's been prowling around this arena for so long I'm sure he's made a rut. I'll be going now. Congratulations on your mission. Good luck tomorrow."

"Bye, and thank so much." This time he seemed embarrassed at my thanks and he waved, departing to meet back up with his shadow. I gripped the folder in my hands and my happiness boiling out of me and I danced on my toes for a moment. A mission. An actual mission to do actual work. To save people. To save Akuma. A mission.

I was going to be an Exorcist.

I sprinted from the arena, leaving behind my towel and water, ignoring the aching pains in my body. I pushed with all the power in my legs, dodging through the trickling crowds of workers and getting more excited with every pump of my legs. I skidded and fell once I reached the science division and quickly scrambled to my feet, ignoring the amused stares of the scientists looking up from their work.

I carefully danced through mountains of paper work and ended up colliding with Joseph's desk, arms knocking over an impressively large stack of book onto the floor. I let out a gargled sort of shout and pounced to the floor collected up the books.

"Sara?" Joseph stared at me bemused from his chair.

"Hulloo!" I said a stupid grin impossibly large on my face, arms awkwardly full of books.

"Sara you're bleeding." He blinked reaching a hand to my forehead.

"Am I?" I laughed, "Thought I might be but that doesn't matter anyway."

"…doesn't matter right now…" he echoed a bit exasperated then gave a quirky grin, "Might as well spill whatever news you have, hold it in any longer and your head might explode."

"Look!" I thrusted the manila folder onto his lap. "A mission!"

He blinked surprised and quickly opened the folder, he inspected the first page for a long moment and then the second and third and by the fourth I was dying to know what he was thinking. He looked up, and I was stunned to see his expression severely guarded. My excitement vanished and I sat on the floor waiting for his words.

"They're sending you alone."

"Yea." I nodded, "Komui said he could afford to spare any of the Exorcists, but he also told me it was a simple mission so it wouldn't be a problem."

"…" he was quiet, looking blankly at the folder. It was strange for him to act like this. Strange for him not to say whatever he was thinking. Strange for him to look so…

"Joseph?" I asked ,"Hey, this is a good thing remember?" And as quick as I said it, the darkness in his face vanished and he was back to himself. He closed the folder smiling.

"Hm?" He hummed as if he hadn't heard me before, "Komui said that huh? It'll be fine then. You finally get to go kick some ass." I smiled a bit at that but I felt uneasy. He caught my unenthusiastic expression. "You don't seem so happy about it though."

"Huh?"

"Nope." He pretended to think about something, "Looks like I'll have to tell Komui you don't want the mission. I'll tell him to push it bad a few weeks or months."

I glared, "You wouldn't dare."

"Would I?" he grinned evilly.

I pounced up snatching at the folder and Joseph just as quickly ripped it away raising it above his head laughing. I stretched for it, nearly climbing on top of him giggling along with him. Damn his arms were long. I wrestled the folder from his grip and fell off his chair and landed clattering into the fallen books. He snorted at my flailing, "Dork."

"Jerk." I smiled happily, the weirdness from before completely passed. I stood, not bothering to fix myself knowing it would be futile with such filthy clothes, and Joseph rose with me.

He hugged me with that all so familiar Joseph-like embrace and chuckled, "Good luck tomorrow Ms. Fantastic Exorcist of Magic and Glory."

I flushed and smile regardless of how goofy it must have looked. "Thanks."

"Don't lose an arm."

"What?"

"It's good advice." Joseph nodded as he hugged me and I laughed into his shirt.


	21. important:

**LeaveWithoutATear: So here's the deal.**

I'll spare you my life story but I no longer have the time to write anything weekly/biweekly for TDIS. I have so much work I need to do, so much else I need to think about, so many obligations I've taken up that even if I were to continue to post as I have, my chapters would probably be really terrible.

In truth I've felt that my story so far has already began to decline. Sloppy lazy writing, awkward interactions between characters, concepts and points aren't getting across. It was never very good pretty writing to begin with but now it's just dull. Just a bad story all the way around. I hardly edit and revise anymore because once I'm finished with a chapter I'm just so tired with it and unsatisfied with what it is I post it and look away. I reread earlier chapters and find both things I really like and things I really don't like. Ideas I started to develop and then just dropped out of thin air. Really poor writing.

SO. I'm going to, temporarily, stop updating this story. When and if I have time, and I feel like writing, I will come back and rewrite this entire thing. I will finish it and then comeback and post the finished story, completely revised and edited in installments. When I might be finished… I really don't know. Maybe a few months? Not more than a year.

So, to those who have favorite, and alerted both my page and this story. Thank you so much. I probably wouldn't have made it past chapter five without it so thank you. Honestly

To those who have reviewed my chapters, an extra hug to you. Regardless of what it says, having someone react to things I have written is a heartwarming experience.

Also an apology to FollieofMadness. I get the joke now and I'm seriously face-palming over how dense I am. I didn't reply sooner because fanfiction deactivated the connection to their mailing system and my email so I didn't get it. Also, thanks for all the past reviews. They always made my day.

I actually had started on chapter 21 but I never finished it and its just mindless dripple right now. If you're interested I'll post it under here.

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><p>If I ever claim to be a good leader, would someone please shot me and relieve me of my hallucinating misery?<p>

That was the role I was supposed to play though. Because here I was standing in front of a team of Finders, eyes trained on me. Sizing me up. Seeing who the new Exorcist who was going to join them on their mission really was. Sadly, the short scrawny dirty blonde girl quivering beat red in front of them was probably not the beckon of hope in their eyes.

I bit my lip, closed my eyes and took the long breaths of mediator. Maybe if I could just act like I wasn't a complete coward I might be able to forge some remote piece of confidence deep within me. After a moment, I gave up on the thought. Worth a shot anyway.

Instead I recalled Komui's words from this morning in my head.

"You'll be transferred to a place in the Romanian country side called Motru. It's located in the valley of the Bihor Mountains."

And through some miracle of science, or more than likely magic, I would be getting there through the very convenient Arch Allen so successfully high jacked. Point for Exorcists.

"Rumors have circulated around this area for some time. Strange disappearances in the surrounding forests and the nightly arrival of strange noise leaking out from the trees have the people in the small village at edge. Of the disappearances there have been mostly children from age seven to eighteen. We probably wouldn't have called it the work of innocence if it had not been for the bird.

It is told that a bird flies through the night singing to the children to hypnotize them into going into the forest to be eaten but a witch thought to come from the bird in heritage. A Strix and a Striga. A owl and a vampire witch."

Brilliant. If a vampire or a witch weren't enough already reality forced them together just for the heck of it.

"Please ask the finders questions and talk with them if you need help. They are there for your protection as well as the protection of the town's people and the innocence. They are there to be of assistance to you. So don't be shy and speak with them."

Easy for him to say. The finders knew what they were doing. They were older and wiser than me, and obviously fit for this unlike myself. In all probability I was going to a hindrance to them. Sweet, sweet optimism.

"Now, remember to be careful. I understand you have relatively good control over the will power of low level Akuma. We believe it's because your innocence radiates from your body and effects the Akuma's dark matter before a fight even ensues. Regardless, higher level Akuma will not be as affected by this phenomenon. Don't let your guard down."

The large grotesque scar plaguing Joseph's face served as a good enough reinforcement of his words. A constant reminder of what my mistakes could cause. It was on this cheery note I was handed my Exorcists uniform.

It was from the same sleek black material as the other uniforms, decorated with the same silver pendants and emblems. Stitched with silver thread with metallic chains hanging from the chest to the straps on the shoulders, it gleamed with freshness. Lined with red I followed the folds to the bicep were the fabric spilt away. Upon seeing my curious look, a scientist with round glasses and bristly brown hair smiled at me.

"They're the detachable." The man known as Johnny said pulling the fabrics apart in example, "The sleeves, the pant legs, and the lower torso. They can be taken off if you need to."

"Why would I need to?"

He blinked, "Well, your Innocence is in your body correct, well at least the effects can be found on your body. The Akuma react to your touch so having you completely covered leaves you with limited availability to use your innocence. Of course, we wouldn't want to force you to walk around like that all the time, so I made it so you could fasten the garments on and off when you'd like.

"I suppose that makes sense." I was hard to picture myself fighting Akuma as I had Allen. If the challenge was to hit me yet not to hit the part of myself exposed by this uniform, I would have hindered him considerably. But would my shame allow me to walk around half naked? I'd keep the torso full then, and spare my stomach.

In all honesty if was a beautiful uniform. To think Johnny had hand crafted it was astonishing to think about. When I had complimented him on his work though, he waved me off with a smile and sad it was his only talent. Modesty. A kind way to say he was lying. He seemed nice enough though, all cheerful and bright. Makes you wonder if he belonged in such a dark place.

And in the grand room housing the entrance to the Arch, the uniform clutched at my body in a comforting way, its shirt hem coming down mid thigh and the detachable fold lay just below my breasts. The pant legs rode down to my ankles with a white line indicating where I would disassemble the legs to make shorts mimicking the design of my sleeves. Over all of it, an equipment belt was strapped around my hips and my bag was slung around my shoulders.

The four finders in front of me gave up staring, two withdrawing to converse elsewhere leaving the other two who came forward. An older man in his fifties offered a hand.

"Gerald Crassus. Finder team 443." He smile politely, wrinkles forming deep within a weathered face, "And this here is an old friend of mine." He gestured to the women next to him.

"Vera Smirnov. Finder team 443." She seemed miniature compared to the burly chest of the man next to her, dark curling hair falling across a mature face. She spoke in a heavy accent, "You are new?"

I nodded, "My first mission."

"Ah. Worry not. Crassus was once from Romania so he knows his way around." She turned toward the large man, "Plus he's been trying to get Ms. Roxanna to look his way for awhile now. She likes you Ms. Exorcist so he wants to get a good word in from you." He shot her a glare.

"She's full of lies Ms. Exorcist." He scowled, "A true vixen."

She huffed at that but didn't deny it. I smiled lightly at the friends and sank into silence as they continued to discuss whatever was interesting to such different people. It must feel ridiculous for them to look at someone like me and say "Ms." Like I was of higher rank.

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><p>Blah. It's hurts my eyes.<p>

I'll come back soon and show you want I really meant to write originally. Until then, thank you. Goodbye.


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